


This Will Destroy You

by yesmydarling



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo backstory, Daddy Issues, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feels, Force Bond, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kylo's is gucci, Lotsa plot, M/M, Multiple Timelines, Relationship Status: It's Complicated, Sexual Tension, Single Father Kylo Ren, Slow Burn, TFA prequel/sequel, canonverse, everyone has baggage, spy intrigue and such, the sass is strong with this one, trash compactors, weird but it works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2018-08-09 06:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 65,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7791181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yesmydarling/pseuds/yesmydarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>After being rejected by Skywalker who senses the beginnings of her force bond with Kylo Ren- Rey struggles to find her place with the Resistance before deciding to volunteer for a risky mission that puts her directly in the path of the man she can't stop thinking about.</p><p>[multiple timeline post-TFA Reylo fic combined with a Ben/Kylo origin story]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remnants

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter lays the necessary groundwork, the plot kicks off in earnest the next go around (and good things come to those who wait, i.e. I'll make Kylo take his shirt off)

  
  
  


The loaded silence between them persisted for what seemed like forever, and Rey felt her outstretched arm grow weary with the weight of his lightsaber.

But it was really him.  _Luke Skywalker._

Rey was expectedly awed by the presence of this storied man.  This hero.  But the longer she stood there the less reverence and more panic that she felt.

Her brow furrowing, Rey stretched her arm to its fullest length and shook the metal hilt at him ever so slightly.

Luke’s robed shoulders dropped a bit, his expression becoming somewhat resigned.  He didn’t break eye contact with Rey, but the look in his eyes was less focused now.  Clouded, even.

When he finally spoke his voice was of a higher pitch than Rey had thought it would be.  It was sharp in her ears, and almost... youthful.

"You should go."

Rey opened her mouth to respond but the words caught in her throat.  This wasn't at all the welcome she'd expected- or rather, hoped for.

"I... I can't."  She dropped her arm back to her side, deflated.

"Sure you can," Luke walked toward her, casually.  Dismissively.  "Just," he raised his robotic hand up to make a walking gesture with his fingers, "Turn around and go back the way you came."

Rey was stunned. "That's it?"

Luke shook his head reproachingly, "Sometimes people disappear for a reason."

Rey’s temper began to flare, forgetting the esteem she’d felt for this man only moments earlier.

"Yeah and sometimes people find them for an even better one." Luke didn't respond so she continued, “You're not even going to hear me out?"

"I don't need to.  I know why you're here and the answer is no.”

Rey scoffed.  "So you know everything?  You know that your sister is the one that sent me here to find you?  That her husband, your friend... That he..."

Luke solemnly met her eyes before letting them drift away again.  “Yes.”

Rey was incensed.  "And that changes nothing?"

"I can't help Leia...  And I definitely can't help you.  I'm not a Jedi anymore.  I'm not anything."

Luke turned back and forth in an abbreviated version of pacing.  He was clearly uncomfortable with this intruder being there and everything about his body language was telling her to leave.

Rey, alternatively, had never experienced such profound disappointment in another being before.  "You're a coward, is what you are."

"Well, _I am in hiding_ ," Luke snarked at her.

"I can't believe this," Rey shook her head.  "The stories I heard about you... the legends.  They were all lies."

Luke wagged his chin, "No those were most likely true...  But that was a lifetime ago." He fluttered his hand at her, "You probably weren't even born the last time I still considered myself a hero."

Rey let the defeat truly sink in as she looked down to fumble with the saber hilt.

"This wasn't how this was supposed to go.  You were supposed to train me, teach me to be a Jedi.  So I could... matter."

Luke allowed himself to feel a small measure of pity as he watched her internal struggle.  "What's your name?", he calmly asked.

She looked back up at him.  "Rey."

"Rey... the fact is, even if I were willing to return to the resistance... and take on a student again..." He looked her straight in the eyes and finished, “It would never be you."

"What?" Rey's face registered with shock before that quickly gave way to offense.  "What's wrong with _me?_ "

Luke took a deep breath and shook his head helplessly at her, "I _see him_ in you..."

Rey pulled back.  She didn't have to ask to whom Luke was referring to, but the accusation that she- that he... it was simply baffling.  "I honestly have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

"Rey, he's all over you," Luke sighed.

Rey sputtered, "Wha?  You-", she shifted uncomfortably, "You're mad."

Luke leveled his eyes at her and took on a no-bullshit tone of voice, "I might not be a Jedi anymore but I'm not blind either."

Rey continued looking at him aghast so Luke reluctantly attempted to explain, "You've met him, yes?  My nephew?" Rey just stared back.  "And what, you fought him?"

"Yes."

"Anything else?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did you and Ben do anything besides try to kill each other?", Luke prodded.

Rey leaned back heavily into her comfort zone of sarcasm and answered, "Yeah we had tea, exchanged foot rubs and what else... oh yeah, I watched him murder is father in cold blood."

Luke squeezed his eyes shut at the callous mention of Han's death and took a moment before continuing.  

"When he was younger my nephew was quite adept at looking into people's minds.  I would imagine in the years since then he's become quite the expert.  Did he try this with you?"

"Yes..."

"And what happened?"

"I... I blocked him out,” Rey supplied.  “Eventually."

"And then?", Luke persisted.

"And then I... saw into his?" Rey hadn’t yet needed to explain what happened in her interrogation on Starkiller to anyone and wasn't quite sure how to describe it.

"That must've been a pleasant sight," Luke guessed bitterly.

"Not really, no."

"What did he do then?"

"He was upset.  He... pulled away.  And broke off the connection?"  Rey‘s confidence wavered heavily in her attempt to put it all into words.

Luke clarified, "So he was still in your mind when you went into his?"

"I guess so," Rey shrugged.

"Well there it is," Luke offered.

"There what is?  I still don't understand what this has to do with anything."

Luke stopped his fidgeting and gave her a measured look. "You will.  This... thing.  It might feel like nothing now but... it will grow to consume you.  I’m sorry, Rey."

"Sorry for _what?_ "  Rey let frustration take precedence over her fear and glared at him accusingly, "Has anyone ever told you that you talk in riddles?"

Luke laughed softly to himself, remembering his mentor of so long ago.  "Maybe I am still a bit of a Jedi after all..."

Rey watched helplessly as Luke took a few steps backwards before beginning to walk away in earnest.  "You should head out," he spoke over his shoulder, “The weather is about to turn."

Rey glanced up at the darkening sky then back at Luke's retreating form.

"You don't have anything else to say?", she called out.

Luke stopped at the edge of a stone hut and turned back to answer, "Give Chewie a hug for me.  And tell Leia... tell Leia I'm sorry."

And then he was gone.  And with him, any hope Rey had at becoming a proper Jedi. 

She lifted the flap of her bag and deposited the saber hilt back inside before letting her shoulders curl in towards her chest.  A strong gust of icy wind whipped across the hillside and Rey folded her forearms across her stomach as she shivered.

She'd come so far.  So close to having a life that meant something...  Only to feel it all slipping away.

  


///

  


The transport ship shook mid-flight and Hux looked up from his datapad as the wounded man lying before him began to stir.  The bacta bandaging on Kylo’s face entirely obscured his right eye but Hux simply stared at the left one, waiting for it to fully open.  Once it did, and he was sure Kylo was relatively alert, Hux sighed dramatically and crossed his arms across his knees.

“You’re an idiot.”

Kylo winced at the effort required to turn his head ever so slightly in Hux’s direction.  His voice came out in a rasp, but with the bitter humor still ringing clear.

“What’re you- sitting vigil?”

“Hardly,” Hux pursed his lips as he set his datapad aside and took in the breadth of Kylo’s injuries.  “You’ve been out for days.  I was just waiting to see if I’d be delivering a person to the Supreme Leader’s doorstep, or a corpse.”

“We’re going to see Snoke?”, a hint of confidence draining from Kylo’s voice. 

“Yes.  And I look forward to watching you try to explain the strategy behind abandoning your crippled base to chase off into the woods after two nobodies, _whilst_ nursing a near-mortal wound, no less.”

“Those two nobodies destroyed your precious base-”, Kylo growled.

“Not alone they didn’t,” Hux cut him off.  “In fact, I believe your _father_ played a rather crucial role in the destruction, if I’m not mistaken.”

Kylo’s jaw tensed and though he could not move from his prone state on the medi-bed, the contemptuous look he gave in response was enough to stop Hux from pursuing this line of accusations any further.

Hux used the retrieval of his datapad to break eye contact and then stood.  He fixed his gaze somewhere near Kylo’s bandaged left shoulder as he spoke.  “We’ll be arriving in a few hours.  Rest up.”

He turned and left the room, relinquishing Kylo to what anyone else would have thought was peace and quiet.  But to the battered man lying there... it was a deafening cacophony.

Kylo’s breathing became labored as he struggled against the ever-raging din.  Of blood surging through his ears... of the cackle of an unstable lightsaber... of his former friend crying out in agony... and of the sound of his father’s voice. 

A mix of spit and blood gurgled out from the side of his mouth and Kylo had to grip the bed frame beneath him so tightly he nearly bent the metal- just to be able to bear it.

  


///

  


Rey had just set the Falcon into lightspeed when it happened.

It was as if a tidal wave of turbulent emotions had suddenly washed over her, only they weren’t _her_ emotions.  They felt like a foreign body invading a host, overtaking and consuming it.

Rey could feel instant beads of sweat begin pouring down the sides of her face and if someone were to have touched her in that moment they’d have found every inch of her skin feverishly hot. 

No one was there to witness this, however, as Chewie had departed the cockpit moments earlier and Rey was left alone to endure this sudden affliction.

_Anger, hatred, sorrow, regret, abandonment, betrayal, love, confusion... ___

It was all too much and Rey keeled over, gripping the instrument panel for support.

_Whose emotions were these?  Why was she feeling them?  When would it stop?_

And then just as suddenly as the sensation had arrived, it vanished.  Rey’s body quickly began to cool and her mind cleared, like the sky opening up after a storm.

She took a deep, centering breath as she sat back up in her seat and it was then, sometime mid-exhale, that Rey detected a faint scent in the air around her.  It hadn’t been there a few minutes ago, and by all rights it shouldn’t haven been anywhere near this ship for at least a decade.

_It was him. _Kylo Ren.__

Rey looked around and over her shoulder, despite knowing how ridiculous the need to check for him was.

The scent was just _so clear._   There was no doubt in her mind.

Jakku had been very limited in the aromas it offered, and those that did exist there weren’t exactly the kinds you wanted to commit to memory.  Since leaving her home of so many years, Rey had experienced a great many new smells... vast oceans, leafy forests, frigid snowstorms... but there was one in particular that stood apart.  It was a deep scent, musky.  Sensual.  Like nothing Rey had ever imagined before and it made her eyelashes flutter just to remember her first taste of it.

  


_He’d stepped in close to her.  Very close.  And before Rey could even recover from her obviously flustered reaction to her captor unveiling his true face, she had a whole new problem to worry about._

_She’d quickly glanced up at his striking visage when he came to stand beside her, before deciding it was much safer to look somewhere, anywhere, else.  He spoke to her with a calm voice but Rey could feel the intensity rolling off of him._

_It wasn’t until he insulted her that Rey dared to make eye contact again.  A regretful choice, as Kylo Ren quickly used the opportunity to have her witness him raking his eyes over her body._

_**'You know I can take whatever I want.'** _

_He stepped in even closer, raising his gloved hand to hover near her face, and Rey turned herself away as much as she could._

_But that was the moment.  That was when she’d breathed it in.  Breathed **him** in.  The aroma was entirely new, and distinct, and... exhilarating._

_Rey gritted her teeth as he began to rifle through her mind, and just as his mental probing invaded her consciousness, so did his scent invade her nose and lungs.  She closed her eyes, but that had only made the intoxication stronger._

  


Rey shook herself from the memory.  She checked the air again and sighed in relief when it seemed the redolence of the cabin was returning to normal.

She used the strength of her arms to push herself out of the pilot’s seat, not trusting her legs to support her just yet, and ambled back into the main space of the ship.  Chewie wasn’t there, likely having gone to get some sleep, and Rey looked around in hopes of finding something to distract herself with for while.

A somber realization hit Rey as she took in the expanse of the old freighter, noting that she hadn’t really had a chance to explore it properly, not with... everything that had happened.

Normally Rey’s natural curiosity and experience as a scavenger would’ve had her instantly canvassing every last inch of a legendary craft like this, but in the few days it had taken to get from the Resistance base on D’Qar to the distant island planet of Ahch-To, it simply hadn’t felt right.

This was Han Solo’s ship.  It always had been.  Even when it had been left unused and neglected for years in a desert junkyard, it had been _his._

Rey traced her fingers along the edge of the Dejarik holochess table and pined for an impossible future of more time spent in the old man’s comforting presence.

_'He would’ve disappointed you.'_

The spiteful voice intruded on Rey’s private moment and she bit the inside of her cheek in annoyance.  She hadn’t known at the time when Kylo Ren had said it, just how much this statement was based on personal experience...  But regardless, it didn’t mean that his fractured relationship with Han would’ve been mirrored by her own.

Rey wasn’t even convinced Kylo Ren’s would have remained as such if only he’d answered his father’s overture differently.

She’d heard Han’s firm but pleading voice echo throughout the large oscillator.  It had a mournful gravity to it she’d only heard from him once before, when he’d spoken of the boy that had turned against Luke Skywalker.  Her heart had fallen into her stomach as it all started to come together.  As she’d heard his words.

_'Leave here with me, come home.  We miss you.'_

It was strange to think of anyone _missing_ Kylo Ren... or even that he’d had a home and been a child with parents, who as far as Rey could tell, had truly loved him.

It made Rey uneasy to humanize her aggressor this way and she stopped herself short.  Heading off down the passageway to her left she set her mind to exploring her physical surroundings, rather than the complex, emotional baggage that they carried.

  


///

  


Kylo was unsteady on his feet and made it only two steps from the gurney before stumbling forward.  Instinctively, Hux reached out to grab him by the arm, catching Kylo enough to keep him standing upright.

The sudden physical contact shot through them like lightening and both men yanked away from it not a split-second later.

Kylo extended out to his other side, grabbing a countertop for support, and Hux unnecessarily straightened his jacket with a nervous tug.

"I’m fine,” Kylo mumbled, annoyed at his own weakness.

"Right,” Hux took this as his cue to walk ahead and was more than happy to do so.  As he swiftly exited the craft he made sure to keep his strides fast, but not _too_ fast.

He then made his way from the ship’s landing platform and across the short footbridge, flexing his hands as they swung at his sides, willing them to steady.

It had been years, more than a decade even, since Hux had reached out to Kylo Ren in any non-aggressive manner.  Not since...

_'No,'_   Hux chided himself.  He wouldn’t think of that now.  _Couldn’t_ think of that now.

He reached the top of the ornate, stone steps just as two guards began dragging open the massive castle doors for him.  They creaked with lack of use and Hux waited until they were entirely expanded before stepping though.

He turned left into the foyer and stopped, deciding to wait there for his companion.

_'You’ll be waiting for him your whole life,’_ a cruel internal voice taunted.

Outside, Kylo did his best to ascend the stairs without grimacing, but every movement felt like knives and he could detect a sickened flush creeping from his ears down across his cheekbones.

As he passed through the expansive doorway, Kylo could sense the uncomfortable gaze of both entry guards fixed on him.  They weren’t used to seeing the great Master of the Knights of Ren without his mask on... let alone in such an obvious state of distress.

He ignored their prying eyes and moved forward into the familiar, but still foreboding structure, picking up Hux at his side as he walked as authoritatively as he could manage down the main hall.

Together they took the not recently trodden, but still well-remembered route to Snoke’s private quarters.  Each turn getting darker and more narrow, with the scent of stale water growing increasingly thick.

Stopping just shy of the chamber entrance, Kylo calmly reached up to peel the last bit of bacta from his face.  It stretched, not ready to come off just yet, and Kylo locked his jaw in determination and he finished the job and then tossed the sticky bandaging aside.

Hux watched this with a pained and slightly grossed out expression.

“You should leave that on longer,” he tilted his head as he critiqued the still very raw saber burn dissecting Kylo’s previously unmarred face.  “It doesn’t look good.”

Kylo stared back at him with lifeless eyes.

“Let it scar,” he spat defiantly before turning to the door and shoving it open.

Hux’s brief foray into compassion rapidly dissipated and he lifted his chin into the air, haughtily chasing after Kylo into the massive chamber.

Kylo caught the sound of Hux’s clipped steps hurrying up behind him and despite his injuries he tried to hasten his approach to the Supreme Leader, not wanting to be shown up.

The result of their thinly-veiled footrace was Hux managing to reach the base of Snoke’s dais just a few paces ahead of Kylo, who arrived beside him fuming.  They each bowed their heads forward towards their master’s throne, but persisted to glare sideways at each other as they did.

Snoke meanwhile, having witnessed this juvenile display of competitiveness, lolled his head to the side and sighed in resignation.  _Such children they still were._

Kylo spoke up first in an attempt to regain some measure of command, “Supreme Leader we are honored to be in your presence once again.”

The Knight tipped his head forward once more to the imposing figure and Hux, begrudgingly, did the same.

"My young warrior,” Snoke drawled towards Kylo, taking in his disheveled appearance.  “You look as though you’ve lived a hundred lifetimes since I saw you last.”

"Yes, Master,” Kylo answered, shamefully.

"And General,” he spoke, turning to Hux.

"Supreme Leader,” Hux confidently answered.

"You command quite a lot less manpower these days, do you not?”

Hux shrunk back into himself, “Yes, sir.”

Snoke drummed the tips of his long fingers against the arm of his throne and forced the two men to stare back helplessly at his unsatisfied glower.  Pain was raging up and down Kylo’s entire body but still he refused to even flinch.  Hux, however, began shifting uncomfortably, his boots making an awkward squeak.

Snoke finally released his scrutiny of them and lifted his head to look around the darkened expanse of the room, as though searching for an answer somewhere high up the stone walls.

"It may be that I am not as adept a leader as I’d thought myself to be,” he mused.  “How disappointed you both must feel in my guidance..."

Kylo quickly interjected, “My Master, it is _we_ that have disappointed you.  _We_ that have failed.”

"Mmm, perhaps,” Snoke continued speaking in a calm manner that greatly unnerved both of his subjects.  “But somewhere along the line I have led my two chosen leaders, my commanders, to believe that tactical errors of this magnitude would be acceptable.  And _that,_ that... is _my_ failure.”

Fear ripped through his two subjects as Snoke elegantly rose from his seat and descended the stairs towards them.  For a few seconds the only sound to be heard in the cavernous room was that of Snoke’s linen robes dragging along the ground, as both Hux and Kylo had momentarily stopped breathing.

At his full height the Supreme Leader would have bested even Kylo by about four inches, but permanently twisted and hunched over as he was, Snoke’s eyeline came in just under that of his apprentice.

He menacingly looked up at Kylo from beneath his crooked brow, the much younger of the two returning his gaze warily.

And then without warning Snoke turned his focus from Kylo to Hux and viciously backhanded the General across the face, sending him crashing into the floor.  Kylo looked down at Hux in shock, before quickly returning his eyes to his enraged Master.

"Pick yourself up, General,” Snoke snarled at him, “before you bleed all over my floor.”

Hux frantically scrambled back up to his feet, at one point stalling himself by stepping down on the edge of his coat.

He straightened his back and attempted to look composed, though the image was sullied by the hand he held up to his bloody, and likely broken, nose.

”I’ve never expected much physical strength from you,” Snoke spoke dismissively, his words cutting into Hux’s already fractured self-worth.  “But your mental weakness of late has me thinking you could use a bolstering of fortitude on all fronts.”

Hux dropped his head forward in a nod he never quite returned from.

Snoke waved his hand as he continued, “Go.  Leave us.  I have much to discuss with my... pupil.  I will call for you later, General.”

Hux needed no more encouragement than that and he hastily spun on his heels and scurried out of the room, the deep red blood from his nose starting to drip through the cracks of his fingers.

The door slammed shut with a bang and Kylo felt himself jump.  Snoke’s full attention was back on him now and the already heavily wounded Knight braced himself for an assault. 

The attack never came however, and Snoke merely leaned in towards Kylo as he continued to speak, “Your compatriot’s weakness lies in his mental capacity trying to compensate for his corporeal one.  But that’s not your problem, is it my warrior?”

“No, Master,” Kylo spoke down to the floor.

“Though I will say, I have not seen you in such a battle weary state since before you took command of your Knights,” Snoke’s voice timbered, almost with kindness.  “It distresses me to see you this way.”

“I’m ashamed to have let you down, Master.  It will not happen again.”

Snoke reached out gently and laid his ghostly hand upon Kylo’s shoulder.

"The future is never certain,” he murmured, “and you, my apprentice, should not make promises you cannot keep.”  He gripped his fingers in a powerful squeeze, sending shockwaves of agony shooting through Kylo's body.

"Forgive me, Master,” Kylo gritted out between his teeth.  “Tell me what I can do to return to your good graces.”

“I’ve no real concern for your physical stamina," Snoke informed as he released his grasp on the reopened wound.  “Your standing here right now is evidence of why I needn’t any.”

The Supreme Leader’s eyes twinkled as he slowly raised his bloodied hand up to his apprentice’s face.

Kylo felt a chill straight down to his bones as Snoke so perfectly mimicked the very last caress his father had given him before succumbing to his death.

The young Knight’s eyes went wide and took on a sheen of unshed tears.

He watched as the corners of Snoke’s mouth curled up, seemingly pleased with this reaction.

"Your weakness,” Snoke purred, “Is an emotional one.”

Snoke let his hand slide off the unburnt side of Kylo’s face, dropping it down to his chest, and stopping to hover over the Knight’s erratic heartbeat.

Kylo did his best to steady his voice as he responded, “I tried... I tried to push out the light, I tried to-”

Snoke waved his free hand, stopping him.  “You needn’t explain, my young Knight.  I can _see_ the conflict in you.  I can _feel_ your torment...” Snoke patted Kylo’s chest and leaned in closer, “Do you want me to end it?”

Kylo let out a shuttering breath and pleaded, “Yes.  Please, Master...  I’ll do anything.”

Snoke rubbed his hand in circles against Kylo’s still pounding chest. “The source of your trouble, of your pain, is that of your other self.  Your former self.  There are remnants of him still poisoning your soul and so we must seek them out!" he smacked his open palm against Kylo's breastplate for emphasis.  “We must go back.  Way back... all the way to your earliest years.  To when you first discovered the Force.  To when _I_ first discovered _you."_

Kylo trembled as Snoke inched forward once more, pulling the young man’s neck down so their foreheads rested together.  “Do you remember, my child?”

"Yes, Supreme Leader,” Kylo’s voice came out in a whisper.  “I remember everything.”

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2ccp2z6)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/post/151308307924/this-will-destroy-you-by-yesmydarling)


	2. Special

  
  
  


Rey didn’t know how long it had been since she’d started exploring the Falcon, hours maybe.  She’d gone through drawer after drawer and panel after panel...  In some cases having to physically pry them open in order to reveal contents unseen for many years.  She was pleased with the amount of useful spare parts and tools she’d managed to gather, but if Rey was being totally honest with herself, those weren’t really the items she was keeping her eyes peeled for.

It was the personal things.  The sentimental ones.

She’d found an old leather jacket stuffed away in a locker that she was certain must have been Han’s.  Perhaps in his younger days.  She’d straightened out the crooked collar and let her fingers brush against the soft material before carefully folding it up and setting it aside.  It should probably go to Chewie.  Or maybe Leia.  Rey wasn’t yet sure of either of their desire to take ownership of the belongings of someone they’d so recently lost... but Rey knew if it had been her best friend, or her husband, she would’ve wanted to hold on to anything she could find.

She’d circled throughout the entire Millennium Falcon and all the way back to the cockpit, and now stood hesitantly at its entrance.  Even after all the hours Rey had logged at its helm, she still felt uncertain each time she stepped into the control cabin of the famed ship.  Out of line, even.  But under no uncertain terms had Rey been told she was more than welcome to be the Falcon’s pilot, at least for the time being.

  


_“Technically, he left everything to- to our son,” Leia had explained back at the base.  “The only will Han ever bothered to set up was when... Ben... was little and he just, you know, never got around to...”_

_Rey had watched sympathetically as General Organa struggled to complete her sentences.  Or to even bring herself to say her own son’s name.  It was awful and such an intimate thing to be sharing with someone she’d just met.  Rey found herself darting her eyes around the room, trying to give the grieving woman some privacy even whilst they were mid-conversation._

_“I suppose it doesn’t really matter now,” she continued.  “I offered the Falcon to Chewie but he refused.  Said his rightful place was as the copilot."  She gave a small smile before adding, “He made it clear that he **could** pilot it just fine if he wanted to, he just didn’t is all.”_

_Rey returned her smile.  It hadn’t been long that she’d known the self-assured wookie, but already he was quite close to her heart._

_“Well if Chewie’s fine with it, and you’re fine with it, I’d be honored to pilot his ship for now,” Rey cringed at her own word choice. **His.**   Which 'his’ did she even mean?_

_If Leia was bothered it didn’t show, she merely reached out and gave the girl a reassuring squeeze on the arm.   “You’re gonna do just fine, Rey.  You’re destined for so many great things... I know it.”_

  


Rey slowly came back from the memory and found herself absentmindedly rubbing her arm in the spot where Leia had reached out to her.  The General had been so full of confidence and support in Rey’s mission to become a Jedi...  And now here she was, heading back to the Resistance just a few days later with her tail between her legs.

Rey flopped down in the pilot’s seat glumly.  She reached up and dragged the nail of her thumb across her teeth as her eyes wandered around the cabin.  Suddenly, a thought occurred to her and she began reaching beneath the main instrument panel.  _No, nothing there..._   Rey got up and stepped behind the seat, checking all the wall panels for any hidden compartments.  She bent her knees and slowly slid down to the floor, pressing and tugging on every last edge as she went.  She looked around again from her new perspective and cocked her head to the side when she noticed something out of place.

Looking over to Chewie’s copilot seat Rey confirmed that there was an empty space and light flowing beneath it... unlike Han's.  She folded her legs together and leaned forward, peering underneath the chair.  Whatever was there looked to have been moved recently, after not having been moved in a long time.  There were fresh tracks dragged through the thick layer of dust on the floor, as though someone had removed the item and then put it back.

Rey brushed a stray hair from her face and reached her hands into the darkness.  It was some kind of box- metal, with sharp edges, and again the dust around it was unsettled as Rey carefully pulled it across the floor towards her lap.  It was old and rusted, she noted, and had a threefold latch keeping it closed, but was unlocked.  Rey looked around nervously before opening it.

_A pair of canvas shoes, tiny, for a baby.  Scraps of durasheet with crude, colorful drawings on them.  A toy spaceship with a broken wing._

Rey carefully inspected each item before gently setting them aside.  She reached back into the box and pulled out a small, velvet pouch and poured its contents into her hand.  Dangling from a long, slinky chain was an oval-shaped locket, a thing that Rey had only seen maybe once or twice before.  She rocked the necklace back and forth in her hand, letting the light bounce off its surface.  It appeared to be made of pure silver, a thing she’d only ever heard of.

Rey knew that lockets were meant to open so she fiddled with it until she managed to undo the clasp.  Inside she found exactly what she’d expected to, but it pained her just the same.

Two tiny little filmsheets, one stuck in each side.  They were much younger, probably thirty years or so, but there was no doubt in Rey’s mind that she was looking at the faces of Leia Organa and Han Solo.

They looked so content, so peaceful.  There was no trace of the resigned sorrow Rey would come to identify in both of them in their later years, as they’d likely not even imagined the hardship they’d be faced with in their life together.

Rey frowned and shut the locket, pressing the metal form between her fingers.  She was about to slide it back into its velvet bag when she noticed a bit of engraving on the back.  Just two words, simply written, and Rey wondered at what tender, romantic meaning they once held.

Only one item remained in the metallic box, a tan leather envelope with a bit of string wrapped around it.  After removing the binding Rey opened it up to find a dozen or so 5x7 filmsheets and several holovid memory sticks.

She took a deep breath as she began thumbing through the glossy filmsheets.  More pictures of Han and Leia, spanning a time from their 30’s and 40’s it seemed.  But mostly... mostly they were of him.

_Kylo Ren,_ Rey shuddered.

No, not him.  _Ben Solo._   The boy Kylo Ren had killed.

Rey’s lower lip began to quiver and she felt herself fighting back tears as she came across one image in particular.  It was Han, youthful and handsome, proudly commanding the pilot’s seat of his beloved ship.  And in his lap sat his son.  All messy black hair and already lengthy limbs for such a small child.

Rey sniffled and let out a shaky breath.  When she finally built up enough nerve to raise her eyes to the chair in question, the tears sprang free.  Silent, but unrelenting.

  


///

  


Han adjusted the altitude of the Millennium Falcon as it ripped through the planet’s atmosphere and looked over at his son laughing joyfully in the copilot’s seat.  Chewie had gone back home to Kashyyyk for awhile, and in his absence Han had managed to build a sort of child’s safety seat for Ben to use.

A hailing call interrupted their misadventures and Han decreased the ship’s speed slightly and reached over to flip the switch of the comm link.

“This wouldn’t be the mother of the birthday boy calling, now would it?”

“Am I ever going to actually _see_ the birthday boy on his birthday?” Leia’s static-laced voice crackled through the speaker.

“Oh come on, we haven’t been gone that long, have we?”  Han leaned forward to peer around the far edge of the cockpit’s windshield and was surprised to see the planet’s two suns setting in the distance.  “On second thought...”  He looked over at Ben and whispered, “Whoops.”

“I mean it, Han.  I’m starting to make dinner and it would be nice if by the time I finished there was someone here to help me eat it.

Han grinned at the frustration in his wife’s voice and couldn’t help but tease her a bit, “Well I suppose that depends on what you’re cooking up, Sweetheart?”

“Divorce papers if you keep pressing your luck.”

Han made a face.  “Well that stings a bit...”

Leia’s voice softened slightly, “Just bring my baby home.  Please.”

“That’s affirmative we’re starting our descent now.”  Han made some adjustments on the control panel before turning to give Ben a big smile, “Only I’m afraid there’s no babies on board this ship...  Just two, full-grown men, aged five and up.”  Ben beamed back at his father proudly.

“Aged five to fifteen, more like,” Leia grumbled.  “Be home in twenty minutes or I’m throwing the cake out the window.”

  


///

  


Han sauntered into the dining and kitchen area of the house, swinging Ben through the air like a spaceship as the boy provided the requisite sound effects.

Leia watched from her position behind the island stove top as Han deposited Ben into his seat at the dinner table, narrating the maneuver as if it were a perilous crash landing.

“And the fearless young pilot Ben Solo beats the odds _yet again_ and lives to fly another day, keeping the galaxy safe for princesses, and tauntauns, and...”

“Ewoks!” Ben supplied.

“Ewoks,” Han nodded.  “Gotta keep those little guys safe.”

Leia sighed as she continued preparing the meal.  “You know, if you’re going to insist on recklessly dive-bombing the planet’s surface with my one and only child onboard- couldn’t you at least do it in a ship that isn’t a busted, broken-down deathtrap?”

Han placed a hand to his chest, deeply offended.  “What’re you talking about?  The Falcon’s in great shape-”

Leia huffed and waved the knife she was holding in the air for emphasis, “I was walking under it the other day and a screw literally fell off of it and hit me in the head.”  She tossed a handful of vegetables on the cutting board and began slicing away at them aggressively.

Han flashed a panicked face at Ben, making him giggle into his hands, before turning back to Leia,  “Gee, I hope it wasn’t from anything important...”

“I’m not joking.”

“Neither am I.  Can’t have random screws falling loose...  Only got so many of them, you know.”

Leia turned to Han, pointing the knife in his direction, “I think _you_ have a screw loose.”

Han slided up to his wife, reaching out to carefully pinch the knife’s blade between his fingers and turn it away from him.  Leia rolled her eyes and dropped the knife onto the counter, allowing Han to press his body into her’s and wrap his strong arms around her waist.

“I know I do, baby,” Han spoke into her hair.  “That’s why you’re so _nuts_ about me.”

“Good grief,” Leia growled in mock repulsion and tried to pry herself loose but Han was having none of it.  He squeezed and tickled at her tiny frame, all the while peppering kisses across her face.  Ben laughed as he watched his parents being silly and clapped his hands against the table.

“Stop it-”

“-No.”

“Let me go-”

“-Never.”

Han and Leia’s tussling reached a fever pitch that threw them off balance and Han’s elbow knocked into the handle of a frying pan on the stove, sending it’s boiling contents flying into the air.

Leia shrieked, ducking away from the onslaught, expecting to feel it hit her from behind... but when nothing happened she slowly turned around to look back.

Han released his grip on her waist and together they stared in stunned silence at the sight before them.

Bits of meat and vegetables, along with about a hundred tiny droplets of molten cooking oil hung suspended in the air, vibrating with intensity.

Together their eyes shifted focus further ahead, past the stove to where Ben stood atop his chair, tiny arm outstretched.

“Son-”, Han started but Leia stopped him by discretely grabbing his wrist.

She swallowed nervously and began moving from the still boiling threat, pulling Han along with her.  Once they were a couple feet away she let go of him and began carefully approaching Ben, who still had not removed his focus one iota from the force freeze.

“Ben, baby, you can let go now...”   He didn’t seem to notice her so she slowly moved closer.  “Ben?  Can you hear me?”

As though a kind of trance had been broken, Ben turned to his mother and everything in the kitchen came crashing down.  All three of them jumped at the sudden sound of the metal frying pan hitting the floor and Ben looked at Leia with fear in his tiny eyes.

“Shhh honey, it’s okay,” she reached out and pulled the child into her arms.  She spun around to face Han and felt a slight pang of resentment at the fearful expression he was directing at their son.

“I’m sorry, Mommy,” Ben gurgled into her sweater.  “I didn’t mean to make a mess-”

“You didn’t.  You didn’t, baby, everything is fine...” Leia gave Han a reproaching look that suggested he help her out and Han responded by taking a step towards them and reaching out to place a hand on Ben’s back.

“It was Daddy’s fault, kiddo.  I’m the moof-milker that knocked everything over.  Don’t worry about it, okay?  It’s no big deal.”

Ben lifted his face from Leia’s shoulder to look up at his dad worriedly.  “But what will we eat for dinner now?”

“Cake,” Han reached out to ruffle Ben’s mop of dark hair.  “We’ll eat cake for dinner.”

  


///

  


It was maybe a half an hour or so after Ben had gone to bed when his parent’s agitated voices permeated through the walls of his bedroom.  He pushed the blankets off his lower half and turned, sliding his little feet down to the floor.  He turned the handle of his door extra slow to keep it silent and slipped out into the hallway.

Leia was half-seated on the back of the sofa with her arms crossed against her chest while Han paced back and forth in front of her.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Leia corrected, raising her eyebrows at him.

“No?  Then what is it?”

“I saw the way you looked at him-”

“Don’t.  Don’t you dare throw that back at me.  C’mon like you weren’t in shock, I mean...” Han huffed in frustration and ran a hand through his hair.  “You know how I feel about this Force nonsense...  He doesn’t need that... stuff... messing with his head.  Just leave him be, alright?”

“Han we can’t act like nothings happened, he’s not just a normal kid anymore-”

“-Like hell he isn’t,” Han fumed.  “He’s normal if we treat him normal.  He’s not some prophet or second coming or whatever.  He’s our son.  End of story.”

“You think if you ignore this it’ll go away- but that’ll never work...  Not even Luke was levitating objects when he was five.”

“Oh, but I bet Vader was,” Han waved an accusing finger in Leia’s face.  “That’s what this is really about, isn’t it?”

Leia dropped her head forward and spoke towards the floor, “If we don’t handle this right... we could lose him.”

Ben’s eyes began to well up at he watched his parents argue from around the corner.  He couldn’t understand all the words they were using but he knew that they were upset and worst of all he knew that it was because of him.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Han held his hands in the air and turned to head towards the front door. “I’m going for a walk.”

Ben saw him moving in his direction and quickly scampered back to his bedroom, careful not to make a sound.

Leia took a few steps to follow after Han, “You can’t just leave- you need to stay here and figure this out with me.”

“There’s nothing we can figure out tonight- or even tomorrow,” Han opened the door and stopped to look back.  “He’s just a kid, Leia.  Stop acting like his entire future is something you either know _or_ have the power to control.  You don’t.  No one does.”

“Han-”

“Don’t wait up, okay?”

And then he left.

Leia turned away from the door once it closed and squeezed her eyes shut angrily.  By the time she opened them, however, they were only filled with sadness.  Sadness... and fear.

Ben was perched up by the window on his knees, watching as his father kicked up dirt under the moonlight as he trudged away from the house.

The small boy’s lower lip quivered and heavy tears rolled down his cheeks.

_This is my fault._

He collapsed back down onto his bed and cried quietly into his knees.  _All my fault._

A few minutes passed and just as Ben was beginning to tire himself out, his attention was called to a sudden change in the room.  Like a static shock ripping through the air.

Ben wiped his cheeks dry and searched the darkness of the room.  He found nothing, but when he looked down at his arms he could see all the tiny hairs standing on end.

_‘Can you hear me, child?’_

Ben gasped as the voice rang out clear as day.  But not... in the room.  The voice was inside his head.

Ben nodded, frightfully.

_‘Good.  Now you’ve no need to be afraid of me- I only want to help you, dear boy...'  The voice spoke in a calm, dulcet tone,  ‘Do you believe me?’_

“Yes,” Ben whispered.

_‘I am here to guide you.  And protect you.  And in exchange... I ask only that you trust me, and do as I say.  Can you do that?  Ben?’_

He nodded again.

_'I heard you call out to me today, did you know that?’_

Ben shook his head ‘no’.

_‘It echoed across the galaxy.  Your essence.  Your... power.'_

Ben clutched a pillow to his chest as the voice timbered inside him, through him.

_‘You’re a very, very special boy, Ben.’_

  


///

  


“You know what really bothers me about you, Ren?”

“It’s just one thing?”  Kylo was casually swinging a practice sword in the air and looked over to see Hux glaring back at him from where he sat, wrapping his hands and wrists with tape.

“You didn’t earn it."

Kylo stopped swinging the sword and rested it over his shoulder. “Earn what?”

“Any of it.  Your _power._   Your _position._ ”   Hux was furious at his forced participation in a physical training session with Kylo and his words were becoming increasingly filled with venom.  “I’ve dedicated my entire life- worked, studied, _earned the right_   to be where I am today- but you, you just had it _handed_   to you...  His Royal Highness _Prince_ Kylo... born with _unprecedented_   Force abilities... _Master_ of the Knights of Ren...”

Hux stood, fuming, and looking aggressively unsettled to be wearing athletic attire.  “Tell me, Ren- what makes you so _fucking_ special?”

Kylo maintained a largely impassive expression throughout the tirade, but by the end of it, all the humor he’d previously found in Hux’s discomfort had drained from his eyes.  He calmly stepped over to a large metal table lined with weapons and set his wooden saber down.  He turned to face Hux, and very deliberately pulled his shirt up and over his head, then tossed it aside.

Hux blinked in surprise.

He then squared his shoulders and tried to sustain his glower even as it shifted rapidly back and forth between Kylo’s bare torso and inscrutable face.

He’d seen Kylo somewhat exposed only two days ago, but so much of him had been covered in bandaging...  Now Hux could see _everything._

Ordinarily, Kylo’s perfectly sculpted musculature would’ve been a sight in and of itself, but in this instance it was the gory ramifications of his latest battle that took precedence.  The wound that slashed across Kylo’s face had also nicked the side of his neck and separated the top of his right shoulder.  The left side of his upper chest had a deep puncture burn, and one of his biceps sported a large gash.  It all looked terrible, so raw and angry, but the absolute worst of Kylo’s newest injuries was the still very inflamed lightening bolt like wound that shot out across the entire left side of his stomach.

Hux grimaced.  He’d heard from one of the stormtroopers that helped him retrieve Kylo from the woods that the Knight had received a bowcaster shot to the side.   And that Ren, in the trooper’s words, just sort of _‘gracefully took a knee’._   Hux hadn’t really believed him, of course.  Not until now.

Kylo turned back to the table, exposing his broad back and even more of his damaged skin.  These scars were older and paler like a lot of the little ones on his chest, only much larger.  Hux stared.  They almost looked to be from a... whip of some kind.

The sound of a metal blade being dragged across the table brought back Hux’s focus and he quickly realized Kylo was moving towards him, weapon in hand.

“Ren-”  Kylo swung the sword up to the General’s neck, silencing him.

Barely controlled rage flashed through Kylo’s eyes as he pressed the sharp edge against Hux’s flesh, allowing a small stream of blood to escape.

“I want you to listen to me very carefully-” When Kylo finally spoke his voice rumbled out sounding even deeper than usual.  It was steady, but unmistakably threatening.  “I know life hasn’t been... _easy_ for you.”  He leaned in close, daring Hux to pull away.  “I know what you’ve had to overcome.  I know what you’ve lost.  And while it’s true I am the product of my heritage... that I was given a birthright, a legacy to fulfill, and the power to do so...  If you _ever_... so much as even _imply_... that I have not fought, or bled, or _sacrificed enough_ to be what I am today-” Kylo leaned in even closer, their faces nearly touching, “I will _end_ you.  I will throw your head at Snoke’s feet and never again so much as even _think_ of you.”  He leaned back, making sure he could see Hux’s expression clearly.  “Do you understand?”

Hux’s throat twitched as he swallowed the saliva that had been building up in his mouth, the movement causing a slight resurgence of blood flow against the blade of Kylo’s sword.

“Yes,” he croaked out.

Kylo took a step back and slowly removed the threat of beheading, dropping the sword down to his side.

“I’m not any more excited to be teaching remedial weaponry and combat fighting than you are to be learning it, so let’s just do this and get it over with.”  Kylo walked back to the table and threw down the heavy sword, picking up two wooden ones in its place.  He turned again to Hux and tossed him one of the sabers, “The less you bitch, the less I’ll make you bleed.”

  


///

  


Rey was thankful for Chewie’s unspoken compassion once again when the wookie hadn’t questioned her decision to land the Falcon back at the Resistance base in the dead of night.  Everyone will surely have caught wind of their return by mid-morning regardless, but it just seemed easier to only have to deal with minimal crew face to face.

After leaving word that she wanted a meeting with General Organa at her earliest convenience, Rey was informed- somewhat sarcastically- that the room she’d moved out of just days earlier was indeed still available.

With a goodnight nod to her copilot, Rey slung her duffel across her back and headed off down a series of empty halls.  She was nearly to her door, to the place that she could hide herself away, when a startled semi-whisper called out to her.

“Rey?”

She turned to the voice.  It was Poe Dameron, fuzzy with sleep and likely on his way back from the communal refresher down the hall.

“What’re you doing here?” he moved toward her, brow furrowed. “Is Skywalker with you?” he asked, looking around.

“No,” Rey answered softly. “We found him but- it’s... complicated.”

Poe didn’t know Rey very well and had only spoken to her a couple of times, but it didn’t take much intuition to gather that she wasn’t up for a discussion on the subject, and certainly not at this hour.

“I’m sorry, you must be tired,” he began backing away towards his room.  “We can talk tomorrow, or whenever.  If you want.”

Rey spared him a small, grateful smile. “Thanks.  Yeah, maybe.  Later.”

Poe nodded and was about to turn away when Rey stopped him.  “Hey wait-” Rey caught her voice being a little too loud and stepped towards him so that she could whisper, “Is there any news on Finn?  How is he?”

“Same, pretty much,” Poe responded gently.  “No worse, though.  But he’s still asleep.  Doctors said... maybe we can hope for him to wake in a few days or so.”  He shrugged, wishing he had better news to give her.

“Okay, thanks,” Rey nodded, already planning to stop by the medbay first thing in the morning.  “Goodnight.”

“Yeah see you tomorrow.  ‘Night, Rey.”

They each headed off to their respective rooms, careful to open and shut their doors quietly.  Rey stepped inside her recently vacated quarters to find absolutely nothing had changed.  The glass she’d left sitting on the nightstand was still there and the water inside it hadn’t even had the decency to evaporate.

Rey dumped her bag on the floor then collapsed onto the bed with a similar lack of grace.  Fitfully she kicked her boots off one and a time before grabbing the pillow from behind her head and pressing it down over her face.  She then proceeded to scream directly into it, her vocals deftly muffled by the padding.

Tossing the pillow aside, Rey let out an exasperated sigh.  She was exhausted, but sleep felt unlikely.

She rolled onto her side and blankly stared into the duracrete wall.  She reached out, running her fingers against the grainy surface, and tried to remember the last time her life made any sense.

  


///

  


Tucked away in a dark, nondescript corner of the base’s central hub, General Organa’s office wasn’t much to look at.  Hardly bigger than a storage closet, Leia sometimes wondered if it had in fact once been one.  But it suited her needs well enough, which lately was about 70% paperwork and 30% somewhere to duck away to whenever she needed a good cry.

Her morning thus far was dedicated to the latter, having only managed to keep it together for about 20 minutes before the news of Rey’s return, without Luke, had brought her shaky walls of restraint crashing down yet again.

Leia had never considered herself an emotional person, not even in her youth.  Feisty, bossy, bold, and full of conviction- sure.  But not emotional.  And frankly, it took quite a lot to rattle her.

But the universe had truly called her bluff and the events of the past week had proven to simply be too much... even for her.

Han had been MIA for several years, and only around sporadically for a few years before that, but there was a colossal difference between him not being around and him being... gone.

It took about two days before Han’s death really sank in, and once it did, Leia felt destroyed from the inside out.  She’d only felt this way once before throughout a whole life of wartime and near misses and bloodied battlegrounds... back when she had lost her son.  Their son.

And now she’d lost him all over again.  Lost them both.  For good.

A hesitant knock at the door interrupted her sobbing and Leia quickly pulled from her stash of tissues to try and wipe away as much of the moisture from her face as she could manage.

“Come in,” her voice cracked and she cleared her throat to try and settle it.

Rey stepped inside, and by the look on the young girl’s face Leia surmised she hadn’t done such a great job of hiding her distress.

“I- I can come back,” Rey started to turn towards the door but the General stopped her.

“No no, it’s fine.  Come in, shut the door.”  Leia grabbed another tissue and blew her nose, knowing the jig was up she didn’t bother trying to seem overly composed anymore.  She indicated one of the chairs opposite her desk to Rey, “Sit, please.”

Rey slid into the seat but still seemed uncomfortable intruding on the General’s grief, “Honestly, we don’t have to do this now I could-”

“Rey honey, don’t be silly,” Leia waved Rey’s concerns away and straightened herself in her chair.  “Besides, if we were to wait for me to be a collected, rational human being again it could be awhile.”

Leia gave a self-deprecating smile and Rey tried to meet her eye contact without showing too much obvious pity.

“Well thank you for meeting with me,” Rey started.  “We uh- we got in pretty late last night.  Chewie and I.  And I just wanted to give you a heads up, I suppose, on what happened.”

“Well I appreciate that but knowing my brother I’m reasonably confident I can guess.”  Leia shifted some stacks of file folders around on her desk to make for less of an obstruction between her and Rey.  “In fact, I’m wishing now that I’d given you more of a warning...  I guess maybe I didn’t want to jinx it.  I thought that if I told you that there was a chance he might turn you away then that’s absolutely what would have happened.”  Leia sighed, “But that was selfish of me, I shouldn’t have sent you off like that- unknowing.”

“General-”

“We’re in private, ‘Leia’, please.”

“Leia... You’ve nothing to apologize for.  You would have had no way of knowing what Skywalker- what your brother would say.”

“No, but I could’ve guessed.  What happened back then... with all of his students... Luke blamed himself entirely.  I’d never seen him like that before, not even with everything that happened with our father.  He was just so angry and heartbroken and... lost.  He couldn’t even look Han or I in the eye when he told us what happened to our son.  What Ben had... become.”

Rey nervously twisted her fingers together in her lap, listening to Leia speak sadly of her family, and debated whether it would be better or worse for her to share the specific reason that Luke had actually rejected her for.

As Leia went on a bit more about how Luke had abandoned his entire life and disappeared as a kind of self-inflicted penance, Rey decided it was probably best not to pile on to the General’s current concerns and worries.  What would she even say if she did tell her?  _Luke sent me away because he looked at me and saw your son?  Oh, and sometimes I think I might be hearing his thoughts and feeling his feelings and when I do I can freaking **smell** him?_   No, Leia would either think she was insane or want her to leave.  Or both.

Rey pushed her need to confess aside, it was best to wait until she at least had some idea of what was going on before she told anyone.

“Obviously you’re welcome to stay here as long as you like,” Leia was moving around her desk and Rey stood, realizing this most likely meant it was time for her to leave.  “I’m sure someone as smart and resourceful as you will make a great addition to our efforts here, no matter what you decide to do.  Take some time to think about it and let me know.”

Rey nodded, “Thank you, I will.” She let Leia guide her to the door before turning back and reaching into her pocket.  “Before I go, I um... I have something that I think maybe belongs to you.”  She reached out and passed the small velvet bag into Leia’s hand.  “I found it... on the Falcon.  I thought maybe you’d like to have it back.”

Leia stared down at the pouch in her hand, knowing full well what was inside before even looking.  Tenderly she pulled at the material, opening it just enough to slide the locket out. Her face crumpled and it was only a glance up at Rey’s sympathetic expression that kept Leia from bursting into tears all over again.

“He gave it to me on our wedding night...” she remembered fondly.

Leia pushed at the clasp and slowly opened the locket, revealing the well-worn pictures inside.  “I wore it every day, never even took it off until...  A month after Ben had disappeared from Luke’s academy, Han and I were... arguing.  I blamed Han for not being able to find him, even though I was the one that had sent Ben away in the first place... and really... really I was just angry at myself.  -Which is _exactly_ what Han said to me right before I ripped this off my neck and threw it at him.”  Leia shook her head.  “I kicked him out of the house and told him not to come back without our son.”

Rey reached over and placed a reassuring hand on Leia’s arm.  The General looked up at her almost as though she’d forgotten anyone else was there.  “He fixed the clasp,” she smiled sadly.  “Thank you for this, Rey.”

Rey nodded and dragged her hand away before turning to the door.  She stepped through it, softly closing it behind her, and headed down the hall towards the medbay.  As she walked, Rey felt the holovid memory sticks she’d found in Han’s stash box bouncing against each other in her pocket.  She didn’t know why she had kept them, why she felt she had the right, but her mission today after visiting Finn was to find a way to play whatever videos they held, just for herself without anyone else knowing.

Back inside the office Leia stood glued to the same spot, squeezing the locket between her fingers.  Memories of her modest and perfect wedding to Han so many years ago flashed through her mind, causing the most heartbroken of smiles to spread across her face.

Leia opened up her hand and looked down, and with a deep breath she rolled the locket over in her palm to read the engraving on the back.

_’I know.’_

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=s24nc6)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/post/151318034739/this-will-destroy-you-by-yesmydarling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should mention that as far as canon-backstory goes I haven't read any of the books and am only working with the information gleamed from TFA, the Original Trilogy, and a couple random searches on Wookipedia. The rest is just me spit-balling.
> 
> Kylo and Rey finally reunite in the next chapter. OR DO THEY?
> 
> Yeah, no, they probably will.


	3. Sons

  
  
  


Ben didn't notice when his father approached the old varactyl paddock from behind and began watching him.

They'd been living on the sprawling ranch for several years now, but much of the property went unused for its intended purpose as Han had no need nor interest in making a living off of it.

Since his retirement from both smuggling and the military, he had occasionally taken odd jobs, merchant runs mostly, to ‘keep from getting rusty’ he’d jokingly say.

But Ben always suspected it had something much more to do with restlessness.

Leia was gone even more frequently, as she’d accepted a governmental position that had her in a near-constant state of travel.

When he was little they’d each taken their son along with them as much as possible, but once his formal education had begun at age six, the now ten years old Ben had largely been confined to the ranch.

He’d pleaded to at least be allowed the freedom of attending public school in the city, but Leia’d insisted she still had too many enemies for it to be safe, and arranged private tutors for him instead.

Snoke, in particular, was quite pleased with this arrangement as it meant that whenever Ben wasn’t in his lessons, he was pretty much always alone.

Under his secret Master’s guidance, Ben had slowly been transforming various abandoned parts of the ranch into rudimentary training facilities for himself.  Structures and obstacle courses and such that, to an untrained eye, wouldn’t seem too strange a hobby for a clever and athletically-inclined young boy.

Han Solo’s watchful gaze went from curious to somewhat unsettled as he witnessed the proficiency with which his child was attacking the self-made configuration of dummies, booby-traps, and hurdles.  Armed with the practice sword he’d requested for his birthday the year previous, Ben gracefully leapt from one wooden platform to another, slicing the head off a scarecrow before his feet even hit the ground.  No sooner had he landed than he had grabbed a hanging rope and used it to swing himself across a muddy pit, landing in an effortless somersault from which he sprang, slicing and stabbing more straw-filled opponents.

Han had draped himself forward over the fence, and involuntarily one of his weathered hands moved over, pressing an open splay of fingers against his mouth.

Ben grunted with satisfaction as he reached the top of his makeshift climbing wall, finally having managed to scale it with the use of only one free hand.  He reached above the edge with the arm holding his sword first, pulling the rest of his body after, and with a flourish he’d flipped his long legs up and over, landing on the dirt below in a controlled squat.

A loud, slow clap startled Ben out of his concentration and he whipped his head around, sending a cascade of wavy hair across his brow.  Han was standing up straight now, just beyond the edge of the paddock, applauding with a practiced sincerity.

Ben shook the hair from his eyes as he stood, starring back at his father while he worked to catch his breath.

“That was amazing,” Han congratulated as he opened up the gate and stepped through.  “Really, very impressive.”

He walked over to Ben with a goofy smile on his face, doing his best to embrace whatever proud dad-ness he could muster.

Ben squinted at his approach, the setting suns casting an orange glow across his skeptical face.

“When’d you get back?” he asked, rather than acknowledging the compliment.

“Just now,” Han waved the question off.  “Your uncle teach you to do that last time he was here?”

Ben shrugged.  He generally preferred to just be vague with his parents rather than outright lie.

“Well geez, kid, you don’t seem very happy to see me-”  Han held his arms out hopefully and Ben mumbled an apology before stepping into them.

Ben felt his father’s hands rub affectionately against his back and was inclined to wrap his skinny arms around the man’s midsection.  The return of the gesture stopped there, however, as one of his hands hung lifeless while the other maintained a deathgrip on the metal hilt of his sword.

“I missed you, kiddo...” Han spoke gently as he laid a kiss atop the boy’s head.

Ben said nothing, only pressing his face slightly harder against his dad’s shirt.

  


///

  


Kylo tried desperately to roll himself over on the wet floor as a deep breath had turned into a cough, and in the midst of the cough he’d begun to choke.

Halfway between being on his side and his stomach, Kylo was now able to clear his throat of all the blood and spit that had threatened to block it.  As the expelled fluids splattered across the already stained and sweaty duracrete, Kylo admitted ruefully that it had made sense for Snoke to choose one of the more decrepit areas of the castle for his training.

It had been two months now.  Two months of re-living Ben Solo’s life one piece at a time, all the while Snoke sending varying types of pain and discomfort shooting through him from head to toe.

He didn’t dare question his Master’s tactics, and as a result, Kylo didn’t entirely understand the practice that he’d been tortuously enduring these many weeks.

He suspected it had something to do with him associating these memories with physical pain, and therefor learning to hate the mere idea of being Ben Solo...  But at this stage in the process- as he dragged his bruised, bloodied, and aching body into a kneeling position while Snoke looked on, unimpressed- it was really only making him hate being Kylo Ren.

“How are you feeling, my apprentice?” the commanding voice inquired tactlessly.

“Fantastic.”

Kylo spat another disgusting wad of juices onto the floor and looked up at Snoke expectantly.

“My tutelage is boring you, my young warrior?” Snoke pressed, waving a bony arm to indicate the room, and within it, all the metaphorical knowledge he was offering.

“No, Master,” Kylo answered.  “It exhausts me.”

Snoke leaned back in his chair, regarding the young Knight’s sudden bout of honesty.

Kylo, in turn, remained on his knees and accepted his Master’s scrutiny... as he was simply too tired to do anything else.

His day had begun with a sense of disquieting instability in the Force that told him something terrible was about to happen, and it had really only gotten worse from there.

Snoke rested his crooked chin in the palm of his upturned hand and starred thoughtfully down at his protégé.  The young man drooped forward, bracing his hands upon the floor to keep from toppling over.  The Supreme Leader had also felt the disturbance earlier that morning... but unbeknownst to Kylo Ren, Snoke had been privy to what was causing it, and had managed to hide this information from the person it was most relevant to.

It was almost impossibly uncommon that Snoke had ever been unsure or regretful of his actions regarding his carefully cultivated army of Knights...  So it was with a slight sense of astonishment that he found himself re-evaluating the Force block he had placed upon the head Knight, at the time thinking it was for his own good.

There was no doubt that the Supreme Leader regarded this young man, unfinished though he was, as his greatest tactical accomplishment.  The pedigreed descendant of both royalty and war heroes; Jedi and Sith- Kylo Ren was the perfect weapon for whomever controlled him.

_But perhaps,_ he wondered, the leash he’d held all these years might have been kept too short for too long... restraining Kylo at his feet.  Hindering his growth.

Worst of all, Snoke began to worry that in his efforts to assure Kylo Ren had nothing to lose, he might also have cultivated a reality in which he had nothing to live for.

Kylo’s palms suddenly began to sweat profusely, slicking the ground beneath them and causing him to slip forward.  He pushed a knee out to brace himself, and as a chilling revelation tore through his consciousness his mouth fell agape.

The torrent of images flooded into his mind and a stabbing pain overtook his gut.  The feeling.  The disturbance.  It was meant to warn him.

Only now...  Only now it might be too late.

Kylo lifted his head and proceeded to glare up at his Master with a murderous fervor even the Supreme Leader found alarming.

_“You..._ You _knew.”_   His words came out like weapons to support the threat in his eyes.

“I want only what is best for you, my appren-”

Kylo was up and rushing for the door before Snoke could even finish.

“Kylo Ren,” he commanded at the Knight’s back but was ignored.

_“KYLO REN,”_   Snoke thundered, bringing him to an unwelcome stop.

Kylo spared an angry glance over his shoulder, panting impatiently.

“After you have handled your... personal business, you will rendezvous with General Hux aboard the Finalizer and assist him in his campaign.  And when I see fit... you will return here to complete your training.  This is a grace I am affording you, and I suggest you don’t make the mistake of taking it lightly.”

Kylo only deigned to blink in acknowledgment before spinning on his heels and fleeing his Master’s demanding presence.  The second he was through the door Kylo broke into a full-out run, whipping past a startled contingent of guards and servants.

As he rushed into the the open plaza area they sometimes used as a hangar on the castle grounds, Kylo thanked himself for the foresight in ordering his personal vessel be delivered three weeks ago when Hux had departed with their shuttle.  _He’d gotten off easy..._   Kylo groaned resentfully as he reached the Eta-2 Actis Class Light Interceptor and frantically climbed inside.

He didn’t often pilot his own transportation but still it came like second nature as he flipped the necessary switches, primed the ignition, and set the coordinates in record time.  The craft dutifully rumbled awake and in a flash of light it was gone, scoring the earth it had departed from.

With the ship safely set into lightspeed, Kylo finally had a moment to stop and breathe.  Relaxation of any sort was not in the cards, however, as he found that his fury at his Master’s manipulation of him was quickly being edged out by a profound sense of panic, rising in his throat like a sickening bile.

He closed his eyes.  Every decision he’d made in the past four years now coming back to haunt him, Kylo wondered at how he ever could have been so stupid.

The Interceptor shuddered slightly, setting off a buzzing alarm, and instinctually he punched the gear panel with the side of his fist, correcting the problem.  It was an older starship, vestige of a bygone era, and though it looked a bit rough and had its flaws- Kylo had found it to be surprisingly reliable and something of a strange comfort.

He reached up and dragged his fingers through his thick hair, pushing it away from his face.  Affording himself another comfort, he lifted his heavy helmet from the seat beside him and pulled it on, hearing the hiss of its mechanics for the first time in a long while.

Kylo focused on taking deep, steady breaths that filled his lungs to capacity over and over, using the rhythmic sound of the mask’s modulator to try and keep himself calm.

It was the longest flight of his life.

  


///

  


The Interceptor landed forcefully on a patch of scorched earth and when Kylo lifted the overhead hatch, his cockpit quickly filled with black smoke, confirming his greatest fears.  Climbing out of the craft in such a frenzy, Kylo’s foot slipped on the ladder and for a moment he was left dangling from it by his hands.  He let go, landing on the ground with a thud, and turning around in circles he found that he could hardly see two feet in front of him.

Kylo moved forward, through what used to be the garden, as beams of sunlight began breaking through the dark clouds.  The ash floating through the air glinted under the bright sun, creating a kind of macabre winter scene complete with black snow falling from the sky.

Kylo shut his eyes and reached out with the Force.

He mentally berated himself for not noticing the loss of his connection for an entire day- _Had he really been so neglectful of it lately?_

But there.

He felt it.

Soft.  Frightened.

But _alive._

Kylo sprinted into the still smoldering structure, a once great mansion now reduced to a collection of crumbling stone hallways and rooms with missing walls.

He threw aside broken furniture and pulled crooked doors from their hinges, tearing across the palatial home with an unshakable focus.

He didn’t even stop when he began to see the bodies.

Past the empty bedrooms and through the shortcut in the dining hall, Kylo’s stride never faltered or slowed its pace.

He was nearly there.

_’If anything bad or scary ever happens- you go to your secret place.  If someone comes to the house that you don’t know- you go to your secret place.  If Uncle Takoda ever tells you to hide- you know where to go.  Promise me.’_

The door to the library was jammed shut and Kylo had to slam his shoulder into it three times before it splintered open.  The fire hadn’t made it this far.

He was jogging across the expansive room, his feet thumping on the series of elegant carpets that lined the floor, when he rounded the corner of a large reading table and froze.

Just ahead of him, maybe ten feet away, was Takoda.  Dead.

Kylo slowly approached him and knelt down to check the old man’s pulse with his fingertips, but there was nothing.  His eyes traveled over Takoda’s crumpled form, taking in his injuries.  He looked to have been tortured.  And then executed.

Kylo shot to his feet and continued running until he reached the far corner of the room.  He dropped to his knees in front of a particular floor-to-ceiling bookcase and reached out to tip the top corner of a blue leather bound book just slightly in his direction.  A click sounded, followed by the whoosh of a three foot tall panel in the bookshelf swinging backwards into a hidden room.

Kylo made himself as compact as possible and began crawling forward into the passageway.  Twisting his shoulders to fit them through the small space, Kylo looked up and was met with the greatest relief of his entire life.

Sitting atop a pile of tiny pillows and fuzzy blankets, with bright green eyes tinged red from crying, was Uncas.  Three years old now, and the lone survivor of a calculated massacre that either meant to capture- or kill him.

Uncas looked back the mask that so many regarded with either fear or contempt and went scrambling towards it with sheer, unbridled joy.

“Daddy,” his already quiet voice muffled even more as Kylo enveloped the boy in his arms.  “You’re home.”

  


///

  


Poe Dameron leaned inconspicuously against the open doorway of the hangar bay, staring intently across the small tarmac.  About sixty feet away was Rey, decked in a pair of oil-stained coveralls, working tirelessly under the hot afternoon sun.  The X-Wing she was currently servicing had its guts half spilled out on the ground, and Poe found himself amused by the way Rey was jumping over various machinery and plane parts.  Almost like a child playing hopscotch.

He pushed himself off the wall and started over to her, grinning when BB-8 zoomed up to accompany him.

Rey turned at their approach and used the sleeve of her coverall to mop the sweat from her brow.

“Hey,” Rey squinted in their direction.  “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing at all, just...” Poe waved his hand in the air, “Wanted to say ‘hey’.”

“Okay,” Rey replied, not entirely convinced.  She gave an awkward smile.

“Actually there was something,” Poe admitted.

“What is it?”

Poe pushed his hands into his pockets.  “I, uh, wanted to see if I could convince you to come with me to the intelligence briefing that’s about to start.”

Rey made a confused face and let her mouth hang open for a minute before responding.  “Why would you- I mean, no,” she shook her head.  “I don’t belong there.”

“I think you’re wrong about that.”  Poe took in the chaotic mess around them, “ _This_ is where you don’t belong...  You should be piloting one of these things- not changing its oil.”

“I just repaired the low pressure oxidizer turbopump, thank you very much,” Rey countered haughtily.

“You know what I mean,” Poe pointed his chin at her.  “The Resistance has plenty of good mechanics, Rey.  What they _don’t have_ is a powerful Force-user that can do things in battle that no one else can...”

“I don’t use the Force anymore," Rey dismissed.

She then made a show of picking up a socket wrench from her toolbox only to then realize she had no immediate use for it and simply began tapping it against the side of her leg.

Poe was undeterred.  “C’mon, I saw you use it in the mess hall just yesterday-”

“That was-” Rey prickled defensively and pointed her wrench towards the commissary building.  “Their refusal to make me an omelette after oh-eight-hundred hours is absurd.”

Poe chuckled.  “Fair enough...  I still say your talents are being wasted here, though.  And as much as I’m sure we’d all like to take advantage of your late morning breakfast hook-up, I think if you really wanted to serve the Resistance and make a difference... you’d stop being afraid of your power and actually put it to some good use.”

“I’m not afraid,” Rey mumbled towards her feet.

“So come with me then,” Poe urged.  “The General has information about new First Order activity and I suspect she’s going to be tasking me with a covert mission.  If it would help me to bring you along, I’d very much like to do that.”

Rey regarded him for a moment and let out a deep breath.  “All right... I’ll go with you to the meeting.” Poe nodded and BB-8 made a pleased chirp.  “ _However_ if I feel I’ve got nothing to add or contribute, that’s it.  No more flack from you and I get to go back to what I’m comfortable doing.”

“Deal,” Poe stuck his hand out to shake Rey’s.  When he pulled it back he involuntarily made a face at the transfer of engine muck he’d just received.  “You uh, might want to get cleaned up first, though.”  He looked up at Rey and pointed a finger at the area just above her eyeline, “You got a little something there.”

Poe smiled and headed off towards the strategy conference room, BB-8 trailing behind him.

Rey frowned, and turned to walk over to a reflective panel hanging off the side of the craft to get a look at herself.

“Great,” she grumbled upon seeing the streak of shiny, black grease that she’d managed to smear across her forehead.  “That’s just... great.”

  


///

  


Hux watched from the docking bridge, hands stiffly clasped behind his back, as Kylo’s private vessel landed in the hangar bay.

“General,” a timid voice spoke from behind him, “Should we send an arrival party to assist Lord Ren?”

“No,” Hux firmly answered, not removing his focus from the small ship as it began to power down.  “Leave him be.”

Moments later the ship’s cockpit opened up and Kylo carefully climbed out, a small bundle wrapped protectively in his arms.

He was nearly to the interior end of the hangar when he sensed someone watching them and stopped.  He looked up, and through the glass wall of the bridge, Kylo could see the frustrated mix of relief and anger on the General’s face.

Kylo stared back at him for a long moment, his mask revealing nothing of his emotions.  Hux resented the privacy that this afforded the other man, and coolly took a step backwards, obscuring himself in the shadows.

Kylo lowered his gaze and adjusted his grip on Uncas’s sleeping form before continuing on through the doorway and into the belly of the ship.

“Sir?”

Hux didn’t reply and the anxious second officer was forced to raise his voice.

_”Sir?”_

“What is it?” Hux spat as he whipped around.

Officer Istu cleared his throat and proceeded, “Sir, now that... everyone’s on board, should we notify the flight crew that they’re clear to make our jump to the core worlds?”

Hux glared back at a room full of anticipatory faces all frozen in wait for his approval, and restrained himself from rolling his eyes.  “Yes, obviously.”  He strode towards the exit and barked to no one in particular, “Must I do everything?”

He slammed his fist against the door release and was gone in an instant, leaving the room in a stunned silence.

  


Kylo, meanwhile, had returned to the private quarters he’d not seen since before the destruction of Starkiller Base.  It was a modest collection of rooms, dark and undecorated, not really a proper place for a child.  But it would have to do, he reasoned.  At least for now.

After gently laying Uncas down on the bed, careful not to wake him, Kylo removed his helmet and began collecting all the pillows and blankets he could find.  He then used them to build a kind of protective cushion around the child, in case he should roll over in his sleep or get jostled by the movement of the ship.

Stepping back to inspect his work, the young Knight bit at his lower lip.  The makeshift crib looked functional enough, but as always Kylo was left with the sinking feeling that he didn’t quite know what he was doing as a parent.

Before he could delve any deeper into self-doubt his attention was called to a knock at the door.

Kylo was quick to exit the bedroom and close it off, protecting Uncas from any further noise, but he dragged his feet walking from there to the main door.  He even took the time to check the hallway surveillance monitor, despite already knowing who was there.

Another knock sounded.

Hux listened to the locks disengage as he stewed in his annoyance at Kylo making him wait for so long.

When the door finally opened an unmasked Kylo stood before him, effortlessly blocking the entryway with his large frame.

Hux lifted his chin in an attempt to be taller.  “I want to see him.”

Kylo regarded Hux in his agitated state and took his time before answering.

“No.”

Hux bristled.  “Right, well, I was actually just humoring you, Ren- that wasn’t a request.”

Kylo spared no verbal response, but his choice to not move even slightly out of the way said plenty.

Hux glared back at Kylo’s unfazed expression, feeling impotent in the knowledge that he could never in his wildest dreams pose any sort of physical threat to the man standing before him.

“He’s mine too, you know,” Hux argued desperately.  “You can't keep him from me forever."

His plea fell on deaf ears however, and Kylo gave a cold smirk before stepping back into the room just enough to shut the door in Hux’s face.

The normally composed General then proceeded to punch an inanimate object for the second time in less than twenty minutes.

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=517yu0)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/post/151318809294/this-will-destroy-you-by-yesmydarling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN.  
> So I know I said Kylo & Rey would (probably) meet up in this chapter... but then I started writing it. And it got long. Very long. So long that I had to split it into two parts. Hidden blessing though in that the next one is already 90% done and I'll be posting it soon.  
> But yeah, chapter 5 is looking like the reunion at this point...  
> Sorrrrry.  
> This is the slowest burn in town, folks.


	4. Compromise

  
  
  


Rey only had just enough time to wash her face and change her shirt, rushing to arrive at the briefing two minutes late.  When she opened the door it groaned loudly causing every set of eyes in the room to shift in her direction.  She blanched, feeling immediate regret at letting Poe talk her into this.

“Sorry, I-”

“Rey,” General Organa kindly beckoned her into the crowded room, “Please, come in.  Poe told us you’d be joining.”

Rey cautiously stepped forward and closed the door behind her.  She spotted Poe waving at her from the far left side of the conference table, indicating that he’d saved her a seat.  Probably figuring it was the least he could do.

Leia didn’t wait for Rey to settle in before continuing her introductory remarks and Rey grimaced at the realization that she had in fact interrupted her.

“Like I was saying, the reason I’ve brought you all here today is that we’ve collected enough information from our outposts and recon ships to confirm that the First Order has adopted a new domination strategy in the wake of their primary weapon being destroyed.”  Leia spared an appreciative nod in Poe and Rey’s direction before continuing, “It seems that in lieu of building another large scale base of operations they’ve begun diversifying, spreading themselves to the farthest reaches, one planet at a time.”

“Hostile takeovers?” Admiral Statura spoke up.

“No, it appears that they’re... bribing them."  Leia shook her head incredulously as she continued, “Even systems that so recently were subjects of the New Republic are now openly pledging their allegiance to the First Order.” 

“What are they bribing them with?” Poe spoke up.  “Money?”

“Money... trade rights... safe interplanetary passage... you name it.”

“Now how come we never thought of that?” Snap Wexley grumbled from the back of the room.

Leia shrugged ruefully, “Unfortunately we lack the First Order’s bank account...”

“Where do they get all their funding from, anyhow?” another pilot questioned.

“Maybe Kylo Ren won it in a beauty contest,” Wexley suggested, laughing at his own joke.

Rey’s eyes immediately darted over to General Organa, only to catch her trying to mask any sort of reaction she might have had to the mention of her son’s adopted name.  Watching her, it suddenly occurred to Rey that not everyone might be privy to Kylo Ren’s true identity nor his relationship to the esteemed Resistance General, and it was probably best she not mention it to anyone.

The ribbing about the notoriously dashing Knight of Ren continued until a strategic officer named Enola interrupted the rowdy contingent to ask, “Are we even sure that Kylo Ren is still alive?”

The room turned in Enola’s direction and seemed to be considering the question for the very first time.

“I just mean,” she nervously continued, “No one has even seen or heard anything about him in _months,_ not since Starkiller was destroyed and-”

“He’s alive.”

It took Rey a moment to register all the faces that had just shifted to look at her, and realized with some alarm that it had been her voice that just spoke.

“How... how do you know that?” Enola questioned.

Rey awkwardly cleared her throat, the gurgle seeming especially loud as everyone waited with rapt attention for her answer.

“Oh, I uh, I don’t...  I only meant,” she paused her verbal fumbling to dart her eyes around the room, wishing someone would interrupt and save her, but alas.  “It’s just that I saw... lights.  When I was boarding the Falcon I looked back... at where I’d left him.  Kylo Ren.  So...  I just figured...  You know, that...  Someone must have... got- gotten him."

She licked her lips, praying that this was an adequate answer and everyone would go back to ignoring her.

“And you’re confident the injuries he sustained in your battle weren’t life threatening?”

_No such luck._

“Um...  I’m not a doctor so I don't-”

“In your best estimate?” the same, unfamiliar voice asked.

Rey took a deep breath before speaking in an effort to sound confident.  “I would say...  I’d say his first wound, the bowcaster shot he took while still inside the oscillator, was by far his worst injury, and even that didn’t stop him from chasing down Finn and I and nearly killing us both.”

Snap Wexley leaned in from his chair and snidely insisted, “But that was just like- a _graze,_ right?  I mean, no one could actually-”

“No, it hit him full-on,” Rey corrected.  “He was bleeding heavily throughout our entire fight.”

The assembled party responded to Rey’s statements with a combination of skepticism, shock, and even some reluctant awe.

“Ask Chewbacca, if you don’t believe me,” she insisted.  “Look, I don’t know if this has been made clear to everyone, I’ve heard some comments and whispering around here the last couple months and I just want to set the record straight-  If Kylo Ren hadn’t been grievously injured when I challenged him to that duel...  I’d be dead now.  That’s a fact.”

“But he wasn’t so injured that you think he might not have survived?” Admiral Statura questioned.

“No.  Like I said-”

“Rey,” General Organa stopped her with a gentle raise of her hand.

Rey sat back in her seat, clamping her mouth shut.

Leia had noted the girl’s building frustration and thought it best to interject before things got too out of hand.

“I think we’re getting off track here...  Until we have confirmation otherwise, we are to assume any and all known First Order operatives are still at large and still an imminent threat.”  Leia slapped a hand down on the table, activating a solar map hologram that hovered above it, and briskly moved ahead with her presentation.  “The planet Balmorra.  Having at different times in the last hundred years been under the domain of both the Republic and the Empire, this industrial world is home to some of the largest weapons manufacturing plants in the galaxy.  So as you can imagine, with the New Republic out of the picture, Balmorra makes a very enticing target for the First Order.”

“What’s your plan of attack?” Admiral Ackbar finally spoke up.

“I want to send in a small, covert team to infiltrate the higher echelon of Bin Prime, the planet’s capitol, and set a trap before the Order has a chance to get there.”

“And we’re sure they haven’t made contact already?” Ackbar inquired.

“Not yet,” Leia answered.  “But it’s only a matter of time and we need to act immediately.  I need six volunteers.”

Before Leia had even made a full turn around the room, Poe was on his feet.

“General, I’d like to lead this mission- with your approval.”

Leia smiled gratefully at him, “Without question.”  She slid a file folder across the table to land in front of Poe and he picked it up but waited to look inside.  “Take an hour to assemble your team and bring them to Hangar 3.  I’ll have a ship prepped with all the necessary supplies, ready to go.”

“Thank you, General,” Poe nodded.

Leia waved a hand to the crowd, “Dismissed.”

Everyone began to shuffle out of the room but before Rey could get very far a hand reached out to grasp her shoulder.

“Could I talk to you for a minute?” 

Rey turned to see Leia with an urgent look on her face.  She glanced back as the door shut behind her before returning her attention to the General.

“Of course,” Rey attempted to sound casual, hoping to overcome the fear that she was about to be in trouble for something.

“It’s nothing,” Leia soothed, seeming to read her thoughts.  “There was just something I wanted to... clarify.  When you mentioned earlier-”

“I’m sorry if I said anything that-”

Leia shushed her and continued.  “It’s just that I wanted to ask...  Is there something I should know about-- you and my son?” 

Rey’s look of utter astonishment was priceless, but Leia quickly continued before it had a chance to become anything else.  “You see, _I know_   that Ben is still alive...”  She casually leaned against the edge of the table, folding her arms across her chest.  “I was just- curious, how _you_   knew.”

Rey became flustered, gapping her mouth a bit, “Like I said I-”

“Rey, honey,” Leia interrupted once again.  “Please don’t bullshit me.  I’m too old for bullshit.”

Rey’s eyebrows arched in surprise but one look at Leia’s stern face told her there was no real option here but to come clean.

She let out a large sigh that puffed out her cheeks for a moment and began fiddling with the hem of her shirt.  “I... I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“Try.”

Rey struggled to maintain eye contact, finding she could only hold it for a second or two before having to look elsewhere.  “I can...  I can _feel_   him...”

She glanced at the General, hoping to read her response, but found her expression rather inscrutable.

Whether this was the explanation Leia had been expecting, or a complete surprise, Rey really couldn’t say.

Leia pondered Rey’s answer for a moment before thinking to ask, “Did Luke know?”

Rey bit her lip and nodded.

“I see...  That explains some things, I suppose.”

“General, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to lie to you, I just-”

“It’s okay,” Leia shrugged.  She seemed to be taking it way better than Rey would’ve ever expected her to.  “It’s a funny thing to have to tell someone.  Especially... someone's mother."

Rey held her hands out in front of her, waving them helplessly.  “I honestly have _no_   idea what’s going on.  Sometimes I feel like I’m inside of his head... seeing through his eyes and hearing his thoughts...  And other times, other times it’s like he’s _right there_   in the room.  Standing next to me.  Practically breathing down my neck.”

Leia smiled sympathetically at Rey and uncrossed her arms to slide her hands into her trouser pockets.  “I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with this, Rey.  I can’t imagine it’s been easy...  But, and I know this is going to sound crazy, I’m actually quite jealous of you.”

Rey was finally able to look the General head-on, but now it was the elder of the two women who struggled to lift her eyes from the floor.

“I’d give anything to be able to understand him better...” she continued mournfully.  “To be near him.”

Leia looked to be on the edge of tears and Rey decided to give her some space.

“If that's everything, I'll just-”

Leia looked up at her, sniffling.  “I’m sorry, it seems like every time we’re alone together I turn into a blubbering mess...”

“No,” Rey consoled her, “You’re fine.  Don’t- don’t worry about it.”

Leia nodded and Rey gave a quick, close-mouthed smile and headed for the door.

“Rey?” Leia called after her.

Rey turned back and waited.

“Would you...” Leia pushed her shoulders back and looked at Rey hopefully.  “Would you go with Poe- on this mission?  I’d really feel better knowing he had you on his team.”

“General, I-”

“Just give it some thought.  Maybe it would do you some good.  To have a distraction?”

Rey gave a small, appeasing nod and headed out of the room.

She wandered aimlessly down the corridor, lost in her own thoughts.  Wondering if the General was right and it would help to have something else to focus on.  Something other than _him._

When she reached the common area at the end of the hall, Rey looked up to find none other than Poe and Finn, both clearly waiting for her.  The two men were sat atop a large table, legs dangling off the side, stupid grins on their faces.

Rey rolled her eyes, dropping her head to one side.

“So?” Poe charmingly nudged at her.  “Are you in or are you in?”

“She’s in, right?” Finn mockishly asked him.

“Oh yeah,” Poe grinned, “She’s definitely in.” 

Rey shook her head bemusedly as she ambled toward them.

“Yeah, yeah...” she grumbled.

“I knew it!” Finn beamed as he high-fived his co-conspirator.  “She’s in.”

  


///

  


Kylo Ren was tired.

And not in the had-a-rough-night, need-some-caffeine kind of way, either.

He was bone tired.

_Soul tired._

Sitting in an armchair that he’d pulled up beside the bed, watching Uncas as his tiny chest lifted up and down and his precious pink lips cooed and gurgled, Kylo felt the tense muscles in his neck knotting themselves together.

He hadn’t slept.  Not for months.  Not really.

If it wasn’t the nightmares keeping him restless each night, it was the dreams.

Sometimes, when he was able to shut his eyes for a bit, he dreamt of his father.

Of knowing him now, as an adult, and with a son of his own.  They'd swap stories, Kylo would ask for advice, and Han Solo would watch his grandson grow older.

Occasionally, he’d see his mother.  Much older now.  The result of both time and trauma.  And only there- in his imagination- did she forgive him.

But lately the dreams had been mostly of... her.  The girl.

He’d never even bothered to ask for her name.

But in his momentary bouts of sleep he knew what it was.  Knew everything.  Knew _her._

Only for him to wake suddenly and find none of these things to be true.

His father was dead.  His mother, alone.  And the nameless girl haunting his days probably never thought of him at all.

Often times the dreams were far worse than the nightmares.

Kylo was slowly rolling his neck in circles, trying to get it to relax, when he felt the ship shudder upon its exit from hyperspace. 

He looked to the intercom on the wall as it emanated a sequence of three soft tones before a lilting, robotic voice crackled through.

_’All senior officers: please report to the main bridge.  I repeat, all senior officers to the bridge.’_

With a quiet groan, Kylo lifted himself from the chair and reluctantly moved from Uncas’s side.  He shuffled over to the data panel on the living room wall and checked on the status of his cybernetic order.

There were no pre-existing nanny droids aboard the Finalizer, seeing as before today there’d been no children, so Kylo had seen to it that one meant for protocol was being reprogrammed and sent to assist him in caring for Uncas.

Kylo told himself the droid was meant to fill in for him while he was busy or away, but in truth he felt highly ill-equipped to be raising a child on his own and desperately needed both help and guidance.  And circumstances being what they were, his only real option was to order a second and more knowledgeable parent essentially out of a catalog.

After confirming that the droid would be ready soon, Kylo rather lazily began reapplying the outer layers of his uniform, skipping only the cowl, and ending with his mask.

He glanced back at the bedroom before leaving his quarters and heading towards the bridge.

He took his sweet time, stopping at one point to simply stare out of a viewing window for a solid minute, and ultimately was the last to arrive.

The assembled officers did not fail to notice the rather languid pace of Kylo Ren’s entrance, much in contrast to how he normally moved about the ship, and nor were they ignorant to the waves of irritation rolling off of General Hux in response.

“How kind of you to grace us with your presence,” Hux drawled from behind a bank of monitors.

Kylo ignored him and moved to stand beside Lt. Mitaka, who looked just about ready to jump out of his skin. 

Hux gave a small nod to Capt. Phasma, who stepped forward and began detailing the mission they were about to embark on.

Everyone gave their undivided attention as she spoke, save for Kylo who was trying not to be too obvious in his lack of interest, and Hux, who had noticed.

Phasma was taking questions now and Kylo found his focus drifting to look out of the observation windows.

There was a large, gaseous world, burnt-red in color, looming just ahead and it occurred to Kylo that it wasn’t one he was familiar with.

“What’s that?” he asked, silencing the group.

Hux rolled his eyes away from Kylo and needlessly inspected a readout on the monitor in front of him.

“It’s a planet, Ren,” he snarked. 

Kylo very slowly turned back in Hux’s direction and raised his brow beneath his mask, almost impressed with the General’s openly hostile interjection.  Several sets of eyes shifted uncomfortably between the two men.

“It’s the planet Balmorra, Sir,” Capt. Phasma stepped in, clearing her throat and hopefully some tension from the air.  “You’ll be leading the negotiation team to meet delegates from the capitol city while my troopers and I begin seizing control of the factories.”

Kylo nodded and Phasma dutifully saluted him before turning back to Hux.

“Dismissed, Captain.  Have your envoy ready to ship out at oh-fourteen-hundred hours.”

Phasma saluted the General before departing the bridge and the other assembled officers took this as their cue to disperse.

Hux looked up challengingly at Kylo, who stood alone now, the nebbish Mitaka having fled from his side.

“Can I have a minute?” Hux gestured to his office and walked over to it without waiting for Kylo’s response.

When Kylo finally followed him in he found Hux trying to look calm but failing.

Kylo had intentionally left the door open and the young General stepped around him with a huff to slam it shut.

Hux took a deep breath.  “I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I say that you and I have reached an impasse and it needs to be addressed before we can continue working together.”  He glared resentfully at Kylo's helmet.  “Are you really not going to take that thing off?” 

Kylo remained silent and unmoving.  A dead-eyed statue in no mood to do anyone a favor.

Hux made a noise like he was sucking a bit of food out from between his teeth and decided to get to the point.  “Do I at least get to know his name?” 

Kylo was seriously considering maintaining his silence if only to anger Hux further, but ultimately he relented, and letting out a raspy breath through his modulator he answered.  “Uncas.” 

Hux nodded, whispering the name back to himself, as if to get used to the sound.

“You know, thanks to you, he’s pretty much the only family I have left,” Hux needled. 

Kylo sighed as he stepped away, feigning interest in the medals and framed filmsheets Hux had displayed on the far wall.  He’d always refused to let Hux’s blameful taunts rattle him and today was no different.

“What- still not talking to your parents?” he chided over his shoulder.

Hux glared at Kylo’s back.  “No, interestingly, my father still seems to be blaming me for _your_   mistakes.”

Kylo still refused to take the bait and continued perusing the General’s memorabilia, stopping only when he came across a familiar photo.

It was a graduation class picture from Arkanis, breeding ground for so many of the First Order’s brutal elite, just as it had been previously for the Empire.

It was easy to spot Hux, the only ginger-haired one in the group, and right there beside him was an unmistakable mop of black hair that sat above a pair of particularly large ears.

He turned around to catch Hux looking very uncomfortable with where Kylo’s attention had just been and mercifully sought to lighten the mood.  “I always hated that haircut...” 

Hux didn’t quite smile but his expression softened, as did the tone of his voice when he spoke again.  “I just want to see him- talk to him a little, that’s all.” 

Kylo studied his counterpart’s face from behind the safety of his mask.  Fighting the urge to continue dismissing him just as he had been for years.

But he was about to leave the Finalizer for the length of this mission, and realistically he knew there wasn’t much he could do to prevent the General from going wherever he wanted in Kylo’s absence.  It was best to just accept Hux’s request and set a few ground rules.

“He’s really quiet...”  Even through his mask, Kylo’s voice sounded gentler when speaking of his son.  “Not that he’s shy or anything.  He just- doesn’t like to talk very much.”

Hux nodded hopefully.  _Progress, this was progress._

“And he’s been through a lot.  Everyone... everyone was dead when I got there.” 

Hux’s brow furrowed angrily.  “Do you have any idea who-”

“No,” Kylo cut him off.  “But I will soon enough.  And when I’ve found whoever did this-- I will use every last resource of the First Order to wipe them from existence.”

“Yes,” Hux adamantly agreed.  “I shall help you however possible.” 

Kylo spared Hux a grateful nod before heading for the door.  “Come on,” he spoke ahead of him.  “Come meet your nephew.” 

Hux did his best not to look too eager as he followed Kylo through the doorway and away from the bridge, ignoring whatever strange looks they received from the assembled crew.

They walked through the halls in silence and just before reaching Kylo‘s door the Knight stopped so suddenly that Hux almost stumbled into him.

”Don‘t- don‘t say anything to him about me that you wouldn‘t want me to find out about.  I guarantee you he‘d tell me.”

”Ren, I‘m not here to-”

“And I don’t want you telling him about his mother,” he quickly added.

Hux‘s face flashed with surprise before he covered it with a look of frustration.  “Are we not even saying her name now?”

“I mean it,” Kylo reasoned.  “He’s too young.  And... it would only confuse him.”

“Fine,” Hux agreed before impatiently indicating the entrance to Kylo’s quarters.

Kylo reached over to the panel and punched his code in, opening the door with a whoosh.

The two men were barely a step inside before being assaulted with an aggressively cheerful greeting.

“Why hello, Master Ren.  General Hux, Sir.  I would like to introduce myself, I am H-3PO, human-cyborg relations, formally an interpretor and communications expert here on the Finalizer just as I had been on many other infamous star destroyers and First Order strongholds, now repurposed for personal child care and home defense.”

Hux physically recoiled from the blue-tinted humanoid and turned to Kylo, “What _is_ that?” 

“Fuck me, they sent a threepio,” Kylo groaned.

“I beg your pardon?” H-3PO asked in confusion.

“Nothing,” Kylo muttered.  “Is he awake?”

“Why yes Sir, Master Uncas is fully conscious now and playing in the bedroom.  He asked for you upon my arrival and I informed him that all senior officers were currently assembled on the bridge and that you would return shortly.” 

“Wait here,” Kylo spoke to Hux, already tuning out all non-essential information from the irritatingly familiar droid.  He then removed his helmet and went to the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“That’s a very nice belt buckle, General.  Quite shiny.”

Hux slowly turned his head, his wide eyes locking on the droid in disbelief.

  


When Kylo entered his bedroom he found all the pillows and blankets dragged from the bed, draped over the armchair and piled onto the floor.  Uncas had managed to make himself a kind of tent structure and was currently huddled beneath it.

Kylo pushed his overcoat away from his legs and knelt down, gently lifting a corner of one of the blankets to peak inside.  Uncas’s full cheeks scrunched up as he smiled back at the amusing image of his giant father trying to insert himself into such a tiny space.

“I think if I try to come any further I’ll end up wearing your fort...”

Uncas giggled softly and crawled forward, pressing himself up against the Knight’s chest.

A shuddering breath came tumbling out of Kylo as he buried his face in the boy’s hair, intoxicating himself with affection and wondering how he’d ever been convinced to leave Uncas in the first place.

_Snoke._

It was Snoke, he remembered.

He had told Kylo that hiding the child away was best.  That he should let others raise and care for him.  That he would only cause harm.

And he’d been just young, gullible, and insecure enough to believe it.

_What’s done is done,_   Kylo thought as he watched Uncas slide out of his arms and lay down across the padded floor, pulling a pillow up against his tummy.  He had him back now and that was all that mattered.

Kylo reached out and grasped a few of Uncas’s toes between his fingers and wiggled them comfortingly as he spoke.  “I’ve got to go to work for awhile but you’ll be safe here on the ship while I’m gone, ok?  I got you a droid to take care-”

“Haytch,” Uncas informed him happily.

_Oh great, he’d already given that nuisance a nickname..._

“Right.  Haytch is gonna look out for you till I get back.”

Uncas nodded, unfazed.

_‘Why should it bother him that I’m leaving again so soon?’_   Kylo scolded himself.  _’Not like I’ve been around much before.’_

Kylo bit back his feelings of insufficiency and continued.  “There’s also someone else I want you to meet, his name is Armie and he’s your uncle.”

Uncas’s face lit up.  He didn’t speak aloud but his projected thoughts asked if this new uncle was like his Uncle Takoda.

Kylo scrunched his forehead sadly, “No, not exactly...  Me and Uncle Armie knew each other when we were younger.  He’s... sort of like a brother to Daddy.”

Uncas seemed to accept this and squished his face into the pillow he was holding.  Kylo released his grip on Uncas’s foot and brought two fingers up to his mouth for a kiss that he then pressed against the boy’s cheek.

“I’ll be back soon, kiddo.  Be good for your robot.”

Kylo scooted back out of the tent and heard Uncas softly correct him.

“Haytch.”

Kylo shook his head.  “Right, sorry.  Haytch.”

Kylo stood, softly smiling to himself, but made sure to adopt a more stoic expression before opening the door.  No need to start showing weakness in front of Hux now, even if they were technically family.

He poked his head out of the bedroom and was amused to find Hux and the droid still standing in the middle of the main living space, staring warily at each other.

“Am I interrupting?” Kylo asked, quirking an eyebrow at them.

“Not in the least,” Hux tugged at his already perfectly straight jacket and stepped forward.  He gave Kylo an inquiring look and was grateful when the Knight stepped aside, allowing him to enter the smaller room.

He spotted the makeshift dwelling on the floor and looked back at Kylo, unsure.  Kylo nodded towards the blankets encouragingly and leaned up against the doorframe to observe, coming to a kind of peace with this new development.

He saw a flicker of disdain cross Hux’s face at the prospect of crawling around on the floor, and had to stifle a laugh as the General tugged his pant legs upwards, loosening the material enough to kneel.

It was probably just as well he hadn’t let him meet Uncas as an infant.

Hux reached out for the blanket but thought better of it and knocked timidly on the floor instead.  “Hello?” he asked, tilting his head.

Before Kylo could witness any more of this already rather amusing exchange, the intercom came to life again and informed him that his crew was assembled and waiting for him in the hangar.

“Hux?” Kylo stopped him as he was lifting up the edge of the blankets.  Hux looked back at him.  “Keep him safe.”

Hux nodded confidently and Kylo turned away to gather his mask and cowl.

He found both items in the helpful arms of Haytch and scowled as he retrieved them.  The cowl went on first, then the helmet, and then his gloves.

He left his quarters this time without needing to look back.  Knowing his son was in safe hands until he returned.

  


///

  


Rey was back in her dorm room and though she still didn’t have enough time to shower she was at least able to change into some fresh clothes.

Dark grey utility pants, tucked into a pair of standard issue black combat boots.  A grey t-shirt with the orange Resistance logo embroidered on the top left corner of her chest, and a matching grey bomber jacket that puffed out around her torso and cinched in at her hips.

There was nothing wrong with the uniform, per say.  It was functional.  Comfortable.

But as Rey stared back at her reflection in the mirror she just couldn’t help but think it simply wasn’t _her._

She looked like a soldier.

And she _felt_   like a fraud.

Rey sighed and turned away from her reflection, going to collect the rest of her things.  She slung her napsack over one shoulder and looked down at the lightsaber that lay atop the nightstand.

_Was it her’s now?_   she wondered.

Skywalker had rejected it...  and Maz Kanata had encouraged her to wield it...  But Rey was no Jedi, and no longer had any hope of becoming one.

It seemed odd for her to continue using the specifically mystical weapon.

A week or so after he’d awoken, Finn had regaled her with Kylo Ren’s insistence back when they’d been fighting on Starkiller- that the saber rightfully belonged to him.  And Rey had to admit that considering the weapon’s lineage, his claim made a demented sort of sense.  Which was appropriate for the Force user in question.

No, she decided.  She wouldn’t take the saber with her on this mission.  Not when a blaster would work just fine.

She nervously picked up the hilt, always worried now that touching it could bring her another terrifying vision, and walked over to the trunk at the foot of her bed.  Punching in the code, she lifted the heavy lid and deposited the weapon inside.

How fitting it should lie beside the pilfered memory sticks and holovid projector she’d already stashed there.

No one had yet noticed the missing projector and Rey wasn’t going to return it until they did.

Not when she was so consumed with watching those videos over and over again.

She blushed, self-aware enough to know it was ultimately wrong for her to be so impertinent.

To usurp memories from someone else’s life and use them to indulge her voyeurism so freely.

Even if they were _his_   memories.

Even if he deserved so much worse.

Rey closed the lid of the trunk and locked it, hiding away her secrets.

She stood, scanning the room once more for anything she might have forgotten before heading out.

  


///

  


When Rey arrived at the small shuttle she found everyone else already onboard, with Finn awaiting her on the ramp.

He smiled broadly at her approach and reached out to take her bag.

“Hey, you look great,” he offered, gesturing at her uniform.  Rey smiled meekly and followed him into the ship.

She’d off-handedly assumed that Poe would assign her to be his co-pilot but peering into the already crowded cockpit she dejectedly realized that wasn’t the case.

Lt. Stanhope looked to be helping Poe fly the ship and meanwhile Finn was directing Rey to one of the nondescript crew seats in the back.  No sooner was everyone strapped in then Poe had them airborne and on their way to Balmorra.

The shakiness of the journey was a strange comfort to Rey, and she quickly came to realize how much she’d missed space travel these past couple months that she’d spent grounded on the base.

A short while into the trip, Stanhope walked into the back and began detailing everyone’s duties regarding the infiltration and the setting of their trap.  Rey waited patiently to hear her role in the stealth activities but it never came.

Finally she interrupted him to ask, “What about me?” 

“You’re the muscle,” Poe cheerfully supplied from over his shoulder.

Stanhope nodded in agreement and turned his attention to Rey.  “Pretty much we just need you to watch our backs.  Give us a heads up if you spot any enemies approaching.

Rey did her best to hide the disappointment.  All this fuss and deliberation just for her to be the glorified lookout?

Stanhope continued to prattle on, but even only half-listening Rey could tell none of it was especially relevant to her.

It’s just as well then, that an increasingly familiar sensation began creeping up the back of her neck.

Her brow was suddenly damp with a sheen of perspiration and _yeap,_   sure enough, there was his scent.

Rey gritted her teeth and dug her fingernails into the armrests on either side of her.  She felt an impossibly dry gust of hot air brush across her face and she squinted at a bright sunlight that didn’t exist within the ship she was on.

Taking a deep breath she found the musky aroma of Kylo Ren to be accompanied by a hint of sulfur and some kind of metallic essence in the air.  And wherever he was, it was _hot._   The sweat coming from Rey increased substantially just before coming to an abrupt end, returning Rey to the relative darkness and recycled air of the Resistance shuttle.

She tried to discretely collect herself but Finn finally noticed something was awry and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

“You okay?”

Rey nodded.

Finn caught a slight tremor in her hands as she set them down in her lap and asked again, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Rey assured him.  “I’m fine.  I just...  Suddenly I have a bad feeling about this.”

Finn smiled and shook his head at her concerns.

“Nah, don’t stress.  Everything’s gonna go down just fine.  You’ll see.”

Rey wanted to believe Finn and his earnestness, but as they began making their descent through the atmosphere of Balmorra and thick, red plumes of smoke and gas enveloped the craft, the feelings of dread and impending danger only grew stronger.

_He felt so close._

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=29dhagx)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/post/151319562214/this-will-destroy-you-by-yesmydarling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo & Rey finally reunite in the next chapter (!!)
> 
> Thanks for burning super slow with me ;)


	5. Collision

  
  
  


Kylo Ren stood with his back to the assembly, staring out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the East wall.

The negotiations had been going on for the better part of two hours now and Kylo had never been so certain of his lack of interest in politics as he was in this moment.

He’d studied them of course, both as part of a standard classical education and at his mother’s insistence.  But matters of state had bored him as an adolescent and they bored him still.

The mundane details, the petty compromises...  Kylo struggled to see the value in arguing over things that already had such clear resolutions.

War wasn’t about coming to an understanding.  It was about strength.  Leverage.  Power.

When faced with occupation by a dominant adversary, you realistically have only two options.  Fight...  or surrender.

Nobility or practicality.

This bargaining nonsense grated on Kylo’s nerves.

Looking out over the waste-ravaged horizon he wondered at why the Balmorrans were even resisting the First Order’s subjugation of their toxic planet in the first place.

At least if they were under the Order’s domain they might have a chance at contending with their environmental problems, in particular the metal parasites that had moved from the factory wastelands and were presently feasting on the durasteel buildings and bridges right here in the capitol.

With the New Republic gone, Balmorra was a lost nation.  A drifting rowboat with no oars.

The First Order was their savior, come to deliver them unto prosperity and renewed productivity.

_They should be on their knees and thanking us,_ Kylo seethed to himself.  Not sitting behind him, whining about trade percentages.

“Well that should settle it then, if we’re all in agreement...”  The voice of lead negotiator Lt. Winnetka remained controlled and authoritative, but his volume had suddenly increased, indicating that he was now speaking beyond the length of the table.

“That is, if you have nothing to add, Lord Ren?” he specifically directed to the Knight’s sunlit silhouette.

Kylo turned his head and was about to nod in approval when a pot-marked, greasy haired Balmorran began flapping his mouth.

“Oh, does it actually speak?  We thought him a specter come to haunt us into submission...”

The assembled First Order officers and a few wise Balmorrans stiffened knowingly in fear as Kylo slowly allowed his body to follow the path of his head and he turned to face the brazen loudmouth head on.

“You do look so much like Vader...” the man sneered.  “And I reckon you’re just as hopelessly inept at diplomacy as he was.  Nothing more than an rabid-mouthed attack dog, always threatening to break from its leash.”

Kylo steeled himself.  This weasel deserved not so much as a _hint_ of emotion from him.  When he spoke, Kylo made certain to keep his timber steady and unnervingly calm.

“If you’re seeing phantoms, Sir, then perhaps you’re much closer to death than you’d realized.”

A quick exchange of wary looks bounced around the boardroom before an elderly gentleman- the Balmorran Minister of Finance, braced himself to speak in defense of his colleague’s ignorance.

“Your excellency, I beg your forgiveness, he didn’t mean-”  Kylo silenced him with the raising of a gloved hand.

“Minister, are you satisfied with today’s negotiations?” Kylo asked the old man whilst keeping his masked gaze focused on the slightly younger instigator.

“Yes, Commander Ren.  Very.”

Kylo moved closer.  Gliding.  Stalking.

“So a further ten percent reduction of controlling interests in your weapons export would not be to your liking then?”

The Minister balked.  “Sir, I beg you...  That would devastate our economy.”

“Indeed it would.  So I leave you with a choice-”  Kylo had moved to stand quite close behind the man who’d disparaged him and watched as he only just now began to regret his words.

“Your Councilman Borega, here...  Or your precious ten percent.”

“My Lord, I-” the Minister grappled for a reply but was interrupted by the panicked pleas of Borega.

“This is madness!  You can’t just let this- this- _ghoul_   come in here and threaten me!  I’ve been a member of this assembly for over three decades!  You need me!”

Borega tried to climb from his chair but in the blink of an eye Kylo’s lightsaber was in his hand and activated, spitting sparks in the Councilman’s face as he nervously lowered himself back into the seat.

“Minister?” Kylo sought the old man’s answer.

“I- I don’t know what to say,” he admitted.  “How can I sign this man’s death warrant?”

“Because it’s what’s best for your people, Minister Xaiem.  One man’s life for the stability of millions,” Kylo soothed, still holding his saber inches from the Councilman’s face.  “The answer should be simple.” 

Minister Xaiem sighed and dropped his head down, giving a slight nod of acceptance in Kylo Ren’s direction.

“Very well,” Kylo took a step back and Borega gaped at the Minister’s submission before casting desperate looks around the table in search of a savior, but finding none.

Unexpectedly Kylo disengaged his saber, the fiery blade retracting with a rumbling hiss, and Borega spun his chair around to face the Knight in confusion.  He looked at the hilt in Kylo’s hand, then up at his masked visage, a flicker of hope passing through the Councilman’s eyes.

“You’ve not earned a death at my hand, Councilman Borega.  Not in this life, or the next.”

Kylo turned to the two stormtroopers guarding the door and beckoned them over.

“Sir?” they asked, coming to stand before him.

“Take this man outside to the front steps and execute him.”

“Yes, Sir.”

The troopers quickly pulled the stunned Councilman from his seat and began dragging him out of the room, the toes of his boots squeaking as they left black trails of rubber across the floor.

The door slammed shut behind them and Kylo casually made his way back over to the window.  He looked down at the bustling plaza, pleased that there would be many witnesses.

“I should inform you, Minister Xaiem, that Councilman Borega had been siphoning off credits into his own personal accounts for nearly eight years.”

Kylo didn’t need to look back to see the surprised and disturbed faces of the assembled Balmorrans.

“I need not prove it to you, you’ll find the money yourselves without much trouble,” Kylo informed.

“But how,” the Minister questioned.  “How did you know?”

Kylo didn’t bother to answer and everyone’s attention was soon drawn to a commotion down below.  Countless citizens began screaming and running for cover as the two stormtroopers tossed the disgraced politician down the capitol steps and raised their blasters at him.

The rest of the delegation joined Kylo at the wall of windows and peered down in morbid curiosity.

The troopers informed the frightened populace that this man was being terminated by order of Kylo Ren and the First Order and quickly fired their blasters in unison, sending Borega sprawling out face first at the base of the steps.

While some of the Balmorran council, and even a couple First Order officers, shuddered in distaste for the violent and very public act-  the others now looked at Kylo Ren with a newfound sort of respect.

“Your traitor has been dispatched and once news of his death spreads your citizens will be unlikely to resist a partnership between Balmorra and the Order,” Kylo spoke confidently.  “So... win-win.”

Lt. Winnetka cast a look over to the towering figure in black and wondered at what measure of his behavior was impulsive and what was entirely calculated.

Perhaps that was why Snoke and Hux had tasked the Master Knight with this commission.  Not to oversee negotiations and approve settlements...

But to put the fear of god in everyone.

  


///

  


Kylo was back on his command shuttle, sitting in the small private room in the rear of the ship, waiting impatiently to leave.  He’d removed his helmet and was resting his head back against the cool metal wall, peering down his nose at the empty bench across from him.

No one ever rode with Kylo in this tiny compartment, save for that one time.

He recalled pointedly ignoring the curious looks that were directed his way as he’d carried the girl onboard in his arms and walked straight to the back without stopping.

He easily could’ve passed her off to a stormtrooper, or hell, even just dumped her on the floor.  But no.

  


_After the automatic door shut behind him, Kylo laid the girl down gently, feeling his breath catch in his throat as he slid his arms out from under her._

_He stepped backwards, folding himself into the seat opposite her and stared.  She was young, several years his junior at least, but on the cusp of being hardened and prematurely aged by life._

_Her skin was tanned and her garments filthy, telling him that she’d clearly been living in the harsh desert landscape of Jakku for some time.  Everything about her seemed economical, practical._

 _Save perhaps for her elaborate hairstyle, it having come slightly undone as Kylo had chased her through the woods._

_The pursuer in question was currently gripping the arm rests of his chair, digging his fingers into the leather as he fought the urge to reach out and brush a stray bit of hair from her face._

_It had been quite some time since Kylo had been alone with a woman, and the circumstances of this encounter were, surprisingly, entirely new._

_He considered momentarily going back into her mind while she slept.  Finding out what she knew about the map, and why.  But he hesitated._

_Kylo shook his head at himself, recognizing immediately the absurdity of wanting to wait for her to be conscious for the act.  Wanting her to be aware.  As though they’d be sharing something special and he didn’t want her to miss out._

_Or maybe it was that he somehow thought she might be impressed?  Flattered?_

_This day was certainly going in an unexpected direction._

  


“Sir?” a timid voice coming through the intercom shook Kylo from his reverie.

He pressed the button to respond, “What is it?”

A pause.  Kylo had previously noted that most crew members were often thrown by hearing his natural, unaltered voice and it generally took them a couple of seconds to recover.

“S-sir, just an update from Captain Phasma.  She’s doing a final sweep of the surrounding warehouses and should be back within the hour.”

Kylo sighed, another hour on this abysmal planet.  “Be ready to go as soon as they return.” 

“Yes, Lord Ren."

Kylo turned away from the intercom and rested his head back again.  He let his eyes drift shut and couldn’t help but reach out for the memory again.

But what he found was something else.

Her.

_She was here._

Kylo’s eyes shot open in surprise.

She was here on Balmorra at this very moment- but why?

_‘The Resistance...’_   Kylo gritted his teeth.

He shoved his helmet back on and stormed back into the main space of the ship.

Lt. Winnetka was talking to the two pilots when Kylo burst into the room and he turned to the Knight in alarm.  “Sir?  Is something-”

“Resistance fighters,” Kylo cut him off.  “They’re here.”

Winnetka turned to the cockpit panel in confusion.  “We haven’t picked up anything on our scanners...”

“They might be in small numbers, keeping a low profile.”  He moved towards the exit of the ship.  “Inform Capt. Phasma and put everyone on alert.”

Kylo began stomping down the ramp of the shuttle and Winnetka called after him, “Sir, perhaps you should wait here until we confirm the severity of the threat-”

Kylo glanced back over his shoulder at the Lieutenant, igniting his saber in sweeping arch before turning away again and heading off.

The assembled First Order officers and troopers that had been lingering outside of the Upsilon shuttle where caught off guard by Kylo Ren’s exit from the craft.  They then watched in fearful awe as Kylo’s dark form went thundering back into the city, almost sympathetic to whomever the Knight was looking to hunt down.

  


///

  


“Rey?  Are you there?”

Rey pressed her finger against the comm link in her ear and wished for a quick second that they’d given themselves cool code names to use.  “Yeah go ahead, Finn.”

“Rey, we gotta get out of here-”  His voice sounded panicked.  “We’re aborting the mission.”

“Why?  What’s wrong?”  Rey began moving back in the direction of their shuttle, glancing to her sides for any sign of danger.

“The First Order beat us here.  And they just executed someone in front of the capitol.”

Rey gasped.  “But wait- isn’t there something we could do- shouldn’t we help?”

“Negative,” Poe’s voice broke through the connection.  "Far as we can tell they had the Balmorrans’ permission to do it.  We’re too late, it’s time to evac _now._   Everyone rendezvous at the shuttle and watch your backs.”

A chorus of affirmatives echoed through the comm link and was followed by silence as everyone focused on getting out alive.

Rey’s strides grew longer and faster and soon her jog became a sprint.  The polluted air burned in her lungs and her eyes began to water but she ignored the discomfort and pushed ahead.

She made one rapid turn after another, zig-zagging her way through the endless rows of warehouses.

After a few minutes Rey estimated that there couldn’t be more than half a dozen left between her and the ship now, and she felt the comforting rush of near-safety.

It was premature, however, as not a moment later the very ground she was running on was ripped away from her.

Or rather _she_   was ripped away from _it._

The darkness of the open doorway had seemed innocent enough as she went to rush past it, but like the crack of a whip Rey was yanked from her current course.  She flew sideways into the shadowy warehouse, pulled by an invisible lasso that gripped her by the waist.

She rolled when she hit the ground, the filthy surface leaving trail marks of grey dust upon her clothes and hands.

Disoriented still even as she came to a stop, Rey didn’t know which way to look until she heard the vicious hiss of his lightsaber.

There, blocking the doorway, looming even larger than she’d remembered.

Kylo Ren.

Rey scrambled to her feet, grappling to free the small blaster from her leg holster, wondering why she hadn’t already had it out.

No matter.  Before she’d even had the chance to take aim at him, the masked villain had Force-grabbed it out of Rey’s hand and into his.

Easily.  Casually.  As though he were picking low-hanging fruit from a tree.

Rey died a little inside at how quickly things had gone south for her and was easily startled when the door slammed shut behind the menacing Knight.  The action bathed him in blackness, leaving only the skylights overhead to illuminate the massive room.

Her eyes darted around, looking hopelessly for means of escape but finding only dozens of enormous wooden crates, most ranging between five and ten feet tall.

“Don’t try to run,” his modulated voice warned.  “I’d hate to have to hold you down.”

Rey breathed a sharp intake of air and apprehensively started backing away from him.

He followed, matching her unhurried pace but in a decidedly more confident manner.

Rey came to a halt once she’d backed herself up against a crate and was relieved only in that Kylo Ren had stopped as well and didn’t continue advancing on her.

Kylo used her blaster to motion towards his left ear and then pointed it at her right one, indicating the earpiece he knew she was wearing.  Rey reluctantly removed the only means of communication she had with her team and tossed it on the floor between them.

Kylo stretched an impossibly long leg out and crushed the communicator with his boot.

He squared his massive shoulders at her.

“So- we meet again.”

His voice was taunting.  Pleased, even.

Rey scowled back at him.  “I must be unlucky.”

Kylo gave his saber a casual twirl.  “I’ve wondered that about myself at times...  But then I figure, luck is just what we blame when our destiny disappoints us.” 

Rey’s brow furrowed as she wondered at his casual tone.  Why was he talking to her at all, let alone in such an amiable manner?

“Wh- what do you want with me?” she pressed uncomfortably.

Kylo hesitated, perhaps annoyed at her unwillingness to make conversation with him.

But then, “You never answered my question.”

He strolled slightly closer and Rey watched his movements intensely.

“What question?”

“I offered to teach you.”  He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  “You never gave me your reply.”

Rey’s lips parted in surprise.  “You can’t be serious...”

“I’m really not known for being flippant,” he quipped.

Rey shook her head in disbelief.  “Why waste your time on me?  What do you stand to gain from it?  From any of this?” She waved her arm, indicating their interaction.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve met anyone like me...”  

He sounded oddly sincere.

“I am _nothing_   like you,” she spit back.

Kylo let out a bemused huff.  “You’d be surprised.”

“I really wouldn’t.”

“I was lost once too-  Unsure of my place in the universe.  My role...”  Kylo wiggled his saber in his hand in such a playful way, like a nervous child having to speak in front of their classmates.  “But once I discovered who I truly was, I was able to find my path.  My destiny.  Just as you will.”

“My destiny is to get as far away from you as possible and stay there.”

A corner of Kylo’s mouth turned upwards beneath his mask.  “That doesn’t seem too likely though, now does it?”  He reached up and tapped the base of his saber hilt against the side of his helmet.  “I’ve felt you...  poking around in there.”  He lowered his arm back down.  “And I would’ve done the same to you if I didn’t find your life so incredibly boring-”

Rey‘s eyes flashed indignantly.  “Go to hell.”

He shrugged.  “What makes you think I haven’t been already?”

Rey struggled to assess the strange creature standing before her.  “Are you hoping for my pity?”

“Of course not.”

“Good.”

“If anything, I pity you-”

Rey yelped defensively as Kylo continued.  “I mean, I thought _my_   childhood was a disaster but _yours..."_   He whistled lightly.  “Impressively pathetic.”

Rey took a deep, hate-filled breath and emboldened herself with every ounce of defiance that she could muster.

“I can honestly say, without any question in my mind, that there is nothing I could _possibly_   want less... in the _entire galaxy_... than _your_   pity.” 

Kylo’s eyebrows lifted appraisingly under his mask.

“See, now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings,” he pretended to chide her.

“What feelings?” Rey accused, despite all evidence to the contrary.

It was easy enough to charge a faceless shadow of being empty.  If it were a man standing before her, _that man,_   she would have to contend with the reality of his emotional depth.

But it wasn’t, so she didn’t.

The mask tilted slightly to one side, observing her.

“What’re you wearing?” Kylo asked quizzically, finally noticing the military-esque uniform that looked so out of place on her body.

“What?" Rey blurted in confusion, looking down at herself and then back up at him with a frown.

“You look like a propaganda poster,” he lamented.  “Take the jacket off.”

“What?  No.”  Rey recoiled slightly, pulling the jacket tighter around her torso.

“I need to see what you’re hiding under it,” he explained.  Kylo waved his saber at her impatiently.  “Off.”

Rey let out an indignant huff as she whipped the puffy jacket from her body and tossed it aside.

She condescendingly held her arms out and slowly turned in a circle as if to say _’See?  Nothing?’_

Kylo felt a pull of distraction at seeing Rey’s fitted shirt clinging to her in such a nice way but he quickly regained his focus when he spotted the obvious absence of anything hanging from her hips.

“Where’s your weapon?” he asked accusingly.

“In your hand,” Rey sassed back.

Kylo looked down at the small blaster he’d already forgotten he was holding.  Without a thought he casually tossed it into the air, swinging his saber to effortlessly slice it in half.

“I mean your _real_   weapon.  The saber.  Where is it?”

Rey looked back at him nervously and Kylo cocked his head in a patronizing manner.

“You didn’t lose it, did you?”

_”No,”_   she growled defensively at him.

A moment of silence passed as he stood waiting for further explanation and Rey pursed her lips and looked away from him.

“I’m not training to be a Jedi anymore...” she muttered self-consciously.

Kylo stepped forward, reclaiming Rey’s attention, and waved his saber in a dramatic flourish that seemed meant to impress, rather than threaten her.

“Neither am I,” he purred.

He moved in close, almost at arms length, and Rey felt the edge of the crate behind her dig into her shoulder blades as she tried to back away but couldn’t.

“You’re a Force-user.  Plain and simple.  Titles are irrelevant.”

Rey snorted.  “Kinda rich, coming from you-”

Rey mentally began to rattle off all the distinctions she'd come to learn about Kylo in recent months.  _Fallen Jedi; apprentice to the Supreme Leader; former apprentice of Luke Skywalker; descendant of Darth Vader and Queen Amidala; son to a Princess turned General & a Rebel Alliance war hero...  Prince Kylo.  Master of the Knights of Ren.  Commander of the First Order._

_Good grief._

She shook her head, “I’ve never met someone with so many titles.”

Kylo lifted his brow in surprise, having just read her rather detailed thoughts about him.

“What’re you- writing my biography or something?”

Rey smiled back at him snottily, “No, but if you kill yourself I promise I will.”

An unrestrained laugh of surprise came through Kylo Ren’s modulator and it was the most unsettling thing he could’ve done, short of throwing his mask off and kissing her.

Rey’s eyes bugged out in alarm.  _Where had **that** thought come from?_

Kylo’s chuckle faded away and he turned to look directly at her.

_Oh fuck, had he heard that too?_

For what felt like an eternity they both did and said nothing.

The air in the room felt still and heavy, and the only existing sound was the thrum and cackle of Kylo’s fiery saber as he continued holding it at his side.

Rey looked over and fixed her curious eyes on the blade, hypnotized by the rolling waves of orange light and the hot, red sparks that shot from it at random.

She watched as his large, leather-clad hand flexed around the hilt and thought back to when he’d twice held that hand up to her face and forcibly entered her mind.

A gesture that seemed all but unnecessary now as Rey was convinced her thoughts couldn’t be made any more obvious to him if she were shouting them into a megaphone.

She shifted her attention up to his mask and the sliver of obsidian glass where his eyes should be and stared into the nothingness.

If she didn’t know any better, Rey could almost swear that she saw an image of herself mirrored back from his perspective... and was surprised to see how beautiful she looked.

_Was that really how he saw her?_

Kylo slid his thumb across the saber hilt, disengaging the plasma with a hiss, and delivering them to an even more loaded silence.

Rey opened her mouth to speak just as Kylo seemed to be stepping towards her again, but they both froze at the sudden sound of troopers approaching the building.

Kylo reignited his saber, startling Rey, but his posture was unmistakably defensive.

Capt. Phasma’s mechanical voice was growing louder as she ordered troops to begin searching the surrounding buildings.

Kylo stepped around Rey and used his lightsaber to deftly split open the crate behind her.  The panel tipped forward as she stepped out of the way and Kylo caught it with his free hand.

“Get in,” he gestured for her to climb into the straw-packed box and Rey looked between it and him, completely baffled.

_”Now,”_   he insisted.

Seeing no other option than to do as he said, Rey stepped around the panel and wedged herself in beside some kind of large piece of machinery.  The hay being used for packaging made her nose tickle and she pressed the back of her hand up to her face to keep from sneezing.

Kylo gently tipped the panel closed and disappeared.  Rey only had a split second to try and process what was happening before he quickly opened it again and tossed her jacket in to her.

“Don’t come out until we’re gone,” he warned and began closing the crate back up.  But then he paused, and leaned in to grab her attention once more.  “And don’t ever let me catch you without a lightsaber again.”

And then there was darkness.

Rey sat huddled in stunned silence as the man she recently tried to kill, the man she’d thought to be her greatest enemy... forced the splintering wood shut in order to hide her, and then strode back outside like absolutely nothing had happened.

She strained her ears to capture all that was being said, but Rey was certain at least that Kylo Ren was lying.  To his own people.

And he was doing it for her.

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2uo1mcm)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/post/151972080114/this-will-destroy-you-by-yesmydarling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whew* That chapter was actually kinda nerve-racking to write... I hope I did their reunion justice. Please let me know your thoughts- Feedback is highly appreciated!
> 
> In other news you can now see the full size version of each chapter poster thanks to my fancy new tumblr. I'll be posting other reylo fanart and such there as well so if you're a tumblr user (or lurker, as I was until recently) then come check it out 
> 
> At lastly thanks as always for reading!


	6. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah. So very sorry for the delay on this chapter. Life cares nothing for my writing schedule.

  
  
  


It’d been maybe twenty minutes or so since Kylo Ren had stashed her away inside the crate, and Rey felt an unpleasant tingling sensation as her cramped legs began to fall asleep.  She tried to shift her position as quietly as possible, still not entirely sure that the coast was clear and not wanting to find out that it wasn’t by drawing attention to herself.

The First Order Knight had led a handful of stormtroopers back into the room just moments after he’d left it, letting them do a quick sweep while he casually stood blocking the crate that Rey was stowed away in.  She’d pressed one eye up to a small sliver between the wood panels and watched as he did this.  Watched as he protected her.

As the troopers filed back out of the warehouse and on to the next one Kylo followed them, glancing back in Rey’s direction as he silently ordered her to remain hidden.

_’No worry there,’_   Rey had thought.  She was far too scared to move.  Almost too scared to breathe.

Time passed torturously slow as she waited, left with only her racing thoughts as company.

Her time spent locked up in a box had given Rey ample opportunity to analyze the day’s events, but her grasp of what had occurred between her and the rogue Commander made no more sense to her now than it did as it was happening.

Everything about the exchange baffled her...  From his casual demeanor when referencing his previous offer to teach her, to his annoyance at her not carrying a lightsaber.  _His_   lightsaber.

And most confusing of all- the moment when he’d stepped in front of her as his own troops approached, angry.  Possessive.

What ownership did he think he had of her to behave that way?  She was nothing to him.  A pest.  A nuisance.  A witness to his failures.

If anything, the most logical thing that Kylo Ren should’ve wanted was for Rey to be dead and gone.

But instead he’d actively kept her alive.  Stuck his neck out for her even.

And if wanting her to become his student was the Knight’s ultimate motivation, then why had he just left her there?  Rey knew all too well the ease with which Kylo Ren could knock her unconscious and whisk her away- so why hadn't he?

And why for the love of all that was good and rational did Rey feel _disappointed_   by this?

She pressed the heels of her palms against her temples, trying the crush the betraying thought from her mind, and wondered if she might be just as crazy as he was.

She shifted again, feeling claustrophobic now and growing ever more desperate to stretch out her limbs.

_’We’re leaving.'_

She stilled and her introspections came to a sudden halt as she heard Kylo Ren’s low rumble of a voice invade her consciousness.

_'Wait five minutes then go.'_

Rey immediately wanted to admonish him for the invasion but decided this probably wasn’t the time.

She did as he told her and counted the seconds until it was safe to begin kicking against the panel.  It took several awkwardly angled hits until the wood splintered at the frame and Rey was finally able to push it open.

She spilled out onto the duracrete floor, flopping onto her back and extending every part of her body to its fullest length.  She took a deep breath of fresh air and then let it out in a slow, satisfied exhale.

What a sight she must have been.  A rookie Resistance agent, spared from certain death by the enemy leader, now left making snow angels on the dirty floor.

Rey rolled over, groaning at the stiffness of her muscles, and slowly pushed her legs beneath herself and stood.  She plucked her jacket from the busted crate and slid it back on, then looked out the open doorway of the warehouse and began to shuffle towards the light.

She was still some distance from where their ship had been docked and though she doubted it would still be there when she arrived, Rey dutifully headed towards the rendezvous point just to be sure.

The walk there was enough to loosen her up and by the time Rey reached the empty lot where the Resistance shuttle had once been, she felt physically back at 100%.  Which was good, considering she was now stranded alone on an unfamiliar planet that had just made an alliance with the First Order.

She turned in a circle, considering her options, and seeing nothing but warehouses and factories in three out of four directions, Rey shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket and reluctantly started off towards the Capitol.

  


///

  


Kylo leaned up against the doorframe at the entrance of Hux’s office and watched as the General furiously toiled away.  His face was hung low to the desk in concentration and his narrow shoulders were hunched up above him.

A minute passed before Hux glanced up through his eyebrows and admonished Kylo’s looming presence.

“Come in or piss off,” he murmured.  “You know I hate lurkers.”

Kylo pushed himself from the doorway, closing off the office before reaching up to press the mechanical latches at the sides of his jaw.  He slid into one of the chairs opposite Hux’s desk and tossed his helmet into the other one.

An almost imperceptible glance at the discarded mask was the extent of surprise Hux was willing to show at Kylo’s sudden willingness to unveil himself, and he pointedly continued working as he addressed his company.  “I hear you had a casualty on Balmorra.”

Kylo blinked slowly.  “Is that a question?”

Hux tossed Kylo a reproachful look before returning his focus to the large datapanel in front of him.  He scribbled away with the stylus in his right hand while simultaneously flipping digital pages with his left.

The edges of Kylo’s broad mouth turned upwards in a slight smile as he thought of how grateful he was to have someone like Hux around to do the jobs he himself would be loathe to do.

Hux was built for it though, a shrewd pragmatist and tech-savvy bureaucrat.  He was a man of his times in every way that Kylo wasn’t.

The Knight looked down and regarded himself in amusement.  The draped knit cloak; the heavy wool overcoat; the tabbard; the leather pants.  The archaic design of his already ancient weapon.  Kylo let out a brief chuckle that drew Hux’s full attention.

The General ceased working and leaned back in his chair, looking across the desk curiously.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” he asked accusingly. 

Kylo shrugged noncommittally and Hux sighed, knowing he wasn’t likely to get a better response.

He chose to re-address the incident on Kylo‘s mission instead.  “So other than the spontaneous execution everything went well, I take it?”

Kylo gave him a tempting look.  “What makes you so sure it was spontaneous?” 

“You, mostly,” Hux retorted.

Kylo leaned impossibly far back in his chair, oozing bravado.  “If you’re not a fan of my diplomacy methods perhaps you should convince the Supreme Leader my talents could be put to better use elsewhere,” he offered.

Hux shook his head ruefully.  “If it were entirely up to Snoke I imagine you’d still be on the floor of his castle, writhing in pain for his amusement...”

Kylo’s eyes widened in shock and his languid body posture stiffened.  He was genuinely taken aback, both at Hux’s knowledge of what his recent training sessions entailed and at the General’s willingness to openly disparage their leader.

Hux caught the Knight’s stunned reaction to his unfiltered aside and suddenly felt compelled to fill the silence between them with an awkward explanation.

“I told him I needed your help.”  Hux blurted out, surprising even himself with his honesty.  A slight flush crept onto his cheeks as he confessed, “I... thought you could use a break.”

Kylo wasn’t ignorant to the fact that this was a kindness Hux had spared him even before he’d allowed him to meet Uncas for the first time.  Still, he couldn’t quite bring himself to say thank you.

Not to Hux.  Not after everything.

Instead he cleared his throat and pivoted the conversation, “How did everything go here?”

Hux, grateful that Kylo didn’t press for a better justification for his subterfuge, nodded his head appreciatively.  “Well.”  He continued nodding, more than necessary.  “He’s quiet, like you said.  But clever.”

“Very,” Kylo agreed, feeling a hesitant sense of paternal pride.

Hux swallowed a large lump in his throat before noting, “He has her eyes.”

_‘And it’s unnerving,’_   he added silently.

Kylo’s forehead scrunched together, casting a shadow over his dark eyes.  The ones that looked so unlike his son’s.  He dropped his head down and began toying with a loose thread on one of his gloves.

“That nose is all Solo, though...” Kylo mumbled, trying to lighten the mood.

Hux gave an almost smile that quickly morphed into a grimace, taking note of the Knight’s especially rare use of his proper surname.  “How long are you planning to keep him on board?” he questioned.

“Indefinitely.”

Kylo didn’t have much of a plan beyond wanting to keep Uncas close, and he still had zero clues as to who had gone after the boy, so he found himself stuck in something of a holding pattern- pretty much until a solution magically fell into his lap.  But damned if he was gonna admit that out loud.

Hux rubbed an itch on his nose and spoke carefully.  “You should probably have a backup plan...  Should the Finalizer end up in combat.”

“I will,” Kylo answered simply.  “Though that doesn’t seem too likely to happen anytime soon.  Our numbers are growing by the thousands while their’s slowly dwindle.  Did you hear they sent a single shuttle to try and intercept our convoy?”

“I did.  Quite brazen of them.”

“Not brazen,” Kylo corrected.  “Desperate.  They don’t have adequate enough manpower to stage a proper attack, especially with how diversified we’ve become.  Until that changes their only real option is espionage.”

“Hmm.  Well perhaps it’s fortunate that we have you here after all.  Who better to root out spies in our midst than you?”

_’Someone who didn’t willfully help them escape?’_   Kylo mused to himself.

He’d spent the entire return flight to the Finalizer carefully considering the exchange he’d shared with the girl back on Balmorra.  And beyond his amusement that once again he’d failed to ask for her name, Kylo regarded their interplay with a distanced sort of ambivalence.  An aloofness.  An outright refusal to give complex meaning to his own actions.

It was reasonable that he should ask to train her once again.  Kylo was already a Master in his own right and it made sense for him to take on an apprentice of his own.  And the preternaturally Force-sensitive girl was the most obvious choice to be his pupil.

In many ways- the only choice.

And in the months since Kylo’d made the request the first time, nothing had changed in that regard.  Save perhaps for the previously unmarred planes of his face.

But he hadn’t blamed her for that.  Not for a second.

And as for hiding her away from Phasma and the scouring troopers...  He couldn’t very well train her if she was dead, now could he?

Kylo knew it would be no small undertaking to convince the girl to trust him beyond a command of obvious self-preservation...  The degree to which she’d have to be willing to give herself over to him was significant.

And maybe it was a sense of something he’d felt in her, or his own naturally prevalent self-assurance, but Kylo was confident that it was only a matter of time before his motivated efforts prevailed and she came to him, wanting and eager to learn.

And if not, at least he’d enjoy the pursuit.

Feeling a slight thrill at the early formation of his plan and at the active need to keep secrets from Hux and the rest of the Order, Kylo surged with purpose as he sat up in his chair and reached over to grab his helmet.  “I’m going to go check on Uncas.”

Hux gave a single oblivious nod as Kylo stood and strolled away confidently, putting his masked helmet back on as he went.

He was almost to the door when the General’s voice broke through the silence, stopping him.

“I can’t believe you told him to call me ‘Armie’...”

Kylo turned back to Hux who was already busying himself with his datapanel again.  He seemed intensely focused, but Kylo quickly wondered if he wasn't just faking it to avoid eye contact.

“No one’s called me that in years,” he grumbled, still speaking down towards his desk.

Kylo regarded the top of Hux’s head for a moment, debating whether or not to explain himself.

Ultimately he wasn’t sure whether he’d answered out of kindness or cruelness.

“She did.”

Kylo’s voice was now modulated by his mask, erasing any telltale hint of emotion from his words.

Hux looked up and stared at Kylo as he lingered in the doorway, a faceless vision of black yet again.

The General’s eyes slowly dropped away, unmistakably clouded with grief, and eventually he hunched himself over once more and returned to his work.

Kylo coolly backed out of the office before turning on his heels and heading to his quarters.

  


///

  


As Rey crossed from the strictly industrial outskirts of Bin Prime and into the city center’s bustling streets, she felt a pang of frustration with her blatantly tactical clothing once more, as now, rather than just making her _feel_   out of place the ensemble was making her _look_   out of place as well.

All it took was a couple of sideways glances from suspicious passerbys before Rey determined that she needed to make a change to her appearance immediately or be swiftly caught.

Without breaking her stride, Rey whipped off her jacket and hastily turned it inside out, exposing the garish orange lining.  She pulled it back on and zipped it all the way up to the collar, careful not to let anyone spot the Resistance logo on her shirt before it was dutifully covered up.

She then moved towards the right side of the street which was lined with endless merchant’s carts and display racks in front of all of the bodegas.  And with a quick nod of thanks to her Jakku upbringing, Rey utilized her well-versed skills as a pickpocket to distract a clothing vendor whilst she shoved one of his scarves into her trouser pocket.

It seemed a small act of stubbornness that Rey should rely on her scavenger skills over her Force abilities to procure her disguise, but she reasoned with herself that it was simply faster this way.

Once she was a safe enough distance from the man she’d stolen from, Rey pulled the lengthy scarf from her pocket and draped it atop her head, then wrapped each end across the lower half of her face and tossed them over her shoulders.  She caught a quick glimpse of herself in a storefront window as she passed and determined that her guise was adequate enough not to draw too much attention.

Now Rey just needed to do something that she’d never in her life felt compelled to do before.  Find a bar.

Jakku had its seedy watering holes just like everywhere else, but Rey had never once dared to go within fifty feet of one before, knowing that to do so would be outright asking for trouble.

Maz’s castle on Takkodana was semi-disreputable, Rey considered, but it hadn’t really seemed so at the time.  Perhaps it was Maz herself that gave it a comforting, home-y type atmosphere-  Or maybe it was simply that Rey had felt safe in the company of Finn and... Han.  And that had made all the difference.

Rey gritted her teeth, stopping herself from traveling further down memory lane and focused instead on the task at hand.  Before shipping out from D’qar, she and Finn had been given a crash course in what to do if they were ever separated or left behind during a mission.

_Handy,_   Rey mused.  And shaking her head she wondered if this was something that happened quite often or if it was just a lucky coincidence.

Either way, she was at least bolstered by the knowledge that there would be a way to contact the Resistance and let them know she was safe and in need of a ride back.

Rey’s strides were long but growing tired as she moved from the garment district of the city and entered what looked to be its social realm, with street after street of lively venues and crowded eateries.

And cantinas.  Dozens of them.

Rey chewed at her lower lip and squinted her eyes nervously, knowing that the myriad options that lay before her could be both a blessing and a curse with regard to accomplishing her end goal.

She took a deep breath meant to bring her confidence, and stomped off towards the nearest dive.  As she approached she adjusted the part of the scarf covering nose and mouth, both to ensure her identity was protected, and in response to the stench of booze and smoke that grew stronger with every step.

So focused on looking confident as she went to pass through the cantina’s entrance that Rey didn’t notice the large Balmorran guarding the door until he stuck a heavily muscular arm out to block her.

“Papers,” he growled.

“Oh,” she stepped away from his limb, surprise briefly flashing in her eyes before she pushed it back down.

Rey steeled herself, clenching her fists as she focused intensely on the man’s face.

“You don’t need to see my papers."

She held her breath, hopeful, and then-

“Like hell I don’t.  Papers.  Now.”

Undeterred, Rey stepped closer to the man and he recoiled slightly, unsettled by her boldness.  Her eyes bore into his.  Her voice was steadier now.  More insisting.

“You don’t need to see my papers.”

Rey felt the Force push through her and watched as his posture relaxed.

“I don’t need to see your papers.”

“You will let me pass.”

The Balmorran dropped his arm.  “You can pass.”

Rey nodded her head in thanks and stepped through the entryway of the cantina.  Perhaps she’d be willing to use the Force for more than just getting omlettes after all.

  


///

  
Hux had continued working for several minutes after Kylo left, until the nagging thoughts inside his head had made it impossible to concentrate.

He tossed his stylus down in frustration, and watched as it skittered across the surface of his desk before toppling over the edge.  With a beleaguered sigh Hux shoved his chair back violently and immediately went over to pick the pen up.

Full of spite, he set it back down on the desk and rolled his eyes at his own inability to even vent his frustrations properly.

Leaning forward Hux pressed his palms down upon the cold metal surface and let his head droop forward.  It hung there defeatedly for a few seconds, and when he eventually raised it back up his gaze fell pointedly on a picture across the room.

A picture of someone who had no trouble indulging his anger with whatever manner of destruction it required.

Hux envied him that.

In fact, he envied him a great many things.

And sometimes he was even able to convince himself that those jealous impulses were _all_   that he felt.  That they were the source of his unease, and his sleepless nights.

They that caused his pulse to race whenever Kylo Ren was near.

Pushing himself upright from the desk, Hux began to back away.  His eyes pooled increasingly with desperation as he kept them locked on the young man in the photo.

Further and further back he moved from the picture... as though it were stalking towards him.  Like the grim reaper come to take his soul.

Hux gasped when his back hit the wall behind him and in a haphazard slide he collapsed down onto the floor.

For once not thinking of the filthiness of the surface below him or of the wrinkles he was certainly putting into his uniform, Hux reached up to drag shaky hands through his copper-colored locks.  No sooner had they reached the back of his skull that his hands became fists, viciously grasping his hair so hard he threatened to pull it out.  He clenched his eyes shut, trying to blind himself from the image and all its haunting associations.

But in the blackness of his eyelids he found _her._

His baby sister.  _Sweet little Oona._

Her pretty face marred with betrayal as she cried out to him.

Calling him a liar.  Calling him a coward.

She wasn’t wrong.

Hux bared his teeth in a silent scream as he pulled a fist from his hair and started beating himself across the chest with it.  The hits connected with sickening thuds and he found a strange relief in the sensation of bruises beginning to form above his heart.

He punched it hard and repeatedly, threatening to stop its beating altogether.

_'It’s just as well,’_   Hux told himself bitterly.

He no longer had need for it anyways.

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2zszd4h)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/post/151972245604/this-will-destroy-you-by-yesmydarling)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up splitting this chapter in half so this is basically a to-be-continued. Just FYI.  
>   
> Also I keep writing reylo scenes set in the future and it's slowly killing me. There's just so much damn plot to get through first. For the record, writing a slow-burn fic is even worse than reading one.  
>   
> Speaking of plot- what do y'all think of the tentative alliance between Kylo and Hux? Will it last? Or will Hux just implode into himself like a dying star?


	7. Resistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey doesn't know how to handle girl-talk. Kylo doesn't know how to handle anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVE ME. I really should have posted a warning after the last chapter that I was going away for over a month but I naively thought I'd be able to scrape together and post at least one chapter while I was gone. Alas, no, and I'm ever so sorry for the wait.
> 
> Things are back to normal now and I'll try to make it up to everyone who has loyally stuck by this story by posting updates as fast as I can. Much love and thanks.

  
  
  


By the time Rey had coerced her way into the fifth cantina in a row she’d nearly lost hope.  Her footsteps were heavy and the searching gaze she sent around the room despondent.  It was a bigger establishment than the previous ones and it took several minutes just for Rey to reach one end of the oval shaped building.  She was greeted with the same mix of predatory stares and outright indifference as the four times previous whilst she snaked her way through the crowd, glancing at each table as she went.

Rey was nearly halfway back to the entrance when she came to a sudden halt.  Realizing immediately how suspicious that might look, she took a few more slow paces forward while keeping her eyes trained on the shadowy booth tucked away to the left side.  At the table sat a woman, long and lean with blonde locks pulled into an unforgiving ponytail and large, penetrating eyes that bore a purplish tint.   Her spindly fingers danced around the edges of her cocktail, a globe-shaped glass half-filled with a caramel colored liquid that rested atop a torn coaster.  The other triangular half of the coaster sat opposite her at the empty side of the booth.  Rey took a deep breath and approached.

“Pardon me, but weren’t we at school together as children?”

The blonde looked up at Rey with an angular tilt of her head.  “Oh yes, Ms. Havisham’s class, wasn’t it?”

“No,” Rey recited her script, “It was Ms. Ivanoff’s.”

The woman nodded and gestured for Rey to join her.  As she slid into the plush booth Rey didn’t fail to miss the unimpressed stare she was being treated with.

“It’s good to see you…”

“Eevan,” she supplied. 

“Right,” Rey nodded.  “Of course.”

Eevan’s sharp eyes casted a sweep across the mingling crowd to her right before she turned back to Rey, the falseness of their ostensive reunion now absent.  “We can talk now.  You need an out, yes?”

Rey nodded again. 

“Were you followed?” 

“No,” Rey answered shaking her head. 

“You’re certain?” 

“Yes.” 

“Have you been compromised in any way?” 

Rey recoiled, slightly insulted.  “Of course not what’re you-” 

“I have to ask,” Eevan insisted, cutting her off.  “You disappeared mid-mission… cut off communication… and now you show up here looking like a spice merchant asking me to contact the Resistance on your behalf.  You’ll excuse me if I’m wary.” 

Rey sighed as she tried to cool her annoyance.  “I haven’t been compromised.”

“What happened to your communicator?” 

Rey blinked.  “It was destroyed.  In a fight.”

“A fight with who?” 

“Troopers,” she fibbed.   “I- I got away though.” 

Rey felt the words coming out of her mouth before she could even stop to consider them.  Had she always intended to lie about Kylo Ren’s instrumental aide in her escape?  Or was it just a kneejerk reaction to having her loyalties questioned? 

Eevan narrowed her gaze but nonetheless reached into her bag and surreptitiously typed a series of codes into a small, metallic transmitter.  She turned back to Rey and informed her that contact had been made. 

“So what do we do now?” Rey asked, fidgeting nervously in her seat. 

“We wait,” Eevan answered matter-of-factly. 

A tense pause lingered between them for a moment before Rey inquired further. 

“For how long?” 

Eevan sighed, clearly not a fan of narrating her work.  “My message goes to a secondary contact here on Balmorra, which then gets rerouted to an offsite PX and from there the Resistance is contacted and alerted to your status and location.  An alternate chain of custody will be utilized for the message back.  It can take awhile so you might as well get comfortable.”  She lazily waved a hand in the direction of the bar.  “Order a drink or something.”

Rey dejectedly slumped back in her booth, doing her best to release the tension she’d been holding in her chest.

“Kinda paranoid, isn’t it?” she curiously suggested.

Eevan squinted her lavender eyes slightly as she took in Rey’s appearance, gaining as much information from it as she could. 

Having come to some conclusion, she tilted her chin upwards so that she was looking down the bridge of her nose at the girl across from her.

“You’re not military- are you?”  Her confident tone of voice taking on an edge of suspicion.

Rey shifted under the woman’s critical glare.  “I’m in disguise,” she answered, toying with the edges of her scarf.

“Yeah, I got that,” Eevan snarked.  “I just mean you’re not Resistance, right?  Like I would guess you were a new recruit or something only they would never send a greenhorn on a mission like this… and they definitely wouldn’t leave them alone.”  Her lips puckered together in a sour expression before she felt the need to pointedly add, “To get lost.”

That last bit seemed particularly unnecessary and any sense of obligation Rey felt to answer this woman’s questions was rapidly being eaten away at.

“I’m Resistance enough,” she answered confidently.

Eevan opened her mouth to reply but snapped it shut again when two looming figures moved past their table.  She carefully watched them from the corner of her eye until they were a good distance away and then turned her attention back to Rey.

“You need to order a drink and start blending in, you look like a damn spy.”

Rey glanced questioningly over to the bar and then back to her curt companion.  “I- I’ve never ordered a drink before… I wouldn’t know what to-” 

“Oh for pete’s sakes-”  Before Rey could say any more, Eevan had hauled herself up in a huff and lumbered off towards the center of the room. 

Rey watched as the woman squeezed and elbowed her way through the crowd, all the while glancing back at Rey with an annoyed glint in her eye.  Rey eventually turned away, having had her fill of unwelcome judgement for one day.

In an effort to ease the tension in her body Rey took a deep breath that filled her lungs to capacity.  She’d intended to release it a second later in a sigh, but at the sudden recognition of a begrudgingly familiar scent the air went heavy in her chest and refused to come back out. 

_Not again…_

Rey squeezed her eyes shut in a desperate attempt to block his consciousness from invading hers and dug her feet into the floor so that she could at least pretend there was a physical presence to combat.  It was futile of course, and when her lips began to quiver with lack of oxygen Rey relented, letting the cantina’s smoky atmosphere invade her throat as Kylo Ren invaded her mind.

She was quick to notice the difference on this occasion.  Instead of the usual barrage of secondhand torment and confusion and anger- this time… this time it felt quite the opposite.

If she didn’t know any better she’d say in that very moment Kylo Ren was feeling an unshakable sense of calm.  Peace. 

Affection, even. 

Rey lifted her head to glance around at the assorted patrons that milled about the seedy establishment, as if to accuse one of them of replacing Kylo Ren’s emotions with theirs.  For surely this was some kind of mistake.

She cautiously tested the air with an embarrassed sniff, only to confirm it was indeed his distinct scent that permeated the aroma of tobacco and incense wafting around her.  Not knowing what else to do, Rey relaxed, letting the unexpected tenderness caress her subconscious.

She tried not to over analyze it.  To wonder too intensely at what could be making him feel this way.

Or _who._

Rey quirked an eyebrow at her own absurdity and lost her grip on the current of gentle sentiments just long enough to be surprised when they quickly mutated into something much darker. 

Fear.  Loss.  Despair.

_This_   was the Kylo Ren she knew. 

It was a strange comfort to Rey to feel him return to form in such a way and the conflict she’d felt only moments earlier quickly evaporated as though it’d never been there at all. 

The customary sheen of sweat returned to the surface of her skin and Rey lifted her hands up from her sides to grasp the edge of the table.  She did her best to grit her teeth and wait it out but the emotions didn’t stop and nor did they show signs of fading.

Lasting far longer than times previous, the turbulent connection continued burrowing itself into her, building from one desperate feeling to the next.  Rey thought she was nearly about to faint when an unsuspecting Eevan returned to the table and gracelessly deposited a ridiculous looking cocktail in front of her.  The sickly sweet smell of the glowing blue liqueur and the various fruit lining the edges of the glass acted like a kind of smelling salt and it broke Rey from her trance. 

She gasped at its release of her and Eevan froze in place having finally noticed Rey’s distressed state.

“Are you okay?” 

Rey craned her neck to meet the lanky woman’s eyes and nodded.  “I’m fine.  It’s nothing.”  Rey noted that the Resistance agent was still standing at attention and waved her off as casually as she could.  “Honestly.  It’s… no big deal.”

Eevan dutifully slid back into the opposite side of the booth but never once removed her cautious stare from Rey’s still pasty visage. 

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” she warned, her doubts about Rey now amplified even further. 

Rey used the edge of her scarf to wipe the vestiges of perspiration from her brow and slowly regained her center, and with it, her reticence. 

“It’s not worth worrying about.  I’ve got it handled.”

“Who’s worried?” Eevan bluffed.  “I’m just risking my neck to save your skin- why should I care if you’re sick or crazy or-” 

“It’s the Force,” Rey cut her off. 

“…What?” 

“I’m not sick.  Or crazy.  It’s… a kind of pull.  In the Force.”  Rey rolled her shoulders in frustration.  “I’d explain it better if I could.”

“The Force?” 

Rey nodded. 

“Like,” Eevan waved her hands in the air and made a childish _‘ooooohhh’_   noise. 

Rey glared back, unamused. 

“Oh, that’s right I forgot-  Jedi’s don’t have a sense of humor.”

“I’m not a Jedi,” Rey corrected darkly.  “And maybe you’re just not funny.” 

Eevan’s mouth twitched as though she were fighting off the barest hint of a smile and her critical gaze once again dragged itself up and down her companion in search of answers. 

“You’re her, aren’t you?” 

Rey carefully lifted her brow, the slow blink of her eyes telling Eevan that she knew what the woman was getting at but wasn’t inclined to fill in the blanks. 

Eevan was undeterred, and continued pressing as a twinkle settled into her eyes.  “The girl from Jakku… The one that was taken by Kylo Ren…” 

Rey leaned back in her seat, her non-response a confirmation in and of itself. 

The corners of Eevan’s mouth turned up in satisfaction and she lifted her glass to begin swirling the brown liquor needlessly. 

“I heard he carried you across a battlefield in his arms.” 

Rey’s cool gaze of indifference was broken by a frown that creased the skin between her eyes.  She blinked several times in rapid succession and Eevan watched in amusement as the wheels in the younger girl’s head began to frantically turn. 

It hadn’t really ever occurred to Rey to think about what happened in between her confrontation with Kylo Ren in the forest and waking up on Starkiller with him knelt at her feet. 

But oh lords was she thinking about it now. 

It’s a strange thing to try and recall something you have no memory of and ultimately it leads to sensationalized fabrication.  Rey imagined him gracefully catching her in his strong arms and whisking her away to his ship.  As though she were a-- fainting maiden… and he some kind of-- prince.

She let out a bemused huff and dropped her head down as her shoulders slumped forward.  She would almost be amused if she weren’t so damned annoyed.

Kylo Ren might indeed be a prince.  A dashing knight, even.  But he was first and foremost her enemy.

 _‘And you’re certainly no maiden,’_   she reminded herself.

When Rey finally answered Eevan’s query it was with a helpless grumble directed at her still untouched beverage.  “I honestly couldn’t say.” 

“Well, I could,” Eevan supplied cheerfully.  “I heard the story from like _four_   different people.” 

Rey grimaced as she watched the blonde’s eyes bug out excitedly whilst she recounted the various incarnations of the salacious rumor she now hoped to confirm.  The descriptions were essentially as Rey had imagined, complete with perfectly timed gusts of wind that tossed the tails of Ren’s overcoat around dramatically and a hailstorm of enemy fire that showered down around him but failed to so much as even break his stride.

The furrow of Rey’s forehead grew deeper still and by the time Eevan came back down from her gossip high the smaller of the two women looked positively ill. 

“So?” Eevan pushed, having revealed her weakness to be a lust for scandalous rumors.  “Is it true?”

Rey shrugged meekly.  “No way for me to say...  You’d have to ask Kylo Ren.”  Hoping desperately for a change in conversation she began toying with a piece of fruit that hung from the edge of her glass.  “Though I should warn you, he’s a lousy conversationalist.”

Rey yanked her hand away from the drink in surprise as Eevan all but climbed halfway over the table.  “You mean to tell me you actually _spoke_   to him?”  The woman’s voice having once been peppered with such tired disdain now held a kind of incensed reverence. 

Rey grimaced and wished she’d stopped speaking while she was still ahead but it was too late and Eevan was nearly chomping at the bit waiting for Rey to divulge every last detail.  Her mind began to frantically run through everything that she could recall Kylo Ren vocalizing to her back on Takodana and Starkiller and nothing was jumping out as being safe to cop to.

He’d heard of her before they met.  He knew she’d seen the map to Luke Skywalker.  He thought her companions to be liars, traitors, and thieves.

He knew how lonely she was. 

He wanted to teach her. 

In a desperate attempt to buy herself some time, Rey took an overconfident gulp of the florescent fruit cocktail that had been languishing in front of her and the subsequent burn of the alcohol sent her into a sudden coughing fit. 

“Woah, easy,” Eevan reached out to pat Rey on the back, her concern for the girl’s ability to breathe momentarily superseding her pervasive nosiness.  “You really went for it there…” 

The cough was easing up as Rey wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks and replied with a raspy and embarrassed voice, “Yeah, that was a mistake.” 

Eevan quirked a sympathetic smile at her and playfully pulled the drink a few inches away from Rey’s reach. 

Rey laughed.  “That’s fair.”

Eevan opened her mouth with purpose, likely about to refocus the conversation, when her transmitter emitted a series of beeps that drew a disappointed sigh from her.  She opened her bag to peer inside and read the message and grumbled.  “That figures.  I’m finally stuck babysitting someone that actually has something interesting to share and it’s the fastest response time in the history of military communication.” 

Rey wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not, but nonetheless was thankful for The Resistance’s excellent timing.  She watched as Eevan flipped over one of the triangular coaster halves and scribbled some instructions on the back.   Tossing her pen aside, Eevan slid the coaster over to Rey while once again scanning the crowd around them. 

“Here, take this.  It’ll tell you where to go and who to talk to.  You should be off planet within a half hour.” 

“Aren’t you coming with me?” Rey questioned. 

“No.  I’m just the middle man.” 

Rey nodded and carefully cupped the directions in her hand.  “Thank you.” 

A casual wave.  “Don’t sweat it, hun.” 

Rey climbed out of the booth and was half-turned away when Eevan stopped her. 

“One last thing-”  She waited for Rey to twist back around before continuing.  “I have to ask…  Did you, you know… see him-” she whispered the last few words, _“-without his mask?”_

A slow, cheeky grin spread across Rey’s face and Eevan tossed herself back in her booth dramatically. 

“Goddamnit,” she cursed the air around her. 

“Until next time,” Rey comforted. 

“Yeah,” Eevan huffed out sardonically.  “You gimme a call next time you get lost on a mission again.” 

Rey smiled as she moved away.  “Will do.” 

  


///

  


Kylo strolled to his quarters, sparing some small effort towards ignoring the tidal wave of emotions that chased after him from Hux’s office - and a lot of effort into not being too self-satisfied with this result. 

The tentative alliance he’d struck with the General was something of a relief and ultimately one less thing to worry about, but it didn’t change Kylo’s opinion of Hux on any sort of fundamental level.  Too much had happened for him to ever really trust his former friend again, and if he gained some slight sadistic pleasure at the other man’s suffering, Kylo reminded himself that he had his reasons. 

He reached his temporary home and opened the door, and though he was cheerfully and immediately greeted, it wasn’t by the inhabitant he was hoping for. 

“Master Ren, hello it’s good to see you back, I take it your trip went well, I’ve heard nothing to the contrary, though, mind you, since my reassignment here I have not had the kind of contact with others that previously allowed me to be informed with regard to such matters, just the same I’m sure that you-” 

Kylo yanked his hand into the air in a desperate motion to silence Haytch before another word could tumble out of the droid’s ever flapping mouth.  To his credit, the newly appointed nanny did heed his master’s warning and hush himself, which Kylo noted was at least a slight improvement from the threepio he’d struggled to tolerate in his youth. 

Kylo removed his mask and outer layers, looking to the closed off bedroom curiously and back to Haytch in question. 

“Asleep, Sir,” the droid supplied. 

Kylo nodded and moved across the main living space, reaching the bedroom and opening its door as quietly as he could manage.  His eyes went to the bed and he was pleased to see that his makeshift pillow barriers had been reassembled and Uncas lay sleeping safely within their protection.

He moved in closer, noting the rosiness of the small child’s cheeks and the way he’d cocooned himself in a fluffy white duvet, leaving only his face exposed.  Kylo gently lowered himself to rest on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the boy but wanting to be closer to him. 

Minutes passed of him simply staring, overwhelmed with emotion as he memorized the soft curves of his son’s face.  The gentle whisper of his slow, rhythmic breathing. 

Unable to control himself any longer, Kylo reached out to brush his knuckles against the swell of Uncas’s rounded face… and froze.  The boy’s skin was hot, near scalding to the touch.  Kylo frowned and quickly reached over with both hands to push the thick blanket away, letting the cool air of the room invade its confines. 

Uncas’s grip on the material was surprisingly fierce and it took Kylo a moment to pry it from him. 

 It was then that he spotted the blood. 

Bright red and shocking against the pale color of the bedding, Kylo ceased to breathe as he frantically searched the child’s tiny body for injury.

_“Haaaaytch,”_ he cried out in an unfamiliar voice that beckoned the droid to stiffly jog into the room.  “He’s bleeding-” 

“Oh dear,” Haytch rushed to Kylo's side and tried to help him inspect the boy. 

It was then that Uncas finally began to wake and upon spotting the fuzzy image of his father, he happily reached out his arms for an embrace. 

Kylo stilled, catching sight of the child’s now unclenched hands and allowing himself only the tiniest measure of relief. 

“Master Uncas, what have you done to yourself?” Haytch fretted upon seeing the same source of bleeding that Kylo had. 

“He dug his fingernails through his palms…” Kylo murmured, barely above a whisper. 

Haytch glanced at the distraught young father and then back to the boy, reaching out to properly survey the damage.  “Well, I never…” 

Kylo’s hands dropped away as Haytch’s took their place but Uncas’s attention stayed focused entirely on the former.  His relief in his dad’s return was giving way to fear that he had done something wrong and guilt that it had clearly upset everyone. 

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” he pleaded.  “I didn’t mean to.” 

Kylo nodded, still slowly retreating from the bed. 

“I had a bad dream-” 

Kylo’s jaw clenched at hearing what he’d already suspected.  Sliding away across the floor now he felt helpless to comfort his son and unable to prevent himself from directly making it worse. 

“There was a man talking to me…  I didn’t like him…” 

Kylo’s stomach turned and he scrambled up from the ground and threw himself into the ensuite bathroom, Uncas’s pitiful cries chasing after him. 

“Daddy, please!  Daddy!” 

He slammed the door shut behind him. 

  


_“Dad!”_

  


Kylo ducked over the pedestal sink, a bile quickly rising in his throat. 

  


_“Dad, please!  Don’t go-”_

  


_Han turned back around, a troubled look marring his face at hearing Ben’s uncharacteristic pleading.  He strode towards the lanky thirteen year-old, arms open in apology._

_“Kid, I gotta-”_

_“Please,” Ben begged, the desperation in his eyes having grown so heavy it pulled them to the ground._

_Han stepped in closer, reaching out to grasp a strong hand around his son’s shoulder.  “What’s going on with you?”_

_“…Nothing,” Ben mumbled to his feet._

_The developing lines upon Han’s tanned face grew deeper as his frown intensified.   “It’s not nothing, kid, it’s something.  Come on, what’s got you so worked up?”_

_Still looking at the ground, Ben let out a gasp as he felt a sudden, penetrating chill.  Like long fingers wrapping themselves around the back of his neck._

_His body shuddered and he swallowed down all further potential cries for help.  Whatever tears might have threatened to spill from his eyes were dried instantly through sheer will and when he raised his head to look up at his father, Ben’s face was once again a vision in neutrality._

_“I didn’t mean to upset you, Dad.  I guess I… just miss Mom, is all.”_

_Han’s face twisted, his concern for Ben quickly taking a back seat to his own personal issues.  “Yeah, me too.”_

  _He removed his grasp from his son and reached up to rub the slight stubble that had been gracing his jawline of late.  “But she’ll be back in a couple weeks and me ‘n Chewie will be done with our run not long after that.”_

_Ben nodded in acquiescence, ready for the exchange to be over._

_“Besides,” Han reasoned, more for his own benefit than Ben’s, “You’ve got Takoda here to keep you company.  And your studies.  Don’t think for a second your mom won’t be checking your grades the second she gets home.”_

_“I know,” Ben replied, leaning back from his father in lieu of being able to push the man away._

_An impatient roar from Chewie and the sound of the Falcon’s engines priming had Han glancing over his shoulder before looking back at Ben, a distant but genuine kindness settling into his eyes.  “That’s my cue-”_

_He reached out to hug the boy goodbye but realizing his son was no longer in comfortable reach to do so, Han settled for ruffling his thick mop of black hair before stepping away.  “You be good all right?  Don’t get in to too much trouble.”_

_Ben gave a meek smile that faded the instant his father turned away and began jogging towards his ship.  The golden summer suns were setting in the West, casting a warm glow across the dusty valley, but Ben ducked his face away from the sight and shivered.  Over the thundering of the Falcon’s engines Ben could still hear the voice.  The voice that was always there.  The voice that wouldn’t leave him._

_Even when he begged it to._

  


Kylo panted as he stared back at his pale, sweaty face in the mirror.   A series of contrasting emotions flickering through the eyes of his reflection so rapidly that he had to look away. 

His chin dropped down to rest upon his chest and his eyeline had the misfortune of catching sight of the blood that had transferred onto his hands.  His son’s blood. 

Kylo flipped the faucet on and anxiously washed the red stains away from his skin.  He let the water get hot, so hot it steamed up the room and seared his shaking hands.  He grimaced, but took the pain as penance. 

After deciding that no measure of scalding would burn away the feelings of unmitigated guilt he was consumed by, Kylo switched the water back off and turned to exit the room. 

He paused, hearing Uncas’s soft cries still passing through the door and leaned forward to press his brow against the cool metal. 

This had been inevitable, he told himself. 

_‘But why now?’_

He’d been five years-old when Snoke first came into his mind.  Uncas was only three.  And had only just now re-entered Kylo’s life. 

_It's too soon._

Kylo grappled with the door, wanting to transform it into something he could fight.   A problem he could fix.  An enemy he could destroy. 

But it was just a door. 

And he… _was just a pawn._

Han had known it. 

And now, in a brutal moment of self-awareness, Kylo knew it too. 

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=63zrcl)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/image/153809689139)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra long chapter as an olive branch?  
> Also father/son feels!  
> Who needs a hug?


	8. Ignite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I tell myself I should write shorter chapters they just get, like, _aggressively_ longer

  
  
  
  


There was a bright, full moon hanging in a cloudless sky and Ben found his now-frequent trek through the canyon of jagged rock particularly easy to navigate on this night. 

The lanky fourteen-year-old braced himself as he slid down an especially steep embankment with ease, one leg bent for balance and the other stretched out, directing his descent. 

He’d snuck out of the ranch house around midnight- more out of habit than necessity- and traversed the wild landscape that stretched for miles beyond the border of the family compound. 

His mother had been on Coruscant for the last two months and his father was somewhere on the outer rim, taking jobs to earn money he had no use for.  Only the family’s manservant, Takoda, was even around to notice when young Ben Solo was not in his bed at night, and though he professedly cared for the boy’s well-being, there was only so much he could do to control him. 

Ben reached the base of the ravine and adjusted the leather straps of his rucksack over his shoulders as he set off on the familiar route. 

Snoke had directed him to the hidden cave ten months ago, and though he’d been wary of the ominous atmosphere of it at first, Ben had come to grow comfortable in the holy place’s dark interior.  The walls were lined with ancient drawings and words he couldn’t understand but all the same he felt a sense of belonging there.  As though it had been lying in wait for eons just for him to come along and uncover it. 

Ben jogged through the heavy shadows of the canyon, eager to arrive at the cave and complete the mission his Master had tasked him with.  Inside of his bag and wrapped in parchment paper, was a rare plant it had taken Ben the better part of the month to locate.   Once he arrived at the hidden location he was to boil the plant in water and drink it like a kind of tea.  His Master had been cagey about the assignment and not revealed what drinking the plant’s essence would do to Ben, only saying that it would help him to see his path. 

Ben had grown beyond questioning his leader’s motivations and was at this point a near perfect subject, acquiescent to his every whim.  And frankly, drinking some mysterious concoction was by no stretch the strangest thing he’d yet been asked to do. 

Just as he’d arrived at the narrow entrance to the cave, Ben heard a faint sound that spun him around fearfully, but he quickly relaxed when he spotted its source. 

About a month after he’d started venturing into the canyon late at night, Ben had spotted a creature carefully stalking him from the ridgeline.  Over time, the curious fur-covered specimen had gotten closer and closer to the boy, eventually trusting him enough to follow him into the dark cavern and act as a kind of protector while Ben meditated or convened with his master. 

Ben whistled and tapped an open palm against his leg, beckoning the creature he’d named Mingan to close the distance between them.  Mingan dipped its head, still nervous to approach, but complied nonetheless and trotted over to the teen.  A gentle smile graced Ben’s face as he reached out to ruffle the tuft of dark fur between Mingan’s pointed ears. 

“Come on, boy,” he encouraged, climbing through the small gap between boulders and looking back to see that his companion did the same. 

Lighting the torch he kept stashed just inside the entrance, Ben made his way down the dark tunnel, softly dragging his fingers along the left wall as its drawings and messages were illuminated one stride forward at a time.  Mingan kept pace behind him, often spinning around dutifully to ensure they weren’t being followed. 

They reached an opening in the cave where the narrow passageway expanded into a larger space.  ‘The temple’ was what his Master called it. 

Ben adjusted to the strength of its dark power as he calmly lit each of the sconces circling the room before settling down in its center.  Brushing hair from his face he smiled thankfully over at Mingan as the creature stayed behind, guarding the entrance. 

Glancing above him, Ben ensured the small hole leading up through the cave’s ceiling to the open air wasn’t obstructed before he began to build a small fire and then hung a metal pot of water over it.  He waited patiently, legs crossed over each other and hands resting upon his knees, until the water came to a boil.  He went over the instructions his Master had given him, reassuring himself that he knew what to do and wouldn’t mess this up.  That he wouldn’t disappoint him.

A low rumbling sound pulled Ben from his thoughts and he reached out to remove the pot from the fire.  Placing the strange, dried-out plant inside a small cloth sack, he carefully strained the scalding liquid through it and into a clay bowl he’d stolen from his mother’s kitchen. 

He closed his eyes and let the steam waft over his face as he waited for the tea to cool down enough to drink.  Even before he’d taken a single sip, Ben felt the powerful energy of the concoction ebb into his consciousness. 

He softly blew across the surface of the liquid a few times and eventually reached in and tested the heat of it with his fingertip.  Deeming it safe to consume, temperature wise at least, Ben took a deep breath and a quick reassuring glance at his faithful companion, before lifting the bowl to his lips and swallowing it down. 

He moved to set the bowl on the ground in front of him, only to realize it was no longer in his hands.  Startled, he looked around and found himself in an unfamiliar room. 

Ben scrambled to his feet, spinning in circles as he took in the dark, cavernous chamber with walls stretching up impossibly high and shadowy corners in every direction. 

It was unlike any structure he’d ever seen before.  Not at all like the grand, modern skyscrapers of Coruscant.  The room appeared to be in a castle of some sort, with small, arched windows up above that let the moonlight in, and the walls and floor were made of dark grey stones, assembled so long ago that they were likely laid by hand. 

It didn’t take Ben long to realize he was not alone. 

He couldn’t see anyone else in the room, but he could feel them.   He could feel their eyes on him. 

“Who’s there?” he shouted into the darkness. 

There was no reply but the presence seemed to move closer. 

“I said who’s there?” he demanded, but still nothing. 

He looked around, hoping to find a weapon of some kind to defend himself.  He was straining his eyes in the darkness fruitlessly-- when suddenly he spotted a box.  It hadn’t been there a moment ago but now sat just twenty feet away. 

He sprinted for it, convinced it held something essential to saving his life though he didn’t know why. 

He reached the box and slid onto his knees, grasping desperately at its metal clasp as he felt the presence charging towards him. 

It was useless, the box was locked and would not open.  He dug his fingers into its wood panels, trying to tear it apart with his bare hands.  He felt the wood splinter and then gasped as he was knocked into from behind. 

He dove over the box, smacking his head against the stone floor as he rolled forward.  He looked up, desperately searching for his attacker but still he saw nothing. 

Again it hit him from behind. 

He scrambled away as it nipped at his heals and he flung his legs about wildly, hoping to hit something. 

He finally made contact and glancing back he saw a dark glimmer of what was after him.  It didn’t look like much more than a shadow but it’s ferocity made it something terrifying. 

Ben kicked again, feeling his boot slam against the dark creature and bolstered, he used his hands to push himself from the floor before taking off in a mad dash.  He ran as fast as he could to what he thought to be the edge of the room and hoped it held the means to exit. 

He was nearly there when he heard a scream and stopped. 

He whipped his head around, spotting her immediately. 

The moonlight from above streamed down, giving her light-colored clothing a soft glow and highlighting the terror upon her pretty face. 

“Get out of here!” Ben screamed at her, though there was little difference his command could make.  The door to escape was just behind Ben but the girl was a good 70 feet away. 

And the creature was between them. 

Ben watched as the shadow’s focus slowly shifted from pursuing him to going back for the young woman.  He stepped forward whispering a desperate plea to himself. 

“No…” 

The young woman began backing away as both the shadow and Ben moved closer.  She looked around frantically, just as Ben had done, and spotted the very same box that he had.  Ben knew she was going to try, and fail, to retrieve something from inside it, and though he knew nothing of the girl or why she should mean anything to him, he instinctually took off in a sprint to try and get to her before the creature did. 

The girl had run to the box as Ben had expected and as she struggled with its lock the shadow was rapidly closing in on her.  Just as it looked like she would be attacked from behind as Ben had been, the girl stood and spun around, the box laid open at her feet. 

Ben slid to a stop and stared in awe as the girl raised her arms into attack position, igniting the silver-hilted lightsaber she held in her hands, sending its blue beam of plasma slicing into the air. 

The creature made a frantic leap at her and she swung her arms, grazing but not impaling it with the saber.  It attacked again and she fought back in earnest, defending herself as best she could from a near invisible assailant. 

Ben recovered from his shock enough to start moving again, noting that the girl lacked formal training and was struggling to use the weapon properly.  He was a mere few meters away when the girl was hit across the jaw and fell, losing grip on the lightsaber.  It skittered across the floor, stopping right in Ben’s path, and he scooped it up without missing a beat and charged at the shadow. 

The countless hours of tutelage from his master and the few he’d managed to squeeze from his uncle coursed through the young fighter, empowering him with a strength and knowhow he’d never truly been able to put to use before. 

He’d never fought with a real lightsaber until this moment either, but it felt so right… so instinctual. 

With a final mighty blow that swept horizontally, slicing open what Ben believed to be the creature’s neck, the shadow dissipated into nothingness. 

Soon after, the steady thrum of the Force pulsing in his ears faded away until all that was left was the sound of Ben’s labored breathing.  He quickly worked to slow his heartbeat and flexed his hand curiously around the saber hilt before looking down and switching it off. 

“Where am I?” 

The young woman’s voice was frightened, but strong. 

Ben turned to look at her as she stood, meeting his eyes.  She was a couple years older than him he guessed, but a few inches shorter, and she jutted her chin forward defiantly as she looked up at him. 

He stared back at her silently, not knowing what to say. 

Her gaze drifted down to his hands and her expression darkened. 

“What have you done?” 

Some small part of Ben had been expecting a thank you from the stranger for saving her life, but instead she was looking at him in disgust.  He followed her eyeline down to his hands and lifting them up in front of himself he found that the saber hilt was gone and in its place a copious amount of dark red blood. 

His eyes shot back up only to realize the girl was gone and he’d returned to the cave, kneeling in a different spot then when he’d left it. 

Several of the torches had been blown out and the smoke from the extinguished campfire curled menacingly through the air. 

Ben looked down again at the gore upon his hands, then past them to Mingan, who lay lifeless on the ground. 

He cried out, diving forward to grasp the animal’s fur coat in his fists, finding it split open and matted with blood in several places. 

“No no no no no no…” Ben pleaded as he pulled Mingan’s head into his lap, searching hopelessly for signs of life in his eyes. 

The blood from the deep slice at Mingan’s neck began soaking through his clothes as Ben doubled over, pulling his companion as close to him as possible as he sobbed helplessly. 

_What have I done…_

  


///

  


“Are you all right?” 

Hux’s voice pulled Kylo from his reverie and his eyes refocused on the still smoldering destruction he’d just inflicted on the horde of battle droids that now lay in pieces at his feet. 

“Ren?” 

Kylo lifted his gaze, wishing he was in a light enough mood to appreciate the way the esteemed General was cowardly hovering just inside the doorway. 

“What is it?” 

Hux relaxed slightly but only took a single step forward.  “Those droids aren’t cheap, you know,” He grumbled, surveying the training room full of mechanical corpses.  “Couldn’t you at least hit things with a blunt instrument?” 

Kylo twirled his saber behind and then in front of himself, letting its grumbling hiss serve as his answer. 

Hux pursed his lips, feeling powerless as usual in the Knight’s self-assured presence. 

His eyes shifted on their own accord, from Kylo’s inscrutable face, down to the faded black tank that he wore, and then over to his exposed, muscular arms.  The General’s nervousness at interrupting a particularly volatile training session quickly morphed into something much worse and Hux felt his throat go dry as he noted the beads of sweat glistening as they rolled down the defined curves of alabaster skin. 

The man in question disengaged his weapon and the ensuing silence halted Hux’s wandering thoughts.  He looked up worriedly, searching Kylo’s face for a sign that he had sensed something, but found only an almost imperceptibly raised set of eyebrows. 

“What do you want?” he questioned, causing Hux to shift uncomfortably as his mind raced for the appropriate answer.  “Or did you just come in here to whine about the First Order’s bottom line?” 

The General sighed in relief, remembering that he did in fact have a legitimate reason for being there. 

He cleared his throat.  “We need you to accompany another treaty envoy.  This one’s going to Tiisheraan. We’ve had reports of Resistance movement in the area.” 

Kylo felt a profound sense of conflict as he considered Hux’s assignment.  The prospect of leaving Uncas again so soon made him incredibly uneasy, especially after recent events… and yet as he imagined going toe to toe with a particular Resistance agent once again, Kylo felt an unmistakable current of excitement course through him. 

Hux sensed the Knight’s reluctance to answer him right away and guessing its source he sought to reassure him.  “Uncas will be safe.  I know you’re concerned, but even though the Supreme Leader has made his first… overture, there’s really only so much he can do from a distance.” 

“You’d be surprised,” Kylo answered darkly, looking away. 

Hux rolled his lips between his teeth, reluctantly accepting that there was very little he understood about Snoke and his power over Force users like Kylo- and now his young nephew, it would seem.  The boy’s father had informed Hux of the previous night’s incident so that he would know how to handle it if it happened again while Kylo was gone, though he assured him there was a chance it wouldn’t again for some time and meanwhile the child’s droid had now been programmed to never leave him alone even while he slept. 

“We’ll… we’ll figure something out,” he offered, feeling the uselessness of his words even as they were still leaving his mouth. 

Kylo looked over at him again with a graveness in his eyes.  “Snoke’s interference isn’t our only problem.” 

Hux nodded.  “I sent a team to investigate the ruins of your estate and question citizens of the neighboring village.  See if they could find any witnesses.  They should be returning imminently.” 

“Thank you,” Kylo spoke softly as he moved closer and then passed Hux as he went to the bench along the wall where he’d placed his discarded layers of clothing. 

Hux trailed him with his eyes and cleared his throat before nervously asking, “You don’t think that the Supreme-” 

“No,” Kylo cut him off, not returning the General’s gaze as he pulled his thick tabard over his head.  “I saw the Force vision of the attack through his perspective.  He was just as surprised as I was.” 

Hux only vaguely understood what this meant, but accepted the Knight’s confidence that Snoke was not behind the siege and the suspect they were searching for was still entirely unknown.  He watched silently as Kylo completed his transformation to the feared Commander of the First Order, attaching his saber hilt to the side of his belt and brushing his long hair from his face before pulling on his mask. 

Kylo turned to Hux and spoke through his modulator, “How long until the envoy is set to depart?” 

“You have an hour.” 

Kylo nodded and went to move past the General to the door, reaching out in an uncharacteristic gesture to pat him on the shoulder as he walked by. 

Hux waited until the training room door slid shut behind Kylo before releasing the breath that’d been caught in his throat.  Even through the heavy layers of his uniform, Hux’s skin burned from the brief contact and he dropped his head back, looking up to the ceiling in need of salvation. 

Noting the irony, he found himself actually longing for the days when they’d simply been cold and/or openly hostile to each other. 

At least then he’d been able to lie to himself. 

  


///

  


Rey walked down the stone carved corridor, running through the script of her cover story in her head.  For their part the Resistance agents that picked her up on Balmorra hadn’t asked her any questions beyond whether she needed medical assistance, but she’d been directed to report immediately to debriefing once they’d landed. 

As she rounded the corner in the East wing of the base her long strides became slow, shallow steps as she spotted the glass-walled office up ahead.  Inside, and performing a kind of silent theatre, were General Organa and Admiral Statura, the latter of whom was waving his arms animatedly as they argued. 

The Admiral seemed to be doing most of the talking, as Leia listened with strained patience, answering him whenever he paused.  Rey looked around nervously and upon seeing the majority of the workforce ignoring the exchange, wondered at whether this sort of thing was commonplace and of little concern. 

She moved slightly closer, watching the way General Organa clenched her jaw as she fought to keep the disdain from her face as the younger man berated her tirelessly.  Rey frowned, developing a sinking feeling of guilt as it occurred to her that she might be at least partially to blame for this. 

Almost as though sensing she was being watched, Leia turned and caught Rey’s concerned observation, causing the girl’s posture to stiffen.  Statura followed the General’s gaze and reluctantly gestured for Rey to join them.  He turned back to Leia as Rey approached and sternly added a final remark, silencing himself as the girl entered. 

“Rey, we’re so glad you’re all right,” Leia spoke to her warmly. 

Rey nodded, feeling increasingly foolish for having caused such a fuss. 

“The General’s right,” Statura added, shooting a loaded look in Leia’s direction.  “We’ve only just acquired you as an asset for the Resistance, it’d be a shame to lose you so soon.” 

Leia made a face.  “Very touching, Devlin,” she snarked at him before looking back at Rey with compassion.  “You mean a lot to us, dear.  Not just as a fighter for the cause.” 

“Yes, that goes without saying,” Statura spoke through clenched teeth. “We won’t take up any more of your time, General.” 

Rey did her best not to look unsettled as the Admiral held an arm out in the direction of the doorway, effectively kicking Leia out of the room.  Leia pursed her lips but gave no other indication of her annoyance.  As she passed by Rey she reached out and grasped the girl by the forearms, looking penetratingly into her eyes. 

“When you get a moment I’d love for you to come find me.  So we could have a quick chat.” 

“Mmhmm,” Rey mumbled through a closed-lipped smile, suddenly glad that the overly observant older woman wasn’t the one conducting her questioning. 

Leia nodded and gave her arms a squeeze before leaving the conference room, shutting the glass door behind her with a clang. 

The Admiral made a gesture for Rey to sit which she complied with, before returning his attention to watching General Organa as she stomped away.  He let out a complicated sigh before turning back to Rey and working to soften the expression on his concerned face. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re safe,” he spoke earnestly. 

“Oh, it’s-” Rey waved a hand in the air awkwardly, “I know that.  I just feel… I mean, I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble-” 

“That,” the Admiral nodded his head in the direction of Leia’s departure, “Wasn’t about you.”  Rey nodded but Statura could see she was unconvinced and continued.  “General Organa and I… have different ideas about how to handle the First Order’s new methods.  She thinks this war can be won using primarily defensive tactics and playing the long game.”  He circled around his desk and sat down, softly shaking his head.  “I just don’t think that’s the case.  And I’m worried… I’m worried that she’s not hearing, or not _willing_   to hear, ideas other than her own because of her… _personal investment_   in this conflict.” 

Rey could hear the heaviness in the Admiral’s voice and nodded gently in understanding, dropping her eyes down before bringing them back up to meet his.  “Is there anything I can do to help?” she offered. 

Statura took a deep breath and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his desk and making a teepee with his fingers.  He looked curiously at Rey and tipped his hands back to rest against his lips for a quick second before answering her. 

“You could start by telling me everything you know about Kylo Ren.” 

  


///

  


Rey stalked purposefully down the series of hallways leading from the Eastern edge of the base to her dormitory at the South end, hoping to make it there without being cornered by anyone else that had difficult questions for her to answer. 

She spotted her door up ahead and jogged the last couple steps towards it in relief.  She’d just made it inside and was preparing to make a quick change when a soft knock and the creaking open of her still ajar door spun her back around in frustration. 

Finn poked his head inside, the look of relief on his face diminishing slightly when he caught the irritable expression on Rey’s. 

“Rey-  Hey…  Sorry, I just-” 

Rey immediately felt guilty for being annoyed by Finn through no fault of his own.  It had been a tense interview with the Admiral, mostly because of how evasive she had needed to be, and it took something of an emotional toll on her.  Looking at Finn now, so earnest and well-intentioned, hanging inside her doorway like a rejected child…  Rey found her anger at Kylo Ren building once more just for putting her in this position in the first place. 

She never asked him to save her.  She never asked him for anything. 

“Hey,” she sighed, relaxing her posture so that Finn felt comfortable stepping inside the room.  Before he could say what she knew he was thinking, Rey held her hands up and tried to make light of the situation.  “I’m totally fine.  Really.  You should see the other guy.” 

Finn ignored her jokes and moved forward briskly, pulling her into a powerful hug.  Rey immediately felt her body tense up at Finn’s touch and wondered if he had noticed rather than asking herself why that was her response. 

If he did notice, Finn didn’t take it as a sign to let go, and Rey had to pat him on the shoulder and give him a nervous _‘Okay, Buddy…’_   before he released her. 

“Rey I’m so sorry we left you-  I tried to stop them- I wanted to wait but-” 

“Finn- Finn, it’s all right,” she soothed.  “I know the rules of engagement.   And you should too.” 

Finn frowned at how nonplused Rey seemed with her experience and watched as she moved away from him to pull some clothes from the locker against the wall.  She laid them on the bed and sat down to pull off her boots. 

“Are you heading out too?” she asked casually, dropping each of her boots the ground with a thump before changing into fresh socks. 

“What?” 

Rey stood, pulling off her jacket and tossing it aside.  “On the mission.  Admiral Statura said-” 

“He’s sending you?” Finn asked in disbelief. 

Rey squinted back at him.  “Hey just cause I made one mistake and missed the rendezvous-” 

“That’s not what I meant,” Finn stopped her.  “I just, figured they’d give you a break is all…” 

Rey stuck her chin out.   “Well I didn’t want one.” 

“Okay…” Finn conceded gently. 

“Okay.” 

An awkward pause lingered between them before Rey finally indicated the clothing on her bed and thus her need for some privacy.  Finn nodded and turned to leave. 

“I’ll meet you on the tarmac, then.” 

“Yeah, I’ll just be a minute.” 

Finn glanced back quickly to nod and made a meek attempt at a smile before exiting the room and closing the door behind him. 

Rey sighed, again feeling guilty and again wanting to blame Kylo Ren for it. 

She turned to her bed and angrily yanked off her shirt and trousers, replacing them with decidedly less military-esque attire, swearing to herself all the while that the decision to change had nothing to do with him making fun of her. 

She pulled her boots back on as she hopped clumsily over to the trunk at the foot of her bed and just as she’d pushed her second heel down through the instep she bent over and punched the passcode in to disengage the lock. 

She lifted the heavy lid of the trunk and hesitated before reaching inside. 

_‘And don’t ever let me catch you without a lightsaber again…’_

Rey scoffed to the empty room and shook her head as she retrieved the weapon from its hiding place. 

_If he wants a fight, then he’s gonna get one._

Rey slammed the trunk shut and hooked the saber to her belt before storming back out of her room. 

  


///

  


So much for negotiations. 

The planet of Tiisheraan was destabilized in the wake of the New Republic’s destruction and seemed, in theory, like it would be an easy target.  Easier than Balmorra, even.   But as Kylo deftly swung his saber through the air, blocking repeated blaster fire, he conceded that this had been an underestimation of both the Tiisheraan’s nationalistic pride and of the Resistance’s ability to sway others to their cause without the use of bribery or intimidation. 

He caught sight of troopers to either side of him being taken out, their gleaming white uniforms disappearing into the tall dry grass of the battlefield, and grimaced as he realized they were being pushed further and further back from the city centre. 

“Hold the line!” Kylo commanded at his troops, Force-pushing a row of Tiisheraan militia backwards about twenty feet- more as a show of strength than a strategic maneuver. 

He knew the Resistance had come in greater numbers than they had to Balmorra but so far he’d hardly seen their fighters in the mix.   _Likely hanging back to finish us off…_ he conceded bitterly, looking around as his troops continued to falter. 

Kylo reached out and yanked the nearest stormtrooper to his side, shouting at them over the din of combat.  “Find Winnetka and tell him to get the delegation out of here!” 

“Sir, Yes Sir!” the trooper saluted sloppily before rushing away as Kylo focused his Force energy on covering the soldier enough to get him to the nearby ships. 

The hazy outline of the stormtrooper was just disappearing from view when Kylo felt the sizzle of a blaster bolt wing past him, nearly grazing the side of his helmet.   He whipped around, growling as he spotted the source of the very nearly lucky shot. 

Poe Dameron, that cocksure pilot, was leading a small battalion of Resistance fighters into the fray and Kylo quickly moved his eyes from the look a disappointment on his would-be assassin’s face to search the others in the crowd. 

He hadn’t spotted her yet, but he could feel her. 

Kylo continued shouting orders at his dwindling fleet whilst reluctantly staging an exit strategy in his head.  It wasn’t in his nature to accept defeat, but with each protective swing of his saber the normally fearless Knight found himself fighting not to win the battle, but rather selfishly, just to stay alive. 

An especially burly Tiisheraan fighter charged at Kylo, swinging a vibrosword at a downward angle that Kylo just barely dodged before quickly launching into a counterattack. 

Powered by a rage that came from realizing any attempt on his life was essentially an attempt to orphan his son, the young warrior swiftly dispatched the man opposite him before angrily moving on to the next. 

Knowing that defeat was imminent regardless of his single-handed efforts, Kylo ordered a full-scale retreat and began leading the troops furthest from the transport ships back towards safety, battling all the way. 

They made it a few hundred yards by the time they saw the first two vessels lift off and begin firing down upon the enemy.  The Resistance fighters scrambled in response, several of them hurrying to get to their own ships, as the fight on the ground threatened to shift into an aerial one and First Order fought to do as much damage as they could while they fled. 

Kylo spotted the high black tips of his personal shuttle through the haze and kept himself on high alert, knowing that every step closer to it was a step closer to his son. 

In fact, he was so focused on the attacks coming from behind and to the right of him, that Kylo almost didn’t spot her. 

He blinked a few times beneath his mask before he could even be certain of what he was looking at. 

But sure enough, the girl was straight ahead about fifty feet, directly between Kylo and his ship and staring back at him as though he were the only other person on the planet. 

She was the calm center of a hurricane, fights raging around her in every direction while she stood perfectly still.  Waiting for him. 

Kylo felt his steps slowing, letting his troopers continue surging forward while he held back.  The fleeing soldiers barely took notice of the scrawny girl in dingy desert clothes, passing her by the dozens, likely not considering her much of a threat.  Kylo felt his lips twitch ever so slightly in amusement knowing just how untrue that was. 

There were fewer combatants between them now and it became clear to Rey that Kylo was avoiding advancing on her.  Her patience was wearing thin, so in her best imitation of the arrogant Knight, Rey artfully twirled her bright blue lightsaber at her side- letting him know that engaging her in battle wouldn’t be optional. 

Kylo quickly surveyed the status of his battalion’s departure before deciding that the best way to handle the girl would be to get her as far from the other Resistance fighters as possible.  He began stepping sideways to the left, making clear his intention to move their confrontation separate from the primary battle and away from distractions.  Rey responded, moving diagonally to her right, each careful stride bringing her closer to Kylo Ren. 

There was a small hill that ran along the edge of the engagement area and Kylo strategically put his back to it so that with every step Rey took towards him they were that much closer to scaling over it.  Rey soon realized his maneuvering, and assuming it was to try and give himself the higher ground she jogged ahead, placing herself opposite him as they climbed the hill in unison.  They each held their sabers in attack position as they calmly stepped sideways over the crest, but it wasn’t until they were mid-descent that Rey decided to make her move. 

She used her downward momentum to propel herself towards her opponent ferociously, and it would’ve been enough to knock a normal-sized man from his feet but Kylo merely stumbled back a couple steps before regaining his footing. 

Rey swung at him again.  And again.  Each time coming close to making contact with his body but never quite managing. 

Suddenly Rey bristled upon realizing that Kylo’s movements were entirely defensive and he’d yet to make a single direct attack move.   She drove her saber angrily at him, gritting her teeth as she watched him slap her extensions aside while he continued stepping backwards across the field. 

“Why are you holding back?” she growled, mistaking his caution for condescension. 

Kylo didn’t answer, nor did he make adjustment to his parrying. 

“Fight me,” Rey commanded, swinging her blade wildly at him.  “Fight me, you coward!” 

If the masked Knight took some offense at her accusation, it manifested itself in a particularly powerful counter-parry that Rey felt the power of vibrate up her arm.  Encouraged, she continued to needle him. 

“That’s it.  You’re-- afraid.”  Her words came between lunges, one form of attack interrupting the other.  “You’re just-- a _scared-- little-- **boy.”**_

Kylo released a guttural sound and finally pushed back against Rey’s advancement.  She saw the opportunity and dove forward in a somersault, hoping to come up behind him and push him off balance. 

He was too quick, however, and though he had new regard for his mortality, losing a limb still wasn’t enough to phase Kylo and he boldly swung a leg out to kick Rey’s saber from her hand. 

She scrambled for it, clawing through the scorched brush even as it blistered her fingers. 

Kylo moved toward the weapon as well, and though she couldn’t be certain, Rey thought she heard him swear under his breath as he planted a boot against her ribcage and pushed her from the growing flames. 

She rolled sideways, coming to a stop just in time to see Kylo step through the fire and kick his ancestral lightsaber to safety. 

She watched his fluid movements, the way his black robes swept around his long legs, and her lips parted involuntarily at the striking image.  A dark specter, surrounded by fire but somehow immune to it. 

So entranced was Rey that she didn’t note how fast the blaze was spreading until she felt its warmth upon her face.  She climbed to her feet and hurriedly moved away, watching as the fire effectively divided the field between herself and Kylo Ren. 

Through the blurry, yellow tips of the flames she could just barely make out the warm glow reflected upon his mask as he stood motionless, watching her.  She continued fearfully stumbling backwards and wondered at why he didn’t do the same. 

“Get out of here!” she shouted, not knowing if he could even hear her over the whipping crackle of the dry brush as it went alight. 

A strong wind blew through the valley, tossing Rey’s hair across her eyes and encouraging a powerful surge in the fire’s domain.  She frantically pushed her tangled locks from her face and swore to herself that she wasn’t concerned for Kylo Ren’s safety.

“Rey!” 

She spun around to find Finn, calling to her from atop the small hill and looking positively frazzled. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here!” 

It was the logical thing to do, and yet Rey found herself turning back towards danger, looking to be reassured. 

_“Reyyy!”_

Finn’s voiced pleaded to her with unbridled panic, but it was only the arrival of a sleek, bat-like ship that gave her permission to retreat. 

She sprinted across the last unburnt edges of the field and scaled the hill, looking back as she reached the top to see the dark shuttle land just long enough for its commander to board. 

Finn grabbed Rey by the elbow, pulling her away as she sighed, albeit reluctantly, in relief. 

Together they jogged down the backside of the hill and set out towards the waiting Resistance transports, and amongst them a victorious Poe Dameron obviously pleased with their triumph but nonetheless waving for them to hurry up. 

Rey smiled, proud that this mission went better than the last, but her jubilation was cut short we she saw a sudden look of panic wash over Poe and the other remaining Resistance fighters.  She looked up just in time to see the Upscilon class shuttle pass overhead and swoop down in front of them. 

Finn and Rey halted in their tracks and gawked at the frightening figure standing upon the ship’s lowered ramp as it hung before them, blowing dust and dry grass into the smoky air. 

Kylo stared down at them through his faceless mask, seemingly unmoving though Rey could just barely see the rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed angrily. 

Wholly distracted from the man standing beside her, Rey didn’t catch Finn’s intentions until he’d already razed his blaster and squeezed his trigger finger. 

“Don’t!” she cried out as the bolt of blue electricity shot from his weapon and into the air. 

Only a split second after it had been fired the bolt froze in midair and Rey gawked at the absolute marvel of it before trailing her eyes ahead to where Kylo Ren still stood, holding an arm out in front of himself.  She felt the power of the Force as he used it to hold both the bolt and Finn in place, and not for the first time she found herself in awe of his abilities. 

Noting that unlike Finn she was still able to move, Rey began walking forward, moving towards Kylo Ren like a woman possessed. 

She was as oblivious to the desperate pleading in Finn’s eyes as she was to the shots being fired upon the black shuttle, sparking as they bounced off its shields harmlessly. 

Rey was still a good twenty feet or so from the craft when she came to a stop, the intensity of Finn’s blaster bolt vibrating above her left shoulder.  The man before her looked to take a deep breath before reaching to his belt with his free hand and producing his grandfather’s saber. 

He hesitated only slightly before tossing the weapon down, letting it hit the soft ground and roll to Rey’s feet. 

She looked down at it, stunned. 

By the time she’d recovered from the surprise enough to lift her head again, Kylo Ren was already turned away, walking back up the ramp as it closed. 

The ship shuttered slightly and then quickly departed, leaving Finn to drop to his knees and the aborted blaster shot to arch through the sky before landing dangerously close to the spot where Poe and the other fighters had fortified themselves. 

Rey startled at the explosion and it shook her from her momentary stupor.  Blinking rapidly she scooped up the lightsaber hilt and ran back to Finn so she could help him to his feet. 

Too focused on the task at hand, Rey failed to notice the fearful look her friend was directing at her as she gripped him around his torso and aided him forward. 

“What the hell was that?” Poe shouted over the roar of engines as the two approached.  Finn shook his head worriedly and Rey pretended not to hear him.  The small collection of ships began taking off and Lt. Stanhope was calling for them to follow him. 

Poe reached out to grab Finn by the other side, knowing firsthand how a Force freeze could leave your legs weakened, and the three of them stumbled onto Stanhope’s transport along with the last remaining fighters. 

Rey released her grip on Finn and watched on as Poe helped him into a jump seat, pulling the safety straps into his reach and popping him reassuringly in the shoulder with a fist. 

He straightened and turned back around, seeming surprised to find Rey still standing so close. 

“You uh- should get into a seat,” he stammered, avoiding eye contact with Rey for probably the first time since she’d met him. 

Rey nodded numbly as Poe pushed past her to the cockpit, and she turned her head as if to watch him go but stopped before she’d even made it halfway around. 

Her gaze slowly fell to the metal hilt she still held in her grip and holding her breath she squeezed it so tightly that her knuckles went white. 

“Rey?” 

Her breathing became labored and her eyes began watering, leaving trails down her cheeks where they washed the ash away. 

“Rey.” 

The ship shook as it entered hyperspace and Rey looked up at Finn as he furrowed his brow darkly at her. 

“You need to tell me what happened down there.” 

Finn’s insistence quickly lost its confidence when Rey squared her shoulders and looked back at him with a cold detachment he’d not previously seen her capable of. 

“You were there,” she bit with calm annoyance before turning on her heels and walking to the back of the ship. 

Finn’s lips fell open in shock and he helplessly shifted his eyes forward to catch the concerned look Poe was directing over his shoulder. 

Silently they confirmed each other’s unhappy suspicions and agreed that Rey would need to be watched more carefully from here on out. 

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=t56gk6)

[ full res poster via tumblr](http://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/image/154804991839)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, this thing is getting harder and harder to write in sequence- but damned if I haven't written a lot for future chapters already...  
> Went ahead and changed the rating cause hey-oh we're actually almost kinda sorta getting somewhere adultish. Slow burn for life, tho.  
> And thanks as always for reading. Drop me a kudo if you're digging it. A comment if you're _really_ digging it. Or just sent me encouraging vibes if you're a noncommittal kind of person. ;)
> 
> Happy Holidays! See you next year! <3


	9. Crashing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so freaking long... Life, amirite?

  
  
  
  


Standing motionless in the shower, Rey stared down at her feet, watching as the dirt and ash that slid from her skin slowly circled the drain before disappearing.  She closed her eyes, wobbling slightly as her tired body threatened to shut down even as her mind was still frantically racing. 

_“And you’re certain you have no idea why Kylo Ren went out of his way to return the weapon to you?”_

_Rey shook her head.  “Honestly, I really couldn’t say…”_

_She kept her gaze focused entirely on Admiral Statura as he questioned her, lest she risk catching sight of one of the several pairs of eyes in the room that Rey was confident weren’t buying into her ignorance._

_Leia, presumably._

_Poe, quite possibly._

_Finn, most assuredly._

Rey leaned her head against the glass wall, drooping forward so that the hot spray hit the back of her neck and rolled down between her shoulder blades.  She had felt several concerned stares following her exit from the debriefing room, and was thankful only in that they hadn’t pursued her further. 

She coughed, still feeling the singe of smoke in her lungs, and sighed, still feeling the presence of Kylo Ren in her mind. 

Then blushed, realizing she was thinking about him in the shower. 

The thought was enough to make Rey want to cover up, and switching off the water she quickly reached out to yank a towel into the shower and used it to dry off before wrapping it tightly around her torso.  Crossing through the refresher, she grabbed another towel to wrap around her hair then suddenly paused upon spotting her blurry outline in the fogged up mirror. 

She gently raised a hand, and with a single gesture she wiped away a streak of moisture, revealing the features of her face and nothing more. 

Rey stared back at the reflection, as though distrustful of its intentions, as though it were someone unfamiliar to her.  She stood there, watching as the steam gradually clouded up the mirror again and her image slowly disappeared. 

The door to the adjoining section of the communal refresher creaked open and Rey quickly gathered her things, scurrying out of the shower area and down the hall. 

So unwilling to speak to anyone at all, that dashing to her room half-naked was preferable. 

She opened her door and darted inside, realizing only too late that she wasn’t alone. 

“Fuck!” 

“Whoa!” 

Finn quickly raised a hand to block his view of Rey in her exposed state and doubled his efforts by also looking down at his lap and absolutely nowhere else. 

“What the hell, Finn?” Rey bristled at the sight of him sitting on the edge of her bed, feeling more annoyed than embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry-- I didn’t know you’d be- I’m sorry.”  Rey almost felt pity for him in his flustered, uncomfortable state. 

_Almost._

“You’re breaking into my room now?” 

Finn lifted his head defensively only to realize his mistake and dropped it back down.  “It was open,” he argued innocently. 

Rey stomped- as much as a barefoot person could- over to a small set of drawers, pulled out a thick jumper and yanked it over her head.   “Open- or unlocked?” 

“Unlocked,” Finn answered sheepishly. 

She glared at his profile as she yanked a pair of leggings on beneath the towel and then tossed it to the floor beside the one that’d been knocked from her head. 

“Finn.” 

He didn’t respond. 

**“Finn,”** she repeated, more commanding. 

He slowly lifted his gaze to meet Rey’s, his reprieve in finding her covered up short-lived as he noted the hostile look upon her face and the way she defiantly seemed to be letting her wet hair drip all over the place. 

“I just wanted to talk,” he offered gently. 

Her shoulders dropped and almost imperceptivity she shook her head.  “But I don’t.” 

Finn winced, feeling the sting of her words and he slowly stood, turning to face her head on.  He looked at her critically, then glanced away to consider his thoughts. 

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” 

She shrugged.  “Probably.” 

“Rey…” he warned. 

“Look, Finn, I know we’ve been through a lot together…  And I care for you, I really do…  But I don’t remember ever agreeing to you knowing every last detail about me.”  She shook her head more noticeably this time.  “I didn’t sign up for that.” 

Finn didn’t bother trying to hide the hurt on his face as he looked Rey up and down once more before moving towards the exit.  Rey took his disapproving appraisal in stride, nonetheless feeling relief that he was leaving. 

She didn’t even turn her head to follow him until he stopped in the open doorway and pointedly waited for her attention.  Once he had it Finn spoke in hushed tones, all too aware now that his voice could be carrying down the hall. 

“Me coming here- talking to you?  Was as a friend.  And you don’t have to answer my questions, that’s fine, that’s your right-- But the next person who shows up at your door might not be a friend, and you might _have_   to answer _their_   questions.” 

Rey stepped towards him calmly and Finn backed through the doorway as he added one final remark.  “This is a military organization, Rey.  And you answer to more than just yourself...  Secrets are a luxury that you don’t get to have.” 

“Yeah, well, technically I never really signed up for that either.” 

Rey shut the door in Finn’s face, feeling decidedly less guilty about it than she would’ve expected to. 

She made sure to lock it before stepping away, moving to occupy the spot on her bed that Finn had just vacated. 

She wrang her hands together nervously for a moment, lost in contemplation, then rolling her head over her shoulder Rey looked shyly at the trunk at the end of the bed. 

It only took a few seconds for her to make the decision and swiftly step over to unlock and open the chest.  She reached in and pulled out the projector, sliding it to rest on the floor beside her bed with its lens pointed up to the ceiling.  Satisfied with its alignment, Rey turned back to shuffle through her small collection of stolen memory sticks, finding the one she was after and putting the rest back in their hiding spot. 

It was unlike the others.  Newer, and a different model stick… but it was more than that.  She’d watched each of the holovids several times now save for this one, which she’d only managed to get through once. 

While the others had been carefully collected snippets of happy family memories- birthdays, and first steps; holidays and bedtime stories- the memory stick in her hand contained nothing more than surveillance footage from a series of cameras onboard the Millennium Falcon. 

The fractured timeline of a single event that occurred a decade and a half ago. 

Rey swallowed apprehensively as she locked the stick into the projector and hit play, laying back on her pillow to watch the pieced together story unfold. 

  


///

  


Ben Solo was fifteen today. 

Fifteen, and now officially old enough to apply for his pilot’s license, but after bringing it up at breakfast with his mother, Ben held little hope that she would be changing her mind any time soon. 

A license meant freedom.  A license meant independence. 

Leia Organa knew this, and had no intention of giving her moody teenage son permission to leave the planet whenever he felt like it. 

“Why can’t you just _talk_   to her?” 

The pleading in Ben’s voice was half-tempered with open hostility, as though he knew his argument would fall on deaf ears and simply wanted to make known his disapproval of the inevitable outcome. 

The angry teen continued stomping after his father as he loaded various crates into the Falcon’s forward freight elevator.  “Or can’t you be bothered to be a parent of equal standing in this family?” 

Han dumped the box in his hands onto the pile and looked back at Ben, genuinely wounded by his son’s spiteful words. 

The teen held his ground under the older man’s conflicted gaze, shoulders hunched forward and fists clenched at his sides.  Across the valley a heavy storm was spreading towards them, the dark clouds in the sky mirroring those in Ben’s eyes and the crackle of distant lightening adding an electricity to the air. 

“Is this really about the license – or is there something else?” 

Ben narrowed his eyes.  “Of course it’s about the license.”  Han gave him a doubtful look in response and Ben jutted his chin toward the supply-filled elevator shaft.  “Not like I care that you’re leaving.  Again.” 

“Ben-” 

Desperate for contact, Han reached out but caught only a handful of air as the boy ducked away and went storming past a confused Chewbacca as he scaled the ramp of the ship. 

Chewie looked over at his friend and let out a questioning growl that was quickly carried away by the increasing winds.   Han shook his head, punching the controls to close the freight elevator and dejectedly sauntering over to his co-pilot. 

“Get the repairs finished up and I’ll finish loading the gear.  That storm looks like it’ll be here sooner than we thought. 

Chewie growled in affirmative but his eyes betrayed concern about the things going unspoken. 

Han looked away, busying himself with collecting items to carry onto the ship, filling his arms before following his son’s angry path up the ramp. 

He half-expected to find Ben voyeuristically occupying the cockpit when he stepped onboard, and was surprised to discover the lanky teen sitting on the curved bench in the communal space.  His elbows propped up on the dejarik table and his head hung low between them. 

Han made quick work of depositing his armloads into the storage panels on the opposite wall before slowly striding towards Ben’s prone form, nervously grabbing at the back of his belt when he came to a stop in front of the table. 

“Listen, kid-” 

_“Don’t.”_   Ben interrupted him, his strained voice muffled as he spoke down to his lap. 

“Don’t what?” 

Ben sighed.  “Don’t… bother.” 

Ben lifted his head and Han’s lips involuntarily parted in response to the dead-eyed look of resignation that greeted him. 

Realizing his mouth was agape he quickly closed it, swallowing a wad of saliva as he simultaneously smothered whatever appropriate response he should have had to the seriousness of the moment. 

Shaking his head once again, Han stepped backwards, distancing himself in more ways than one.   “You know… you get this flair for the dramatic from your mother.” 

Something unreadable flashed across Ben’s face but Han had no interest in further investigation.  He turned away, heading back out of the ship and barking over his shoulder that the boy should make himself useful and help him finish loading the rest of the supplies. 

He didn’t look back to see if Ben was following him, but certainly wasn’t surprised to discover he wasn’t. 

Ben stared back down at the table for the next few minutes, pointedly ignoring both his father and the concerned wookie as they passed back and forth in front of him several times. 

A particularly heavy crate had Han visibly struggling as he made his way down the curved hallway, grunting and cursing all the way, before he pushed it into its place with a resounding huff.   As he walked back to the main hold wiping the sweat from his brow, he found Ben still seated, only now with his feet up on the table and his head leaned impossibly far back, staring at Han down the bridge of his nose. 

The very picture of insolence. 

Han stared back at Ben, his broad shoulders dropping under the weight of his disappointment. 

“You know…  There’s something to be said for fulfilling people’s expectations of you.” 

The cockiness drained from Ben’s eyes and he watched as his father turned away, seemingly uninterested in witnessing the impact of his accusation. 

Not wanting to give Han the satisfaction in feeling he’d gotten the last word, Ben leapt to his feet and chased after the older man as he made his way back off the ship. 

He was nearly about to charge down the ramp when the sound of his mother’s voice stopped him dead in his tracks. 

“Have you seen Ben?” 

Han grumbled something in response and Ben dipped down in his hiding spot to catch sight of his mother shaking her head with disappointment. 

“-what to do about-” 

“-what do you want me to-” 

“-feel like I don’t even know-” 

Ben strained his ears, trying to catch all that they were saying as the incoming storm fought to drown their voices out. 

“-think it’s time we talk about-” 

“-he doesn’t need to know that-” 

“-maybe he’d be better off-” 

“-send him to-” 

“-just give up-” 

Ben hadn’t heard everything but he’d heard enough.  He shoved himself from the top of the ramp and retreated back into the ship, punching any surface that dared come within his reach. 

He made his way to the cockpit, slamming a boot against one of the jump seats and dislodging it from its base. 

Pleased with the damage a single kick had caused, Ben proceeded to attack it further, ripping the hinges from their fastenings and sending screws and bolts skittering across the floor. 

He turned and grabbed the opposite seat between his hands, ripping the headrest apart as though it had personally offended him.  Once he felt satisfied with its destruction he turned to the pilot’s chair. 

His dad’s chair. 

And for a split-second considered tearing it apart as well, before quickly changing his mind and climbing into it. 

Looking through the windshield Ben spotted his parents moving along the starboard side of the ship, Leia stomping angrily back towards the house and Han reluctantly following after, waving his arms in the air as he pleaded. 

Ben let out a disgusted huff and began throwing switches. 

The loud rumble of the ignition being primed caught Han’s attention and he turned back, surprised to see Chewie still outside of the craft, the last of their supply trunks in his hands and an equally puzzled expression upon his face. 

Han’s head whipped knowingly to the cockpit, catching sight of the angry teen behind the helm. 

“Ben, no-” Leia gasped from behind him, far too quiet for the boy to actually hear. 

Han took off like a shot, running for the ramp at full speed but it slammed shut even as he jumped up to stop it.  He cursed and moved to the exterior release button, yelling even more obscenities as he punched it several times to no effect. 

Turning to run past Chewie again Han yelled, “He’s jammed the circuitry!” and the wookie cried out in concern.  Arriving below the glass walled cockpit he found Leia already there, begging with Ben to stop what he was doing and talk to her.  Han felt inclined to try another tactic. 

“You shut that engine down right this second or so help me you won’t _make it to sixteen!”_

Ben spared a withering glance in Han’s direction but otherwise didn’t hesitate as he made the last few adjustments and set initial coordinates for takeoff. 

By this time Chewie had made his way over to join them in front of the cockpit and began nervously pulling Leia out of harm’s way while calling for Han to follow them. 

Not yet done trying to angry finger wag his son into submission, Han persisted in blocking the ship’s departure with his body, even as the Falcon roared to life and the power of its engines shook the ground beneath him. 

Ben looked down at the furious visage of his father, seeing the redness of his cheeks and the way the vein on his forehead throbbed, and though he wanted to feel some sense of accomplishment or warped pride at the sight… he was disappointed to discover that he felt nothing.  Numb.  Empty. 

Knowing that even as his fingers twitched around the throttle there was little hope the stubborn elder Solo would willingly get out of the way, Ben made purposeful eye contact, unsettling enough in its emptiness that Han felt compelled to drop to the ground just as the Falcon nearly took his head off. 

Ben felt something immediate surge through him at the close call and his once steady breathing became labored and heavy.  His hands shook with adrenaline as he managed the control panel, realizing almost as an afterthought that he’d never sat on this side of the cockpit before and now everything was backwards. 

Looking out across the landscape, Ben eyed the imposing thunderclouds of the storm and set his course to meet them head on.  It was the stupidest thing he could possibly do and for that very reason it felt like the right decision. 

The Falcon creaked and groaned under the storm’s pressure and high velocity winds, and its impromptu pilot found himself hoping that this would finally be the day that his father’s beloved ship succumbed to its age. 

Still jittery and twitching like a live wire, Ben made one intentionally risky maneuver after another, dipping the craft down through the atmosphere low enough to scrape its belly on the tops of the tree line before inverting it back up at a ninety-degree angle.  All the while bolts of lightning rained down around him, repeatedly scorching the Falcon’s edges without ever making direct contact. 

Spotting the jagged peaks of the mountain range that lay a several miles ahead Ben found himself wondering if that had been his intended destination all along.  Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and slowly released his quivering grip on the controls.  The ship continued ripping through the sky, having no sentient ability to recognize its own impending doom. 

He’d been counting the passing seconds under his breath, when a familiar voice whispered furiously in the back of Ben’s mind, steadying his hands but sending a sheen of cold sweat rolling down the back of his neck. 

The voice was angry.  Disappointed.  Disgusted by his weakness. 

_‘How dare you forsake all that I have offered you.’_

Ben’s eyes shot open and he grabbed the stick, pulling up as fast as he could, but not fast enough to avoid clipping the mountainside, sending the Falcon into a tailspin. 

Any attempt to control the descent was futile, and Ben braced himself as the ship crash landed into the dense mountain forest, unable to avoid injury to either himself or the vessel. 

No sooner had the grip of splintered trees ceased the Falcon’s reckless slide than Ben was climbing down from his chair and onto the floor.  Kneeling, pleading, begging for forgiveness. 

He brushed away the blood that trickled down his face and blinked back the hypnotic pull of his concussion, focusing every ounce of himself into his piety. 

His crumpled form began rocking back and forth as he desperately reached out to his Master, needing to know that all their hard work together, all the trials and sacrifices Ben had made, had not been destroyed by his momentary foolishness. 

The voice was withholding as it communed with the boy, speaking minimally and allowing the dishonored apprentice to fill space in the conversation with apologies and confessions of his own inadequacies. 

Ben remained there on his knees, murmuring desperate pleas for forgiveness, right up until his parents finally found him. 

It had taken them two days. 

  


///

  


Rey blinked rapidly, feeling the tickle of moisture collecting on her lashes and wanting desperately to dry them out.  She stared up at the blank ceiling for a moment, willing her unshed tears to recede as she tightly gripped a fistful of blanket in her left hand. 

Without questioning it as much as she ought to, Rey allowed her other hand to slide over to the projector where it sat beside her and quickly pressed a few buttons, bringing up the last frame of the video. 

When she’d watched the footage for the first time, Rey had felt rage. 

Jealousy. 

An overwhelming need to reach back in time and slap Ben Solo across his selfish, ungrateful face. 

But now, having watched it once more and with a different expectation of the events as they unfolded…  She felt none of that. 

No self-victimizing torrents of how she would’ve killed to have any parents at all, let alone ones that so clearly loved their child. 

No blame, or bafflement, or infuriation. 

Gazing upon the broken form of the young boy, frozen in time and lost to the world… Rey felt only sadness. 

Tenderness... 

And pity. 

Reaching back to the projector again, with an aim to press the zoom button and get an even more invasive look at Ben’s face, Rey’s hand abruptly froze. 

Her cheeks turned pink at the sudden rush of blood to her face and her breathing hitched in her throat. 

_‘I don’t **need** your **pity.** ’ _

Rey gasped, properly hearing his voice for the first time since their exchange on Balmorra. 

And finding within it an angry desperation she hadn’t heard since they’d fought on Starkiller. 

_‘How dare you…’_

Rey sat up with a start, her face awash with guilt at having been caught red-handed. 

But how did he… know?  How could he- 

_‘I **saw** it.’ _  Kylo’s voice cut through her thoughts impatiently.   _‘I can see everything.’_

Rey’s eyes darted around frantically.  “What do you _mean_   you can see _everything?”_

_‘You’re in your…  bedroom.  Part of a Resistance bunker, looks like.’_  The seething fury in Kylo’s voice relented slightly to make way for his annoyance at having to explain the obvious.

Surely she knew of this aspect of the connection. 

Surely she’d at least accidentally used it once or twice before on _him._

Rey’s eyes bulged at the thought that someone else might be using them without her knowledge.  Or consent. 

“Get out of my head,” she growled at his presence and threw her legs over the side of the bed to stand. 

_‘Get out of **my** personal **business**.’_  he rightfully spat back. 

Rey glanced shamefully down at the projector on the floor and felt Kylo Ren’s affront to the unwilling emotional exposure that she’d subjected him to. 

She chewed at her lower lip, wanting to be mad at him for his invasion but ultimately knowing that hers was far worse- and had likely incited his. 

Walking slowly across the small room, Rey waited until she was only a few inches from the framed, full-length mirror before sliding in front of it and feeling more than a single set of eyes stare back. 

She recoiled briefly, seeing the image of herself reflected back more than once in a dizzyingly endless line of copies, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. 

Once they had, she steeled herself, letting her mind’s interloper get a good look at the remorse upon her face. 

_‘You had no right…’_  he breathed, more wounded now than angry. 

“I know,” Rey answered gently.  Her timber growing even softer as she spoke penitent words to the last person she’d ever expected to be on the receiving end of them.  “I’m sorry.” 

A long silence hung between them until finally Rey felt what could only be described as an internal nod of acceptance. 

She bit at her lip again and shifted her gaze away momentarily.  “I don’t understand any of this…” 

She sighed in frustration and looked back up at her own image, wanting some kind of riposte. 

_‘My offer still stands.’_

Rey spared a small smile for his persistence. 

“I don’t want a dark overlord, I just want some answers.” 

She felt him take a deep breath. 

_‘But how will you ever find them if you refuse to open your eyes?’_

Rey’s lip was nearly chewed to the point of bleeding now as she stared into the mirror apprehensively. 

“My eyes _are_   open…” she mumbled without conviction. 

Kylo spotted the fault in her resolve and pressed further.   _‘Then be honest with yourself…  You know you don’t belong there.’_

Rey briefly let her gaze drift to catch sight of her surroundings in the reflection. 

“Doesn’t mean I belong where you are,” she challenged.  “I’m not even sure you do.” 

She felt a prick of annoyance on Kylo’s end of the connection but to his credit it was absent from his voice. 

_‘Think about it.  But whatever you do…  just don’t waste your life pretending to be something you’re not.  It’s time you’ll never get back and…  ultimately you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.’_

“Are you speaking from experience?” 

_‘Perhaps,’_  he cagily replied. 

Rey sighed, pulling her focus away. 

“I should go…” 

She stepped sideways and scrunched her eyes, hoping he’d get the picture and take his leave of her. 

_“Wait wait wait-”_

Kylo’s insistent voice brought Rey back to her reflection semi-startled.  She quirked an eyebrow and waited for him to give his reason for stopping her. 

_“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you… for awhile now…”_

She blinked, having no guess as to what it could be. 

_“What’s your name?”_

The tiniest laugh hitched a ride on the surprised breath that shot from Rey’s open mouth. 

Once she was certain he hadn’t been joking, she licked her worried lips and softly answered. 

“I’m Rey.” 

  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2vn3p80)

[ full res poster via tumblr](https://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/image/156702364749)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing this story but it is challenging and I am busy af so any encouragement is not only welcome but down right greedily asked for. Let me know you're still reading so I know I'm disappointing actual people when I slack off  
>   
> Also, special thanks to Hisui+Kaihane who went through the trouble of commenting on every single chapter. Meant the world to me! <3


	10. Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *frantically runs through the room, tossing a very belated chapter into the air as an offering* Don't stop loving meeeeee

  
  
  


Kylo was awoken by a punch to the face. 

Grimacing, he cocked his head to the side and noticed with early-hour disdain that Uncas’s flailing had awoken solely its victim, meanwhile the toddler continued to slumber peacefully. 

Kylo told himself he ought to have gotten used to these sleeping arrangements by now, but that didn’t magically make it true.  The standard issue officer’s bed was bordering on too small for him as it was, and now he found himself having to carve out additional space for a whole extra person.  Uncas was tiny, but somehow managed to take up twice the space you’d expect him to. 

Stretching his stiff limbs across the bed in order to climb over the child without disturbing him, Kylo heard his joints groan loudly, making him feel far older than his 29 years of age.  He stumbled slightly and had to hop forward, grabbing the nearby armchair to catch himself. 

He shook his head at the absurdity. 

Such grace.  Such power.  Cower in fear before the great Kylo Ren… Master of Knights… changer of nappies. 

He looked back at the still form of his son and admitted ruefully to himself that of course, this wasn’t exactly true.  He’d missed the diaper stage entirely. 

Uncas had already been potty-trained and not by him.  Not by the boy’s mother, either. 

By nannies, Kylo figured.  And Takoda.  Just as he’d been. 

Kylo shuffled into the ensuite and gently closed the door behind him.  He rubbed a hand against his tired face as he looked wearily into the mirror, wishing he didn’t see quite so much of his father there. 

Turning away from the reflection, he pulled off his sleep clothes and stepped into the shower, putting the hot water on full blast and letting it pound against his chest. 

He used to take _cold_ showers in the morning. 

But then… he used to do a lot of things. 

Kylo hung his head forward, letting the water soak into his thick hair, and began ruminating on all the ways his life has so drastically changed in recent months. 

A solitary existence built on order and discipline had so suddenly given way to one of chaos and emotional attachments. 

Despite how it had happened, Kylo was endlessly grateful that his son was back in his life, but the reality of what that meant for him moving forward was still not something he was eager to address. 

And then there was the girl. 

_Rey,_   she’d said her name was. 

Kylo let the spray from the shower fill his mouth before spitting it out against the wall. 

Where to even begin… 

Kylo knew that he fascinated the girl. 

He’d felt it. 

Seen it through her own eyes. 

And though he fought to tell himself that _his_   interest in _her_   was solely that of wanting a skilled apprentice to call his own…  He found the argument unconvincing. 

She fascinated him as well. 

Pushing the distraction away, Kylo made quick work of washing his tired body, assuring himself that this day would prove more productive than others had been lately. 

There was much that needed his attending to, and still even more that lay waiting on the back burners.  And simultaneously, hanging just overhead, was the foreboding presence of his Master’s ebbing patience. 

Snoke had given Kylo time away from his training to retrieve Uncas and assist Hux in his campaign- but for how long?  At what point would he call his wayward Knight to come back? 

And would Kylo even have it in himself to go? 

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel from the shelf, rubbing it vigorously back and forth through his hair.  Hearing a series of soft taps Kylo lowered the towel to wrap it around his hips and stepped forward to open the door. 

Uncas smiled sleepily up at him and Kylo didn’t hesitate to scoop the boy into his arms.  He turned to face them both towards the mirror above the sink and handed the toddler his toothbrush before retrieving his own. 

Kylo switched the faucet on and spread a bit of toothpaste on each of their brushes, and together they began scrubbing. 

Each time the toddler would remove the toothbrush from his mouth Kylo would dip him forward so that he could spit daintily into the sink.  He, in turn, would then spit decidedly less daintily over Uncas’s shoulder. 

They continued this for exactly three minutes (Uncas was counting) and then they shared a cup of water to gurgle with. 

Kylo used a washcloth to wipe the vestiges of paste from around Uncas’s mouth and then gave him a boop on the nose with it for good measure.  The boy giggled and reached up to grab his father by his long hair and pull him down for a kiss on the cheek.  Kylo smiled. 

His duties could wait a little longer. 

  


///

  


Rey felt a warm wave of contentedness that was not her own gently pass through her, and without realizing it the corners of her mouth began to turn upwards. 

She’d hardly been listening to the morning briefing as it was, and now even less so.  Her focus was glazed, shifting uncommittedly around the room, failing to notice the two sets of eyes suspiciously observing her. 

It wasn’t until the voice of the speaker changed to that of General Organa that Rey snapped to attention. 

It was uncommon for the General to participate in such a gathering and it indicated an alteration to the day’s casual monotony. 

Rey listened attentively as the older woman spoke in non-specific platitudes regarding a shift in tactics for the Resistance.  Whatever Leia was planning it wasn’t for the ears of the entire base to hear, but nonetheless she seemed determined to make them feel included in it, even if it was in an ancillary capacity. 

Rey slowly began moving forward through the crowd, discreetly inching herself closer to the General and her inner circle.  Whereas before Rey had spent months avoiding inclusion in the Resistance’s front line efforts, she now found herself doggedly pursuing them. 

And the motivation behind this desire was something she absolutely refused to self-examine. 

General Organa wrapped up her remarks and turned away, moving from the throng of inspired troops to travel down a corridor towards the war room.  Rey sped up her steps, chasing after and then inserting herself into the small group moving behind the General. 

Once they reached the epicenter of the circular room, the group fanned out around the holographic console and Rey slid into place among them, hoping for her eagerness to go unnoticed. 

She involuntarily tensed when the rough fabric of two flight jackets brushed against her bare arms as Finn and Poe stepped inward to flank her. 

Her eyes darted to each of them, offering a meek smile before focusing her attention more than was necessary on General Organa and Admiral Statura, neither of whom had yet begun to speak. 

Leia was passing a datapad to her assistant when she noticed the three of them standing together at the opposite end of the table.  She spared the young heroes a genuine look of appraisal, sensing nothing of the unease that currently hung stagnant between them. 

The closed-door meeting soon began in earnest with the General detailing the majority of the plan whilst Statura interjected frequently with input and concerns. 

The growing competitiveness between the two leaders was something Rey felt ashamed to admit she saw as a potential strategic advantage.  If ever one should oppose her participation in a mission or regard her in any sort of way that Rey didn’t like, she felt confident that she would be able to turn to the other as an ally. 

A smug sense of satisfaction rolled through her consciousness, and it suddenly occurred to Rey that she might not be entirely alone in her thoughts. 

She frowned in confusion as she felt a growing pressure develop behind her eyes, but by the time she realized what it meant the meeting was over and the group was dispersing, leaving Rey to wonder if she’d just leaked sensitive information to the enemy. 

  


///

  


“What do you mean you’re going alone?” 

Hux’s clipped steps fought to keep pace with Kylo’s lengthy stride as the younger of the two made his way across the Finalizer’s expansive hangar, befuddled General in tow. 

“I should think the expression is pretty self-explanatory,” Kylo offered, continuing ahead undaunted. 

“Now isn’t the time for your sass, Ren,” Hux bristled. 

“Later, then?” 

“Is that a _joke?_   Is this _funny_   to you?” 

Kylo glanced over his shoulder to note the increasingly crimson tone of Hux’s complexion and bit back the urge to say ‘yes’. 

Hux clenched his jaw and jogged forward a few paces so that at least he was struggling to stay shoulder to shoulder with the Knight, not liking the idea that anyone watching them would see the General of the First Order scrambling after Kylo Ren’s heels. 

“In case you hadn’t noticed- there’s a war on,” he continued exasperatedly.  “There isn’t time for personal errands or vendettas or whatever it is that you’re setting off to do-” 

“I told you, I’m pursuing a lead.”  Kylo and Hux continued past the Upscilon class shuttle that the Knight usually traveled in and the latter of the two men glanced at its passing in surprise. 

“Alone, without backup, without telling me where you’re going-” Hux caught sight of Kylo’s vintage Light Interceptor just ahead of them and balked.  “In _that?”_

“I’m traveling incognito,” Kylo casually explained as he moved towards the nervous crew member who’d been hurriedly prepping the vessel for him.  “Is everything ready?” 

The nebbish young man in coveralls nodded in affirmative before realizing he needed to vocalize the confirmation.  “S-Sir, yes, Sir.  I checked all your fluids, filled the fuel tanks and primed the engine.  I, uh, didn’t know your destination though so I couldn’t set the coordi-” 

“My bag?” Kylo interrupted him. 

“Onboard, Sir.” 

“Packing light, I hope?” Hux moved closer, leering still at the older craft in disdain.  “Your presence is expected back as soon as possible, assuming of course this piece of junk is even capable of making a round trip.” 

Kylo ignored Hux’s ribbing and focused in on the slightly grimy piece of dark green material wrapped around the mechanic’s neck. 

“Your bandana.  Give it to me.” 

The young man froze in surprise and Hux gave him a half-serious look of warning.  “I wouldn’t make him ask again if I were you,” he suggested, nodding towards Kylo.  “He’s not known for _rational behavior_.” 

Within seconds the scarf had been yanked from the mechanic’s neck by his own hands and thrusted into Kylo’s. 

Kylo tossed it up into the craft and turned to Hux, saying one thing but implying another. 

“I’m confident you’ll stay on top of things in my absence, General.” 

Hux gave a curt nod, addressing the well-being of their shared warship and the First Order as a whole, but blinked his eyes gently towards Kylo’s mask, thinking only of young Uncas and his safety. 

Kylo nodded in response and turned to scale the ladder into the small cockpit. 

Hux took a couple steps back as the ship’s thrusters roared to life, and noticing the lack of self-awareness of the still-stunned crew member, he reached out to grip the befuddled mechanic by the sleeve and tugged him back as well. 

The glass screen of the Interceptor slid shut, and Hux could’ve sworn he saw Kylo yank off his helmet before the craft had even exited the hangar. 

  


///

  


Rey was a nervous wreck. 

The hours it had taken the Resistance envoy to reach their destination was enough to put Rey through a ringer of emotions- ranging from annoyance at Finn’s clinginess, and irritation at Poe’s attempted maneuvering of her role in the operation, all the way to full-fledged, guilt-ridden panic that she might be leading the both of them and several others into a deadly trap. 

She was almost certain that the First Order’s Head Knight had been creeping around in her mind at the tail end of General Organa’s briefing…  But whether he’d seen anything damnable, or would bother to act on it if he had, Rey couldn’t say. 

It was a short distance from where the shuttle had landed to where they’d be delivering the Resistance delegate to meet in secret with various heads of state, but the adrenaline pumping through Rey’s veins made it seem like miles. 

The small group kept to the shoulders of the dirt road as they moved together in formation, using the darkness of night for cover.  There was a light sheen of rain falling from the sky as well, further obscuring them from view as they approached the marked building. 

A flickering orange glow permeated the edges of the doorway and urgent whispers could be heard from within, confirming that some, if not all of the other representatives had arrived. 

Ushering their charge and a pair of bodyguards inside, the rest of the team was left to disperse around the structure’s perimeter. 

“I’ll go with Rey,” Finn all but insisted to the team leader, garnering a look of contempt from Rey and a grimace from Poe. 

“No,” Lt. Stanhope answered, a light frown creasing his high forehead.  “There aren’t enough of us to double-up.  Too much real estate to cover.” 

Rey did her best to mask the sigh of relief she felt as Stanhope broke the group apart, sending her and her increasingly nosy friend in opposite directions. 

She began to move away but paused when Finn reached out to grasp her by the elbow.  She glanced down at it, then back up at him, slowly but determinedly removing herself from his grip. 

“Look I don’t know what your deal is-” she forcefully whispered. 

“Rey-” 

“-But I don’t need a babysitter.” 

Rey tried her best to soften the look in her eyes before turning to jog away, but nonetheless left Finn reeling from the detachment between them.  Poe looked on helplessly, waiting as long as he could before encouraging Finn to get to his post. 

Above them, unseen, a bemused grin and a flutter of movement graced the opposite rooftop.  The large form waited momentarily to assure their departure, before silently slinking away in the same direction that Rey had gone. 

  


Rey slid her canvas poncho aside, confirming her location on the GPS that hung from her hip as she settled into her post.  It was a small alley at the Northeast end of the compound, littered with all the dumpsters from the nearby eateries. 

She’d have to remember later to thank Lt. Stanhope for assigning her to the epicenter of garbage. 

Pushing away her most disloyal of thoughts, Rey fought to keep her senses attuned, still worried about a First Order ambush, though less so with each passing minute as things continued going as planned.  Eventually she relaxed enough to tuck her blaster into its holster and she reached out from the overhang of the building to let the rain soak her upturned hand. 

It wasn’t the first time Rey had experienced this kind of weather, but it was still a genuine novelty to her, and soon she was inching further forward towards the downpour, eventually sticking her tongue out to catch a few raindrops on it. 

She smiled, brushing the water from her face as she leaned back under the shelter and smoothed her hands over her wet hair, pushing it away from her cheeks. 

She closed her eyes, focusing all her attention on the steady pitter patter that played upon the metal rooftops, deciding at once that it was her absolute favorite sound in the entire galaxy. 

So unfortunate then, that it be interrupted by her least favorite sound. 

Her eyes shot open at the unmistakable cackle of that saber, and she dove haphazardly into the center of the alley in order to avoid being boxed in. 

Kylo hadn’t intended to use his weapon upon revealing himself to Rey, but he discovered there was a juvenile side to him that just couldn’t resist giving her a fright as he’d managed to catch her so unawares. 

He jumped down from the edge of the rooftop, landing with a splash in the thick mud, and quickly moved into a defensive position as Rey already had a blaster trained on him before she’d even picked herself up from the ground. 

“Hey,” he scolded, flicking his lightsaber in Rey’s direction, a precise movement that deftly removed the blaster from her grip but still got close enough to singe her fingertips. 

Rey hissed, stumbling backwards as she stood, but Kylo made no further attacks, allowing her to reach beneath her poncho and produce his grandfather’s saber. 

“Better,” he murmured approvingly as Rey ignited the blue beam and slashed at the air between them. 

“I knew it,” Rey gritted at Kylo through her teeth.  “I knew you were spying on me.” 

She moved forward, casting blows that Kylo deflected with an infuriating air of nonchalance. 

“Sorry,” he lied.  “You should probably work on blocking me out.  At least while you’re in your super secret top priority anarchist meetings or whatever.” 

Rey froze.  The delegation.  Her team.  She looked up to the skies and down to the end of the alley frantically.  “The others-” 

“Are fine,” Kylo assured her.  “I came alone.” 

Rey blinked, shaking off the drops of rain as they gathered on her eyelashes. 

She focused her full attention on him for the first time, looking past the grip he held on that fiery saber.  Noting the lack of menace in his posture, the informality of his appearance. 

“…What are you wearing?”  Without realizing it, Rey had echoed Kylo’s previous sentiment from their confrontation on Balmorra.  She looked him over, taking in the black hooded coat, nondescript trousers, and military boots that made him look so much more mundane than his usual attire. 

If it weren’t for the bandana that covered most of his face, and the unstable blade of plasma he held at his side… Kylo Ren would almost look, dare she say it, normal. 

His broad shoulders shrugged ever so slightly.  “It was laundry day.” 

Rey opened her mouth to reply but found no words that felt even remotely adequate for this situation.  She continued staring at him until the casual twirl of his saber set her on the offensive again. 

She raised her arms and hesitated, giving Kylo a moment to register her intent to attack, though she couldn’t for the life of her say why. 

Rey swung at him repeatedly as they moved about the alleyway, less frantic than she’d been before though no more effective.  Every step she took, every swing she attempted- Kylo seemed to thoroughly anticipate and he easily kept her at bay. 

Growling in frustration, Rey stretched her lunges further, trying to compensate for his advantage in reach but Kylo Ren shook his head in response. 

“Don’t do that,” he warned, continuing to block her strikes though they were making it closer to his body. 

“You scared?” Rey challenged, continuing the tactic, forcing Kylo to bend his arms at sharper angles as he defended himself. 

“No,” he knocked one of her jabs away forcefully.  “You shouldn’t do that because you’re overextending yourself.  You’ll lose your balance.” 

Rey made a sour face at him and lunged aggressively once again.  “Will not.” 

Kylo turned sideways to avoid the blow but it managed to glance his left forearm, eliciting a grunt of pain that his attacker seemed to find all too satisfying. 

Rey lifted her arms to block a sudden, high swing from Kylo, leaving her body exposed.   But despite the opportunity to do far worse, the aggravated Knight merely kicked an impossibly long leg out to sweep Rey’s feet out from under her. 

Rey landed face down in the mud, hard enough to knock the wind from her lungs, and she was left momentarily helpless as Kylo crouched down in front of her, picking up the saber that had fallen from her grasp and winking at her in the most obnoxiously confident way. 

Rey groaned as she pitifully rolled herself over, lying stagnate as she waited for the rain to wash the mud from her face. 

She opened her eyes once she felt the looming presence of Kylo standing over her. 

He waggled the saber hilt above her mockingly. 

“Lose something?   _Again?”_

Rey glared at him with as much confidence as someone lying on the ground is capable of. 

“What do you want from me?” 

Kylo lowered the hand holding Rey’s adopted saber to his side, and for a split second she saw something wholly unreadable flash across his dark eyes.  But he blinked and it was gone, his mask of indifference back in place. 

“I want you to stop wasting your time with these-” Kylo waved an arm towards the building Rey was meant to be guarding, “These fanatics.”  He stepped away enough that Rey felt confident to climb back up to her feet, but with no weapon in hand she found there was little else she could do but stand there trying to look tough.  Kylo paid little mind, however, pacing around the alley as he continued bemoaning the Resistance, going so far as to periodically turn his back on Rey without a care or concern.  She hated him for that. 

“They’re just a bunch of fringe lunatics, you realize…  Refusing to accept the reality of their circumstances.  And this-” he gestured to the building once again, “This is just another fruitless tactic.  A trade embargo?  Against the First Order?”  He laughed mirthlessly and Rey felt her anger build at his condescension.  “You can’t think that’ll actually work…”  He turned his back on her again.  “The only reason I didn’t bring troops to stop it, is that I thought it’d be more amusing just to watch them fail.” 

Rey had heard about all she could stand and with a growl she charged at Kylo’s back, crashing into him with enough momentum to knock both sabers from his hands.  He spun around, knocking Rey’s punches away as she flailed them wildly towards his head. 

With no small amount of effort, Kylo was eventually able to capture both of her fists within the grasp of his much larger hands and after a moment of struggle Rey relented, dropping them to her sides so that he would let go. 

After an extended bout of very intense eye contact, Kylo warily began to lower himself towards the ground, stretching his reach to pick up his saber hilt while not once shifting his gaze away from Rey’s.   He stood back up, clipping the hilt to his belt along the way, and as soon as he was fully upright again he grabbed Rey by the shoulders and spun her around. 

She let out an _umphf_   as Kylo tossed her up against the brick wall, but before Rey could even slap his hands away he’d already removed them. 

He leaned his towering body apart from Rey just enough to give her space while staying close enough to keep her there if she tried to flee. 

Rey swallowed uncomfortably, seeing things in Kylo Ren’s eyes she didn’t know how to process.   Trying to look elsewhere she found herself briefly mesmerized by a thick drop of water as it rolled from a loose lock of his hair and dripped onto his brow. 

Rey glanced over Kylo’s shoulder. 

_When had it stopped raining?_

She looked back up at him again, eventually finding her voice.  “If you didn’t come to stop the trade discussions then why are you here?” 

Kylo blinked in response, looking for all the world like a predator that’d finally caught its prey, only to then realize it wasn’t even hungry. 

“I don’t know,” he answered softly. 

Rey caught the way his mouth moved beneath the bandana that stretched across his face, and soon found her hands reaching up towards it of their own accord. 

Her shaking fingers grasped the soaked material and gently pulled on Kylo’s makeshift mask, sliding it down the length of his nose and then over his lips and chin. 

She recoiled in shock at the still-red scar bisecting his face. 

“Why- why didn’t you heal it?”  Rey’s words came out confused, guilty and angered all at once.  She shook her head.   “Surely the First Order has adequate enough medical facil-” 

“I wanted a reminder,” Kylo interrupted, silencing her. 

Rey stared back at him, following along the trail of her handiwork before settling on his eyes once more. 

She hesitated further, fearing his reply to the only thing she could think to say next. 

“A reminder of what?” she whispered. 

Kylo’s heady gaze bore into hers. 

“You.” 

A glance down at her lips gave Rey an idea of Kylo’s intentions before he even began to lean toward her, and for a reckless moment she almost allowed it to happen. 

When her hand came up between their faces, stopping his approach, Kylo didn’t seem surprised, and nor did he outwardly project his disappointment. 

He simply reached up with one of his gloved hands and grasped Rey by the forearm. 

His firm grip kept her steady as he bent forward and pressed his mouth against the tip of her longest finger. 

Rey held her breath as Kylo’s pouty lips pulled bits of her skin between them, over and over again as he moved from one finger to the next, peppering each with tender kisses. 

After reaching her pinky finger Kylo dipped his head a little, traveling down to the palm of Rey’s hand and crushing his mouth against it. 

Rey let out a breathy sigh, too overcome by his actions to do anything but stare. 

Kylo pulled himself away just enough to move down to her wrist, and using the edges of his teeth he carefully nipped at the most tender of skin there, glancing up to gauge Rey’s reaction as he quickly smoothed the bite over with a kiss. 

He then stood back up to his full height, releasing his grip on Rey and allowing her to pull the affected limb to her chest, cradling it protectively. 

They stared into each other’s eyes as Rey felt the last of her defenses drop away. 

So primed was she in anticipation, that the sound of Poe’s voice scratching through the comm link was enough to make her jump. 

Kylo leaned back a step, likely hearing the same warning of time run out as Rey did, and with a hint of satisfaction he watched the disappointment flash across her face unguardedly. 

Rey then dropped her head forward and squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. 

Once again they would retreat to their separate corners, their opposing sides in the conflict, and as each time before Rey felt less and less confident that she’d chosen the right one. 

When she opened her eyes again he was gone. 

Rey looked around the dark alley wistfully, neither seeing nor hearing any trace of his departure. 

A beam of moonlight cast a glint upon the saber hilt that still lay at her feet. 

Smiling softly to herself, Rey dipped her head down and pressed her open lips against the hand that Kylo had claimed as his own, breathing in his scent as it still lingered there. 

A shadow crossed the end of the alleyway and Rey turned to watch Poe jog up to her.  She clenched her hand shut possessively, as if to capture something within it. 

Poe glanced about Rey’s surroundings before focusing in on her inscrutable face. 

“You good?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Rey answered softly.  “I’m good.” 

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=1to976)

[ full res poster via tumblr](https://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/image/160183690574)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The father/son oral-hygiene bonding and reylo UST finger porn you never knew you always needed?  
>   
> Feedback = chapters. You can scold me if you'd like.


	11. Abandon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY.

  
  
  


As Rey’s mental connection with Kylo Ren grew stronger and easier to navigate, her ability to communicate with those around her diminished in kind. 

She found herself eating meals in her dormitory and finding jobs to work on in the most remote areas of the tarmac.   Making excuses for why she couldn’t attend social gatherings and taking indirect routes around the base to avoid seeing anyone that really knew her. 

_‘They don’t know you at all,’_   he’d whisper haughtily.   _‘They have no idea who you are or what you’re capable of… They’ll never understand you. Not like I do.’_

Sometimes Rey would tell him to knock it off. 

Sometimes she didn’t. 

It was a dark and blustery morning as Rey maneuvered around the small patch of land she’d claimed as her private training area.  Space was plentiful on the outer edges of the Resistance stronghold, but even if it hadn’t been Rey didn’t think anyone would want to get too close to her while she was waving her deadly lightsaber around anyway. 

At first she’d been reluctant to practice with the weapon at all, still feeling that if she weren’t a Jedi she had no right to use a Jedi weapon. 

But he’d insisted. 

Nagged, even. 

And ultimately she’d relented, swearing it was only to shut him up and not in any way to appease him. 

Kylo’d given her a silent grace period of a few days, waited until Rey’s frustration at her limited knowledge reached a boiling point, before he began to instruct. 

It started with helpful hints and corrections, sarcastic observations and teasing reprimands, but soon he was giving Rey entire training exercises and detailed forms to master. 

_‘This would be a lot easier if you’d just come to me and be my apprentice,’_   he’d remind her. 

“Not on your life,” Rey would answer, missing nary a step in her routine.  “I will never call you ‘Master’.” 

_‘Don’t worry sweetheart,’_   he murmered seductively one day, catching her off guard.   _‘I’ll give you something else to call me.’_

Rey’d nearly taken her own arm off by accident. 

That had been over a week ago and she hadn’t gotten a peep out of Kylo since.  It wasn’t uncommon for a couple of days to pass without hearing him in her head, as they’d discovered proximity played a role in their connection, but this was much longer than usual and Rey found herself agitated by his absence. 

She jutted her saber through the foggy air angrily, finding the rolling storm that approached across the horizon to be quite apt for her mood. 

One form into the next, each movement more forceful than necessary, Rey fought an invisible opponent unrelentingly until a thundering torrent of rain finally forced her inside. 

Stalking down the halls towards her room, annoyed at her training having been cut short, Rey was genuinely startled when a hand reached out to grasp her forearm and stop her. 

“Woah!”  Poe jumped back, holding his hands in the air when Rey turned on him defensively.  “I come in peace, I swear.” 

Rey lowered her raised fist and did her best to relax her posture, despite the revelation that it was Poe who’d grabbed her doing nothing to put her at ease. 

“Did you go for a swim?” he joked awkwardly, noting her sodden appearance. 

Rey reached up to grab a fistful of her hair and squeezed a respectable amount of water out of it.  “I don’t know how to swim,” she answered humorlessly. 

“Okay…”  Poe stared down at the puddle Rey had produced on the concrete floor of the hallway then back up at her inscrutable face.  “I uh, came to ask you a favor…  It was Stanhope’s idea, and the Admiral signed off on it.” 

Poe waited a second for some kind of response from Rey but came up short. 

He cleared his throat and continued.  “We were wondering if uh, if you’d consider running through some combat drills with some of our ground forces.  Sword play and such.” 

Rey shifted from one foot to another, her curiosity piqued but still waiting to hear all of what Poe was suggesting. 

“It’s just that… a lot of us haven’t had much experience with that kind of thing.  I mean, me- I’m great in the sky, you know?  I’ve got that covered, and I’m a decent shot with a blaster, but uh, the hand-to-hand, one-on-one stuff isn’t really my strong suit.  It isn’t for a lot of us.” 

“I was never formally trained, you know…” Rey replied, conveniently leaving out her recent tutelage. 

Poe grinned wryly at her.  “I don’t think anyone’s going to be questioning your qualifications, Rey.” 

She gave a modest smile in response and shifted her eyes to stare down the hallway as she considered his proposal. She watched for a minute as several Resistance members passed by, everyone with a purpose and a place to go.  She wondered for a second if that wouldn’t be so bad.  If perhaps she ought to reconsider her recent need to isolate and distance herself from the cause as much as possible. 

“All right,” Rey answered cautiously.  “I can’t promise you anything… but I’ll try.” 

“Great,” Poe beamed back at her.  “I’ll go get the first group assembled in the main training room.” 

“Wait, you mean right now?” Rey asked in surprise. 

“Well, yeah… I mean, unless you’re busy or…?” Poe looked back at her hopefully and after a couple seconds she relented. 

“Yeah, okay.  Just let me go change and I’ll meet you over there.” 

“Fantastic.  Thanks, Rey.  Really.” 

Poe started off down the hall and Rey half-heartedly cautioned him as he moved away.  “Don’t thank me yet...” 

  


///

  


“On Jakku everyone knows how to fight.  It’s the only way to protect what’s yours.”  Rey pushed forward at Snap Wexley, using her staff to try and unbalance him.   “There was always someone trying to take from you.   Your home, your food, your means.”  She swung at Wexley’s feet, taking them out from under him.  He hit the floor with a loud smack and looked up at her, impressed.  “That’s why I’m not sure I can be any help to you here.  You all fight for a cause…  I’ve only ever fought for my life.” 

“When soldiers of the Resistance are engaged in hand-to-hand combat, they _are_   fighting for their lives,” Lt. Stanhope answered, stepping forward through the assembled soldiers. 

Rey held out an arm and helped pull Wexley up from the ground.   “Self-preservation isn’t something that can be taught.” 

“No,” Stanhope agreed.  “But how to defend yourself from a lightsaber can be.” 

The Lieutenant held a training sword up from his side and Rey stared back at it, warily. 

She shook her head.  “I’d simply advise against engaging in combat with anyone that has one.” 

“So, like… you and Kylo Ren?” an unfamiliar voice piped up. 

Rey darted her eyes to the man standing beside Poe, the latter of whom had the presence of mind to try and shush his compatriot from goading her any further. 

Rey took a contemplative breath before striding over towards Lt. Stanhope.  She tossed her staff aside and took the sword from his hand. 

She began moving around the circle, swinging the pretend saber in casual flourishes.  Rey addressed the cheeky soldier whose wrist was still in the grip of Poe Dameron, but projected her voice towards the crowd as a whole. 

“A lightsaber is as dangerous for the person wielding it as it is for the person they’re going after.  One wrong move, one misstep… a quarter inch one way or the other… and you lose a hand.  A leg.  Your life.”  Rey demonstrated how easily one could injure themselves by swinging the sword close enough to bump against her thigh, then again at her wrist.  “Anyone skilled and _bold_   enough to carry and use a lightsaber… is someone you should avoid fighting at all costs.” 

“Finn fought with one!” a voice from the group called out. 

Rallying cries of agreement sounded off around the room and one man went so far as to grasp Finn by the shoulders and shake him proudly.

Rey caught the humbled look in Finn’s eyes. 

She beckoned him to join her in the center of the room and he obliged, although timidly. 

Rey began circling Finn, like a lioness stalking her prey, and spoke in the tone one would employ for an interrogation. 

“Finn, were you trained in hand-to-hand combat by the First Order?” 

“Yes,” he answered, flinching at the reminder of his past. 

“For how long?” 

“Years.  Since childhood.” 

“With lightsabers?” 

“No.  But weapons designed to combat them.  Electrostaffs and Z6 batons.” 

Rey nodded as she continued.  “Describe Kylo Ren’s mental state at the time when you engaged him.” 

“What?” Finn looked to her surprised, but she avoided his eye contact, gazing instead at the floor or far-off points on the surrounding walls as she continued moving around him. 

“When he confronted us in the woods and I was knocked unconscious- how would you describe his mood? His focus?” 

“He was…  Upset.  Frantic.” 

“And his physical state?” 

Finn continued to follow her with his eyes, a look of growing understanding beginning to settle in them. 

“He was bleeding to death.” 

The crowd began murmuring amongst themselves and Rey raised her voice slightly to drown out the sound.  “Would you say Kylo Ren was actively trying to kill you during your fight?” 

Finn paused before answering softly, “No.”  The murmurs grew louder. 

“Why?” 

“He… burned me when he could have killed me.  He punched me when he didn’t need to.  He was showing off.  Toying with me.” 

“And why would he do that?” 

“He wanted to hurt me but…. I wasn’t his intended target.  You were.  I was in the way.” 

Poe frowned from the crowd at the complicated look that flashed across Rey’s face. 

“And how did he get you out of the way?” she asked, her mask of indifference returning. 

Finn didn’t answer, waiting instead for Rey to finally look at him.  When she did, he sighed and reached down to pull off his shirt. 

An audible gasp sounded as Finn slowly turned in a circle, allowing everyone to see the massive scar that spanned the length of his back.  The damaged flesh shone like a lightning bolt against his dark complexion and was crudely uneven, like a dangerously rocky terrain. 

Rey swallowed the lump in her throat at the sight of Finn’s injury, turning away from it and back to the crowd. 

“Finn had close to two decades of specialized combat training.  He was armed and at full strength when he took on Kylo Ren.  Ren, on the other hand, was distracted, emotionally distraught, and grievously injured.  He had no interest or need to fight Finn, and even under these circumstances…”  She shifted her eyes back to Finn’s damaged torso.  “Even then, this- and several months in a coma were the result.” 

Rey looked to Stanhope tiredly and obligingly he nodded back. 

“Okay, let’s call it a day.  Perhaps tomorrow you and Finn could offer us some demonstrations.” 

Rey and Finn glanced uncomfortably at each other before looking back at the Lieutenant and bobbing their chins in agreement. 

The crowd began to disperse and Rey bit her lip as Finn pulled his shirt back over his head, covering the scar once more. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered gently before moving away, leaving Finn to wonder whether it was the injury itself or the calling of attention to it that she felt guilty about. 

  


///

  


It was the third day of Rey’s impromptu combat training with the few dozen Resistance fighters who’d signed up to learn from her and Finn had spent most of the afternoon sitting off to the side, observing. 

With his back pressed up against the wall and his legs crossed in front of him, the former stormtrooper painted a casual picture- so long as you didn’t look too closely at his face. 

With a critical gaze he followed Rey around the room while she instructed, sparking with worried curiosity whenever a form she used seemed particularly advanced, or a movement she made felt eerily familiar.  The sort of scrappy, rough-and-tumble fighting style one would expect from a outer rim scavenger seemed to have given way to a much more sophisticated methodology.  One that Finn had witnessed before first hand. 

A double knock on the floor signaled the surrender of Jessika Pava and Rey stepped back from the exhausted pilot as she lumbered up from the floor, the victor of the two twirling her faux saber absent-mindedly as she awaited her next opponent. 

Before anyone else could step up, Finn pushed himself from the wall and strode forward into the training circle.  On the way Jessika passed him her training sword and a weary look that said _‘good luck, you’re gonna need it’._

Rey turned as Finn approached, a flicker of surprise registering in her otherwise very distracted eyes.  She nodded quickly at him before stepping back into a defensive pose. 

Finn didn’t hesitate for more than a second before lunging forward in attack, almost catching Rey entirely off guard. 

The click-clack of their wooden swords echoed around the room, seemingly loud even over the hum of the assembled viewers.  The fight moved far faster and more aggressively than all those that preceded it, and with each near-miss or frantically blocked swing, those watching couldn’t help but audibly cringe. 

Finn wasn’t oblivious to the look of confusion on Rey’s face as he continued attacking her with such fervor, but it was the other look- the one of barely controlled rage, that he was focused on inspiring in her.  Using every ounce of training and experience that he had, Finn pushed at Rey in a manner barely describable as pretend and she, in turn, fought back. 

A high swing sent Rey ducking her head away and Finn seized the opportunity to give her a hard smack on the side of her leg.  One that would’ve amputated it had the saber been real. 

Rey winced in pain but looked more angry than hurt and it took mere seconds for her to recover.  Finn meanwhile glanced to his left and caught a beseeching look from Poe, whose lips silently whispered the words _‘What are you doing?’_

Even if he knew the answer Finn didn’t have time to give it as Rey was already rushing towards him in full attack mode.  He somersaulted out of the way, barely blocking a blow that could’ve taken his head off as he rose up from the dive. 

The concerned voices of Poe and Stanhope fought to be heard but Finn and Rey proved equally adept at dismissing them.  In fact, the entire crowd seemed to disappear… leaving only the estranged pair of friends and their battle for dominance. 

Ignoring the limitations of the training area, Rey soon had Finn pushed back towards the wall of windows that faced the North end of the compound.  Between lunges and parries, she managed to catch sight of her small patch of grass off in the distance, and the reminder of how long it had been since her mentor had mentally accompanied her there pushed Rey to an even darker place than she was already existing in.  The pretend blows from her supposed ally soon felt like anything but, and without even recognizing the change in herself Rey began fighting not for show or practice, but to harm. 

Rey’s swings were broad and powerful, forgoing the survivable shots at Finn’s extremities, instead focusing on his head and chest.  Her opponent, for his part, managed to hold her off for a respectable minute, but an unlucky stumble caused Finn to drop his arms and it was all the opportunity that she needed to make contact. 

The sickening crack of wood on bone was the last thing anyone heard before Finn dropped to the ground and the entire room fell silent. 

Scrambling out of the stunned assembly Poe came running forward, sliding to his knees to land at Finn’s side.  He reached out to grasp the sides of his friend’s face in order to shake him awake, but quickly pulled his right hand away when he discovered it was covered in blood. 

Horrified, he looked from the streak of red upon his hand, to the gash on the side of Finn’s head, and then up at Rey as she stood frozen above them. 

“What have you done?” he asked her with a tone both fearful and accusing. 

Rey opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out, she just stared down at them as Poe turned his attention back to Finn, working to stop the bleeding and gently prodding him to wake up. 

Everyone had moved closer by now and a couple of them even joined Poe on their knees, working together to rouse their fallen comrade. 

Rey failed to see the frightened looks that were being tossed in the direction of her and the bloodied saber in her hand as she stared straight down, holding her breath and waiting desperately for Finn to open his eyes. 

He finally did, and there were cries of relief that echoed around the room but Rey stayed silent.  Eventually she allowed herself to be pushed away from the vicinity nearest to Finn, and before anyone noticed she used the opportunity to slip away. 

  


///

  


Leia slowly moved down the dormitory passageway, the combination of her advanced age and diminutive stature making even the shortest of distances seem great.  Along the way she was greeted with the occasional nod of deference or a hurried salute, and each was humbly dismissed with a wave of her hand.

Upon reaching her destination the General’s fist hovered momentarily before making contact with the door.  Her hesitancy was warranted as the intrusion was met with a half-hysterical growl. 

_“I said leave me alone!”_

“Rey, honey… it’s Leia.  Could I come in for a moment?” 

At the sound of her quasi-mother figure’s pleading, Rey’s voice dropped down to a pitiful whine.   _“Please go away…”_

Leia sighed.  “It’s been two days, Rey.  Everyone’s very worried about you.” 

A mumble came through the door that sounded something like _‘they should be’_   and Leia fruitlessly tried jiggling the handle to see if it would give way. 

“Sweetheart, Finn is fine.  He’s doing great.  In fact, I just came straight from seeing him.  The doctors even cleared him to get back to work tomorrow.  Please Rey, just open the door.”  She paused for a moment before adding, “That’s an order.” 

The sound of reluctant shuffling emanated from the room before eventually the door creaked open just enough for Rey to wedge her face into the crack.  Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy and her skin ashen with a grey pallor, making Leia cringe at the very sight of her. 

“Oh, you poor dear…” 

“I’m fine.”  Rey’s voice sounded strangled and harsh, either from lack of use or screaming, Leia couldn’t be sure which.  “I’d like to be alone.” 

“Rey, you can’t.  You’re starting to scare people…” 

“I think I already accomplished that,” she groused.  “Everyone hates me now.” 

“No one hates you, Rey.” 

“They should.” 

“Rey.” 

“I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I just- I can’t…” Rey stepped back from the doorway just enough for Leia to peek inside and catch sight of the worrying destruction Rey had done to her room.  “I can’t be here.  I don’t belong here.  No one wants me, everyone leaves, he left me and I don’t know where he- I, I hurt Finn, I’m… I’m so sorry-” 

Leia pushed herself into the doorway and wrapped her arms around Rey as the girl began to shake.  She shushed her soothingly and whispered calming words into her ear, brushing her hair back the way only a mother would know to do. 

After a time Rey had cried herself out and calmed down enough to wipe the tear tracks from her face.  Leia pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and handed it over.  “I’ve had much need for one these days.” 

Rey looked back at Leia mournfully, remembering that her problems were relative and that others had even greater heartbreaks to overcome, and did so with grace. 

Feeling slightly foolish, she began straightening her clothes and attempted to flatten her knotted locks of hair with the palms of her hands. 

Leia, ever the diplomat, proceeded with the conversation as though nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred, effectively lulling Rey into a restored sense of normalcy. 

“Rey I wondered if I might ask you a favor…  It’s something I’d been meaning to get around to for some time, but we’ve only just discovered a person on base with the necessary skillset to accomplish this and well, I…” 

“What?” Rey asked as Leia trailed off. 

“It’s to do with my son.” 

Rey flinched ever so slightly but did her best to look impassive.  “What about him?” 

“You see, there aren’t many people who have seen him in the last decade or so without his… without the mask.” 

Rey bit her lip, sensing where this was going. 

“We found an artist.  Working in the kitchen of all places.  And if you can describe Ben…  As best you can remember him, it will give us an idea of what he looks like now.  It would be very helpful… for the Resistance.  To have an accurate description.” 

Images of the last time she saw Kylo Ren’s face flashed through Rey’s mind.  It had been so close to hers.  And so full of a longing it had no right to have.  She shook her head ever so slightly.  “I don’t know that I’d be of any help…”  Rey’s cheeks colored as she lied.   “It was a long while ago.” 

“Anything would help, dear.  Please, it would mean so much to me.  And the cause.” 

Rey stared back, understanding that this was far more of a personal request than an official one.  She sighed, ready to relent, when Leia spoke up to sweeten the deal. 

“I would owe you.  Anything you want.” 

“…Anything?” Rey asked doubtfully. 

“Yes, anything.” 

  


///

  


“What is it?” 

Poe watched with concern as Finn paced back and forth in front of him as he lounged on one of the sofas in the common area.  It was a large space, and most everyone else was at work elsewhere on the base, but he did best to keep his voice low regardless. 

“Finn?” 

“It’s nothing.  It’s-” Finn paused his movements.  “It’s-” 

“-Not nothing,” Poe finished for him. 

Finn shook his head and started pacing again. 

“C’mon, man, it’s been days and I still have no idea what happened in there.  One minute you two are sparing like normal and the next…  You’re bleeding from the head and Rey’s locked herself away and won’t talk to anyone.” 

Finn fanned his hands out in a sign of disagreement.  “Nothing about that day was normal.  Nothing about Rey lately… is normal.” 

“Okay…” Poe furrowed his brow.  “So what does that-” 

“He did something to her,” Finn growled, cutting him off. 

“He-” 

“Kylo Ren.”  Finn tossed the words out spitefully.  “He _did_   something to Rey.” 

Poe glanced around the room nervously, checking to see if anyone was paying attention to their conversation.  “Did… what… exactly?” 

“I don’t know!” Finn shouted, gaining curious looks from around the room.  Poe looked at him disparagingly and Finn slid himself down onto the sofa and lowered his voice to a heated whisper as he continued.  “If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve done something to stop it?  I have no idea…  I just know that something is wrong with her and it’s his fault.” 

“That’s kind of… I mean, not really much to go on is it?” 

“Poe, come on.  You’ve seen it.  You’ve seen her temper, the way she’s pulled away from everyone.” 

“Well, yeah, but-” 

“-But what?” 

“It’s just that I didn’t know Rey all that well _before_   I started noticing the… defensiveness.  And frankly, neither did you.” 

“I _know_   her,” Finn corrected. 

“Did you?  I mean, did you really?  I know you guys went through a lot…  With Han, and all.  But I’m not sure that makes you an expert in her moods.  Or anything about her.” 

“Rey is my _friend_   and I know when something is wrong with _my friend._ ” 

“I’m not saying there’s nothing wrong… I’m just-” 

“What?” 

“I’m just saying it could be anything.  Maybe it’s just too much change for her.  How can you go your whole life on some desert wasteland, all alone, and then suddenly be thrown into a place like this, with everyone living on top of each other and constantly asking things of you…”  Poe stopped as Finn began shaking his head and reworked his argument.  “Or- Or maybe it’s a Jedi thing.  Or a not-Jedi force-user person thing.  We don’t know.” 

Finn stilled himself but retained the look of skepticism upon his face.  “I’m telling you… somehow, some way… _he_   has something to do with this.  I just know it.” 

Poe glanced around the room once more before whispering, “Look if you’re really sure about this… maybe you should go talk to the General.  See what she has to say about it.” 

Finn looked remorseful as he answered, “I can’t.  I was just in her office an hour ago and…  I don’t think she can see straight when it comes to him.” 

“She’s a General, Finn.  A leader.” 

“She’s also a mother… And a broken one, at that.” 

Poe clenched his jaw, not wanting to agree but being unable to counterargument. 

“The Admiral, then.  You should go to Admiral Statura.  Tell him your concerns.” 

Finn looked back at his comrade thoughtfully, knowing that it hurt him to suggest anything that might undermine General Organa even in the slightest.  “Are you sure?” 

Poe nodded.  “It’s the right thing to do.” 

  


///

  


“I struck him with a lightsaber.  From his right shoulder, up his neck and face, to just above his brow.” 

The artist, Pvt. Belsham as he was known on base, looked up from his datapad at Rey curiously.  “Right but, someone of his rank and… resources, surely would have had the injury repaired with little to no scarring though, would he not?” 

Rey blinked, remembering the way she’d slowly pulled Kylo’s mask from his face, revealing his lengthy scar.  ‘A reminder’, he’d called it. 

“No,” Rey corrected herself, “I suppose you’re right.” 

Belsham nodded and returned to his digital sketching, making adjustments and corrections as Rey continued giving details of Kylo Ren’s visage. 

She glanced over to her left, through the glass wall of the office and spotted Leia watching them as subtly as she could manage.  Once Belsham felt satisfied with his work he tapped the screen with a flourish and stood abruptly, startling Rey out of her chair as well.  He locked the stylus pen to the side of the data pad and passed it over to Rey as though it were nothing of importance. 

Rey thought she heard him say something as he exited the room, but she couldn’t say or care as to what.  Her eyes were transfixed upon the screen in her hands, an all too familiar face staring back. 

It was an incredible likeness, almost shocking in its accuracy, and Rey found herself surprised by how much of him she’d actually managed to describe. 

Every detail was so specific and lifelike, she half expected the image to suddenly blink its eyes.   Or open its mouth and tell her he was sorry. 

A gentle gasp from beside her broke Rey from her reverie and she turned to see Leia looking at the image of her son as though it were a ghost.  Almost reluctantly Rey handed the datapad over to her, feeling a sense of loss as soon as it left her fingers. 

Seconds that felt like hours passed by before Leia finally spoke and it was in a voice so timid you’d think she was worried she might frighten the drawing away. 

“I didn’t know that he’d look so…” 

“What?” Rey asked. 

“Handsome,” she answered. 

Rey gazed down at the man in question, unable to disagree. 

“I suppose I should have,” Leia continued.  “He was a lovely boy, if a bit gangly… although it seems he’s grown out of that.”  She compulsively dragged her fingers across the screen and her eyes grew sadder.   “There’s so much of his father there.” 

Rey pushed away the confusing feelings that rumbled in her gut at the sight of Kylo’s likeness and squared her shoulders.  She shifted her attention to Leia’s profile and after clearing her throat she cautiously asked, “And our agreement?” 

Leia lifted her head and looked Rey over with a thinly veiled mix of pity and concern.  “You’re certain?” 

“Yes,” Rey answered without hesitation. 

“Very well,” Leia relented.   “Go pack your bags.   I’ll put your paperwork through for the transfer tonight and you can catch a lift to the outpost first thing in the morning.” 

Rey nodded.   “Thank you, General.” 

Leia looked down again at the datapad in her hand.  “No,” she glanced back up at Rey, “Thank you.” 

Nodding carefully, Rey stole one last glance at the image of Kylo as she turned and exited the room. 

Leia watched her go before returning her attention to the datapad.  She reached up and tapped the right corner of the screen, reducing the image that Rey had produced to half-size and pairing it with the one she’d gotten from Finn earlier that day. 

They were of the same man, but only just. 

Whereas Finn’s depiction showed Kylo with fiery, hate-filled eyes and a perpetual snarl- Rey’s showed only sadness and longing in those same eyes; and a full, sensual mouth. 

Finn had described a too-large nose and an overly sharp jawline while Rey had painted Kylo with dramatic, but complementary facial features. 

Rey described thick, wavy locks of raven-colored hair and a constellation of beauty marks scattered across his skin.  Finn had missed those details entirely. 

Leia stared down at the two images, taking them both in with equal gravity. 

When she’d first looked upon the result of Finn’s session with Belsham she’d been heartbroken.  Not from familiarity of a son she hadn’t seen in so many years, but from the darkness of it.  Gone was the gentle boy she’d remembered, fierce like his mother and charming like his father.  In his place this other person.  This fractured soul.  Filled with a kind of hate that Leia knew he hadn’t produced without influence. 

She thought for certain her son must be gone.  Lost forever to that which stole and corrupted him. 

But then, she thought maybe, there was still hope.  She’d seen it before in Rey’s eyes.  Heard it in her voice. 

And now, with concrete evidence held in her hands… Leia knew. 

Rey had found her son. 

Her Ben. 

And was likely the only person who could bring him home. 

  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2cojuko)

[ full res poster via tumblr](https://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/image/166627700609)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There aren't enough apologetic words in the English language for me to make up for how long this chapter took to come together. I can only say that my life has not allowed for me to devote the time to writing this as it did when I first started, and the only thing that brought me back at all was the feedback and messages from you wonderful folk. I really really really didn't want to let you guys down or leave you hanging, and there is so much more to this story I want to tell (and a lot of it has already been written). I might try to find a compromise of writing shorter chapters or something... But honestly, I'm shit at that. Been longwinded since the day I was born. But... I don't know. I want to figure something out.  
> Please forgive me and please please please give me your feeback. It's literally the only thing that keeps me writing. <3
> 
> PS Photobucket apparently doesn't want to let me share my posters on this site anymore so... yeah. Once I get that sorted I'll update this chapter with the image. And fix all the other links that are now broken. But I can't do it right now. Cause it's late and I'm a little drunk. Photobucket can eat a bag of dicks.


	12. Exile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben flashback picks up from chapter 9 / Kylo current story from the early part of chapter 11. god bless all of you still managing to follow these plotlines even when I'm updating so sporadically.

  
  
  


_~previously~_

_Ben looked down at the furious visage of his father, seeing the redness of his cheeks and the way the vein on his forehead throbbed, and though he wanted to feel some sense of accomplishment or warped pride at the sight… he was disappointed to discover that he felt nothing._

_Knowing that even as his fingers twitched around the throttle there was little hope the stubborn elder Solo would willingly get out of the way, Ben made purposeful eye contact, unsettling enough in its emptiness that Han felt compelled to drop to the ground just as the Falcon nearly took his head off._

  


_The Falcon creaked and groaned under the storm’s pressure and high velocity winds, and its impromptu pilot found himself hoping that this would finally be the day that his father’s beloved ship succumbed to its age._

  


_Spotting the jagged peaks of the mountain range that lay a several miles ahead Ben began wondering if that had been his intended destination all along. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and slowly released his quivering grip on the controls. The ship continued ripping through the sky, having no sentient ability to recognize its own impending doom._

_He’d been counting the passing seconds under his breath, when a familiar voice whispered furiously in the back of Ben’s mind, steadying his hands but sending a sheen of cold sweat rolling down the back of his neck._

_‘How dare you forsake all that I have offered you.’_

_Ben’s eyes shot open and he grabbed the stick, pulling up as fast as he could, but not fast enough to avoid clipping the mountainside, sending the Falcon into a tailspin._

_Any attempt to control the descent was futile, and Ben braced himself as the ship crash landed into the dense mountain forest, unable to avoid injury to either himself or the vessel._

  


_The voice was withholding as it communed with the boy, speaking minimally and allowing the dishonored apprentice to fill space in the conversation with apologies and confessions of his own inadequacies._

_Ben remained there on his knees, murmuring desperate pleas for forgiveness, right up until his parents finally found him._

_It had taken them two days._

  
  


///

  
  


In the month following Ben’s ill-fated joyride in the Millennium Falcon, two things happened. 

The first was that his uncle Luke had arrived on the Solo family ranch, ending an absence of over two years.  And the second, was that a decision had been made. 

The necessity for Luke’s return was two-fold.   To start, he was to use his Force abilities to help retrieve the Falcon from the clutches of a mountainside forest. 

And then, as was agreed upon with his sister and brother-in-law, he was to take their son away. 

Ben would train as Luke’s padawan and assist him in assembling a new Jedi order by collecting Force-sensitives from around the galaxy and taking them to a central location. 

They were likely to be gone for several years. 

The time had come for Ben to depart with his wayward uncle, the days preceding it having been filled with expletive-laden repairs on a worser for wear spacecraft; half-hearted compromises; and a surprising lack of argument from Ben regarding his future. 

As the details had been laid out before him over a series of stilted family dinners, the teenager had sat silent, his head hung forward, only making eye contact when it was insisted upon.  Leia fretted over his response each night as she and Han retired to their room, begging her husband for assurances he didn’t know how to give. 

Luke had spent most of his time carefully observing the boy who now towered over him by several inches and seemed to be dragging a perpetual cloud of darkness wherever he went.  It was a far cry from the clever and spritely nephew he last remembered. 

Luke had decided they would depart just before dusk, perhaps wanting to save them all from yet another tortuously tense meal, and Ben had been told to spend the day packing his room. 

Leia had passed by his door at least once an hour, wanting desperately to check on him, but only making it so far as resting her fingertips upon the doorknob before shuffling away again. 

Han, for his part, had refused to even step inside the house. 

The sound of Luke’s shuttle engines wafting through Ben’s bedroom window caused the teen to look up and squint angrily at the cracks of light that filtered through his blinds. 

It was the first movement he had made since sitting down in the middle of his floor early that morning. 

Empty bags and boxes lay strewn around him, not a single item having been removed from a shelf or unhooked from the closet. 

He dug his blunt fingernails into the caps of his knees and gritted his teeth until his jaw began to throb. 

They were getting rid of him.  His own parents.

It wasn’t enough anymore for them to just be absent all the time, leaving him at home. 

They wanted him gone. 

They didn’t _want him_   at all. 

_‘I do,’_ a shivering voice whispered in the back of his mind. 

_‘I’ve always wanted you.’_

_‘I will never abandon you.’_

_‘Or forsake you.’_

_‘I’ve waited lifetimes for you.’_

_‘I love you.’_

Ben let out an anguished, guttural cry and within seconds every unpacked, neglected possession that he owned was hovering in the air.  Whole pieces of furniture joined clothing and knik-knacks and mementos as they vibrated in the atmosphere of the room. 

Ben sat unmoved, legs still crossed and hands still bruising his own flesh, as the objects around him began to spin.   They careened wildly like debris in a tornado, denting the walls and splintering the glass of his window, causing enough of a ruckus to bring Takoda crashing through the locked door in a panic. 

“Ben!” he cried out but was ignored. 

“Ben, please!” 

Through the roaring torrent of the destruction he was causing, Ben heard Takoda’s muffled voice begging him to stop.  To calm himself.  To let go. 

But he couldn’t. 

It was a minute that felt like an hour later when Takoda managed to dash through the mayhem, sliding onto his knees behind the curled up form of his charge, and reaching out to grasp him. 

“Ben.”  His voice was much clearer now. 

“Ben, it’s all right.  You have to stop.  Ben, please.” 

The teen turned his head just enough to lock his eyes with Takoda’s, seeing the genuine fear and compassion that shone through them. 

Ben stared back at the family servant, noting the early signs of wrinkles beginning to form on his weathered face, and the hints of grey hair sprouting out above his ears.  A man of forty-eight years and steady employ, he easily could’ve retired to a life of comfort by now, but had chosen not to. 

Takoda had been there since Ben’s birth.  Caring, guiding, and comforting him.  Takoda had bandaged cuts, praised accomplishments, and wiped away tears.  Takoda had loved him. 

Everything came crashing down. 

Ben turned, burying himself in Takoda’s embrace, and began to weep. 

His caregiver soothed him, running a hand over his head and offering gentle words of encouragement. 

Takoda promised that Ben would be okay.  That this wouldn’t be the end of him, but a new beginning.  That he was meant for far greater things then his parents’ ranch had to offer.  That this was his destiny.  And that he and Ben would not be apart for long. 

Once he’d released enough of his anguish and managed to collect himself Ben stood, helping Takoda up along with him.  He grimaced upon seeing the trail of blood running down the man’s cheek, caused by his recklessness and Takoda’s bravery. 

“I’m so sorry-” Ben reached out but Takoda was quick to dismiss his concerns. 

“It’s nothing.”  He wiped at the cut with the back of his hand.  “I would give you far more than a little blood, my child.” 

Ben’s face crumpled and he pulled Takoda into a crushing embrace, wrinkling the elegant man’s attire and croaking out a goodbye before wearily pulling himself away. 

He left Takoda, his belongings, and the only room he’d ever lived in behind and marched down the sweeping hallways of the ranch house one last time.  With each step he grew more confident, more determined, and more grateful for being sent away. 

The air here had become suffocating and he couldn’t bear to breathe it in a second longer. 

Ben strode through the front doors of the house with a determined look upon his face; the last vestiges of redness in his cheeks fading into the warm glow of the sunset that stretched across the valley. 

He spotted his parents, uncle, and Chewie a few yards from Luke’s ship where it sat in idle. 

The four of them were standing as a unit when he first began approaching but their conversation quickly ceased, and almost as though they’d planned it, they strategically broke apart so that they could each intercept him one at a time. 

Leia went first. 

Stepping up to meet him, she wondered when it was that she began having to crane her neck in order to look upon her son’s face.  Or more worryingly, when it was that she first noticed a stranger staring back. 

Leia reached up to cup Ben’s cheeks but hesitated at the coldness in his eyes, leaving her hands hovering in the air for a moment before she dropped them back down to her sides. 

“You know I love you, right?” she pleaded, seeming genuinely unsure of the answer. 

Ben shrugged and shifted his gaze away. 

Leia huffed in frustration and reached out to him with a closed fist, managing to punch him in the chest and yank him into an embrace simultaneously. 

“I love you so much.”  Her words came out muffled as she growled them into Ben’s shirt.  He considered hugging her back, but only made it as far as placing a hand upon her shoulder. 

Eventually he used it to push her away. 

Determinedly Ben moved ahead.  Away from his mother’s grasp, her heartbreak, and the doubts she had in her own resoluteness. 

Leia turned to watch over her shoulder as the lanky form of her child was stopped dead in its tracks by Han. 

Not an impressive man in stature, his teen nearly matching him in height, Han nonetheless held a kind of undeniable gravitas.  Leia noted that there wasn’t much that could halt Ben’s footsteps if he didn’t want it to, and the mountainous presence of his father was a rare exception. 

Han reached back to loop his thumbs into the waistband of his trousers, looking into the face of his son and searching desperately for a way to make this not feel like the worst decision he’d ever made in a life comprised almost entirely of poor decisions. 

“It’s only temporary, kid,” he placated unconvincingly. 

Ben used the glare of the setting sun as an excuse to avoid eye contact and agreed even less convincingly.  “Yeah.  Sure.” 

“Some time with Luke’ll be good for you.  Maybe… I don’t know, maybe he can help you in ways your mother and I can’t.” 

Ben’s gaze shifted sharply to the face of his father, piercing in their resentment.  “I never asked you for _help,”_   he gritted through his teeth. 

Han sighed and gave a small shake of his head.  “Yeah I think maybe that’s what worried me the most…” 

Ben’s mouth twisted into a cruel smile and he shook his head in return.  “Well you don’t have to worry any more, old man…  I’ll go be someone else’s problem now.” 

“Son-” Han reached out to grab him by the arm but Ben shook off his grasp and moved past him, growing angrier with each step. 

Sloppily laced boots dug deeply into the red earth and long, pale fingers clenched tightly at his sides.  Deep down Ben knew this was a place he’d never return to.  He felt his previous life… his previous self… begin to slide off him as though he were shedding his skin and starting anew. 

He spots Chewie up ahead.  Sweet loyal Chewie.  And he wants to say goodbye but can’t bear it. 

He gets closer and the towering Wookie holds long arms out to hug him, but Ben is too furious, too wounded, and doesn’t want to be touched anymore. 

Ben ducks away, not even gracing the de facto family member with a proper goodbye, and it’s the second time he’s felt truly guilty today.  Chewie growls mournfully, calling out to Ben’s retreat and promising “We’ll meet again someday, Little Ben.” 

Luke is waiting for him on the ramp. 

Frowning as he watched Ben’s approach, noting his empty hands with concern.   “Where are your bags?” 

Ben reached the ramp and stomped past him without hesitation, sparing not a single backwards glance at everything that he was leaving behind. 

“There’s nothing for me here now.” 

  


///

  


The sharp clack of General Hux’s boots moving swiftly down the halls of the Finalizer served as the only warning of his approach.   Officers and troopers alike having to duck out of the way at the last second, lest they be bowled over by a flurry of black wool and copper hair. 

Hux took pleasure in the look of panic that flashed across his subordinate’s faces, and in the dull thud of stormtrooper armor hitting the walls as they cleared a path for him, but he had no time to revel in it as he hurried to his intended destination. 

It was only when he finally reached the secluded training room and its heavy double doors that Hux slowed his steps and felt the slightest sense of uncertainty take hold. 

He’d been so invigorated at the opportunity to give Kylo new information that he failed to consider one’s propensity for shooting the messenger.  Welcome information though it might conceivably be, the topic itself was still something of an open wound.  But then what about Kylo Ren wasn’t these days? 

Hux took a deep breath and pushed himself into the cavernous room, his attention immediately settling on the figure sitting cross-legged in the middle of it. 

At first glance Kylo appeared to be meditating and Hux made sure to keep his steps silent.  But upon closer inspection he could see just the barest hint of movement in Kylo’s lips and realized that he was talking to someone. 

Words spoken like a low whisper, gentle and comely.  Hux did his best to guess at their nature, almost swearing he saw Kylo’s mouth pucker together to form the word ‘sweetheart’.  And then, most astoundingly, it shifted into a smile. 

The unmistakable feeling of having just interrupted something very private washed over Hux and the resulting emotions ranged somewhere between embarrassment and envy. 

What secret thought was it that brought the stoic knight this moment of unguarded pleasure?  What distant place was it that he felt so at ease? 

Hux coughed, breaking Kylo’s trance and launching him back into reality. 

The look of disappointment on his face was hard to miss. 

“What is it?” he asked with very little curiosity, rising to his feet and reaching up to push the hair from his forehead. 

Hux stepped forward, eager to replace Kylo’s ambivalence towards his arrival with gratitude.  “I have news.  About the men who attacked your estate and went after Uncas.” 

Kylo instantly matched Hux’s approach, leaving only an arm’s length between them.  “Tell me,” he demanded. 

“Two bodies washed up on the South bank of the lake, badly decomposed, but I had my investigators ascertain their identities through dental records.  It would appear that they were each recently under your employ… one as a groundskeeper, and the other a transpo pilot that made supply deliveries.” 

Kylo grunted, force-grabbing a rack of weapons across the room before slamming it into a wall.  Any object that wasn’t made of metal instantly shattered and those that were became bent and twisted beyond repair. 

Hux flinched, and did his best to steady his voice as he continued.  “My investigators believe, as I do, that these men were likely paid for information regarding Uncas… and then disposed of once they were no longer needed.” 

Kylo hung his head forward, lying his chin to rest upon his collarbone and causing that same stray lock of hair to fall back in front of his eyes. 

“It’s my fault,” he murmured. “I should have been there.  I should have been watching more closely.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Hux soothed, wanting desperately to reach out to him. 

“I got them killed,” Kylo insisted, his voice rumbling with grief. 

“Uncas is alive-” 

“The others-” 

_“Servants?”_   Hux questioned dismissively. 

Kylo’s eyes shot up.  “Takoda,” he corrected.  “Miles.  Yuniek.  Eveleen.”  He squared his shoulders and leaned towards Hux predatorially.  “You think I’d leave my son with just anyone?  They _died_   for him.” 

Hux lowered his eyes away from Kylo’s penetrating stare.  “Forgive me.” 

Kylo moved away, dragging a hand through his hair to keep it from shaking. 

“The pilot,” he spoke steadily through his turmoil.  “Did you recover his ship?” 

“Abandoned.  At a nearby airfield.” 

“I need its flight recorder.” 

“Of course-”

“Now,” Kylo interrupted him. 

Hux raised his chin.  “I’ll have the data sent to your quarters.” 

“My ship,” he corrected.  “I’ll be leaving at once.” 

Hux sighed.  “I don’t suppose I could at least persuade you to take a larger craft?   Your command shuttle- and a crew?” 

“No,” Kylo was already moving towards the doors.  “I can’t sit here waiting anymore.  I’m going to follow this lead until there’s nothing left.” 

“And Uncas?” Hux called after him, accusingly.  “You’re just going to leave him again?  For how long?” 

Kylo stopped and turned back towards Hux in frustration. 

“I’m doing this _for_   him.” 

“He doesn’t know that.” Hux surprised himself by having such resolve when it came to the child’s well-being. 

Kylo noticed it too.  “I need to know who did this.” 

“More than a boy needs his father?” 

Kylo’s face darkened. 

“I managed without one.” 

Leaving no space for Hux to reply Kylo turned away again, pulling his mask on as he exited through the doors. 

Hux rolled his head over his shoulder, looking back at the destruction in the corner of the room. 

“Yes, and you turned out just fine…” 

  
  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=24pm06f)

[ full res poster via tumblr](https://yes-my-darling.tumblr.com/image/171034243994)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even have words for how humbled I am to still be getting comments, kudos, and messages after this long of an absence, but make no mistake it's the reason I'm still writing. I won't bore you with the details of why I've been too busy to update lately (moved apartments! didn't have internet! mild heartbreak!) but I'm doing my best to stick with this and I hope I can do you all proud.  
> I was worried prior to seeing Last Jedi that it would make my post-TFA fic sort of irrelvent and thought that might cause me to call it quits, but I was quite shocked to realize that there are a great many similarities between TLJ and this fic I've been writing for over a year now and I think it actually bolstered rather than discouraged me. This Will Destroy You will still technically be a post-TFA fic but TLJ may have a slight influence, especially because I've already written some stuff that was in line with the sequel (me and Rian Johnson, over here sharing a brain I guess).  
> I cut off this chapter sooner than I'd intended if only because I really really wanted to post an update so it's a bit shorter than usual and I'll most likely pick up right were I left off in the next one. But we'll see.  
> Thanks beyond words to everyone who has stuck with me and this story YOU ARE AMAZING. Thank you to the new readers that have joined recently and took the time to leave some super inspiring feedback YOU'RE AWESOME. And a special thanks to **blackeyedlily** who messaged me frequently thoughout my absence with nothing but love and encouragement YOU'RE THE BEST.  
>  Until next time. xoxo YesMyDarling


	13. Peril

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still salty there was no KoR or cliff scene in TLJ *twirls* so I made this...

  
  
  


Rey awoke on her seventh day on the remote Resistance base Leia had arranged for her to be sent to, still fighting the urge to be surprised by her unfamiliar surroundings.  The base was located in a perpetually stormy oceanside region of a small water-based moon that reminded Rey of Luke’s island on Ach To, only angrier.  It was a strange, unhospitable place, but the change of scenery was welcome nonetheless. 

The nervous tension and simmering discomfort Rey had felt back on D’Qar had only dissipated minimally, but the absence of familiar, prying eyes proved to be a comfort just the same. 

Rey had snuck off in the haze of an early morning transpo run, avoiding goodbyes and the questions that would accompany them, and found herself surprised at the lack of guilt she’d felt over her clandestine departure. 

Leia would fill in the necessary details for those that inquired and ultimately, Rey decided, they would all come to realize they were better off without her there. 

After getting dressed Rey’s morning routine culminated in what it always did, a thoughtful moment of sitting on her bed, staring at the metal box she kept on her nightstand. 

It creaked softly as she reached out to open it, revealing the lightsaber hilt that lay inside. 

Rey hadn’t touched it since she landed on the base and frankly didn’t intend to. 

_‘Don’t ever let me catch you without a lightsaber again.’_

Rey wondered how long it would take to forget the sound of his voice. 

She slammed the box shut and hurried out of the room. 

Across the half-abandoned compound Rey entered the central operations of the base, its morning crew already busy at work.  To her right she spotted the commanding officer, Major Lennox, hunched over a datapanel as he micromanaged the Resistance fighter assigned to it. 

His dark eyes flashed to the side, catching Rey in his peripheral vision.  She was about to greet him and the others but didn’t get the chance as the Major suddenly spoke first. 

“No,” he dryly stated without preamble or context. 

Rey glanced over her shoulder to be certain she was the person Lennox was addressing before responding hesitantly.  “…Sorry?” 

“No,” he spoke again, not pausing in the calculated finger flicks he made across the screen in front of him. 

“No- what?” Rey asked, beginning to get annoyed. 

Lennox finally stood and turned his body the exact minimum amount necessary to be able to give Rey his withering attention.  “No, we haven’t heard anything about Kylo Ren.”  Rey gulped in discomfort as Lennox droned on disdainfully.  “In the six hours that you have been off-shift, we have heard nothing about his movements, of any orders being passed down from him, and nor has he been spotted on any planet… or any moon… in any system… in this galaxy.” 

Rey had to suck the meat of her cheeks into her mouth and bite down hard to keep herself from responding to the Major’s brazen condescension.  It was not the time or place to let her pride get the best of her.  Rey was an outsider on this base, and the shifty looks she was receiving from around the room reminded her of such. 

“Thank you,” she gritted out between clenched teeth, not wanting to admit to herself that the question he was preemptively responding to had, in fact, been at the forefront of her thoughts.  Kylo had been a ghost for far too long, first in Rey’s consciousness and now it would seem- across the galaxy, and it was turning her into an anxious mess. 

Major Lennox returned to his work, leaving Rey to stand there awkwardly and the room itself to linger in an uneasy silence. 

Attempting to dispel some of the social discomfort a burly, red-haired man- Collins, Rey thought his name was- stood and cleared his throat.  Addressing no one in particular he announced that he would be heading out to do the morning perimeter sweep. 

Before Collins could even so much as get his coat on however, Lennox interrupted him, his face buried in yet another subordinate’s workstation. 

“Rey can do it,” he stated resolutely, not even bothering to look up. 

Collins shot Rey an apologetic look and she softly shook her head at him.  She tossed a silent but hateful glare at the back of Lennox’s skull before grabbing a heavy parka from the rack by the doorway and heading back out towards the exit. 

Grumbling to herself as she struggled to pull the oversized rainwear around her slight frame, Rey felt the chill of the outside air on her face before she’d even reached the bay doors. 

  


  


///

  


_~~Four Days Previous~~_

Hux shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, the strain of so many 18 hour days finally taking their toll on even the most eagerly overworked general in the First Order. 

Sheepishly glancing over his shoulder Hux spotted the edge of the table behind him and moving covertly he edged his way towards it until he felt it hit the back of his thighs. 

Waiting a brief second longer while glancing nervously around the empty room, Hux finally relented and bent his legs just enough to rest his body weight upon the cool steel tabletop. 

The relief of all the building pressure being taken off his feet was near orgasmic and Hux felt his mouth drop open as he closed his eyes in reverence. 

Whether it was seconds or minutes that passed by he couldn’t say, but it ended all too soon and with a sudden panic as Snoke’s twisted timber resonated throughout the room. 

Hux shot to his feet as if the table were made of burning coals and the pain in his feet was quickly drowned out by the thundering of his heart. 

“S-Supreme Leader,” he greeted the giant hologram face before him, grimacing at the nervous crack in his voice.  “You summoned me?” 

Snoke’s eyelids hung heavy upon his twisted face as he regarded his subordinate with thinly veiled annoyance.  “Only because I failed to make contact with my apprentice.  Where is he?” 

Hux fought the urge to be insulted at Snoke’s obvious favoritism and instead focused on not making any more waves than Kylo had already saw fit to leave in his wake. 

“Away, Sir.  On an… investigatory mission.” 

Snoke stared back the General, none too pleased with the young officer’s flowery euphemisms. 

“It’s this nonsense with the child, isn’t it?” he groused. 

Hux’s mouth grew dry and a sickly taste formed at the back of his throat.  He spoke carefully. 

“Ren had reason to believe there was an ongoing threat to our progress in conquering the destabilized regions and saw fit to handle it himself.  I believe he is working in the First Order’s best interest.” 

Snoke’s brow rose where his eyebrow ought to have been and even Hux had to admit that his sudden unwavering support of Kylo’s erratic decision-making was something of a hard left from his usual disapproving fare. 

The hologram of Snoke’s visage shrank ever so slightly, signifying that he had settled further back in his chair.  Hux took this as a good sign and proceeded to fill the Supreme Leader in on their recent acquisitions, mergers, and take-overs.  He was proud of all that they’d accomplished in recent months and couldn’t help but reach out to Snoke for a metaphysical attaboy. 

Snoke, however, was not in a giving mood. 

“What of the Resistance?” he questioned instead, shifting the conversation to one where Hux had less to brag about. 

“What of them, Sir?  They are depleated.  Cowed.  Their base of operations might as well be a refugee camp.” 

“And yet they persist,” Snoke leveled at Hux, his annoyance evident in every syllable.  “These rebels are a pestilence.  A plague.  Control of the galaxy means nothing if you continue to ignore their cancer and allow it to grow.” 

General Hux’s eyelashes fluttered uncertainly.  “What would you suggest, Supreme Leader?” 

Snoke sighed, both inconvenienced and thrilled at the need for his intervention. 

“Continue with your efforts to build our empire and bring new planets into the fold, but in addition you must also seek out the furthest strains of the Resistance scourge… Find the weakest branches, _and **snap** them off_.” 

Hux nodded gravely.  “We can’t send just any Stormtrooper battalion to do such delicate work, but perhaps I could assemble a team of specialized soldiers-” 

“The Knights of Ren,”  Snoke drawled, sounding bored.  “Surely they can be put to use.”

Hux swallowed a small lump in his throat and answered nervously.  “I… I don’t know.  I don’t have access to their whereab-”

“I will send them to you,”  Snoke interrupted.  “They should be more than adequate for your needs.” 

Hux began shifting his weight again and tried to adopt the least insolate tone he could manage whilst voicing his concerns.  “Perhaps, Supreme Leader, we should wait until Ren’s return before usurping control of _his_   Knights-” 

**“I am Supreme Leader of this galaxy** and what _belongs_   to Kylo Ren belongs _to me,”_   Snoke thundered back at him.   “You will do as I say at once.  It’s time we speed things along and for my _apprentice_   to return to his training.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”  Hux bowed his head forward, in part to hide the panic he knew was swimming in his eyes. 

“See that it’s done, General.” 

The room crackled with energy as Snoke’s hologram dissipated and Hux released the breath that he’d been unknowingly holding onto.  He raised his eyes heavenward and silently begged for his errant counterpart’s swift return. 

  


///

  


The towering form of Kylo Ren sat unrecognized at the edge of a dark hanger, his broad shoulders slouched beneath an invisible weight and his lengthy limbs collapsed inwards like a broken piece of lawn furniture. 

Beneath the shadow of his hood the Knight’s handsome face was twisted in thought, muddled with uncertainty. 

His journey had been long and fraught with false leads but ultimately Kylo had found what he was searching for.   More or less. 

But the answers he’d so doggedly sought out did not bring Kylo comfort.  Or resolution. 

The need for vengeance on behalf of his child and those that died protecting him still burned relentlessly in Kylo’s belly, only now it was coupled with the resentment of lost time.   He’d been away from Uncas far longer than he would have preferred, and the absence of Rey’s familiar voice had left a void in his mind and an ache in his chest. 

The nasal clicking of the yellow-skinned humanoid delivering Kylo’s light interceptor from storage pulled him from his thoughts and with a noticeable groan the Knight pulled himself to his feet and paid the creature before making his way to his ship. 

He brushed his hand affectionately against the worn metal hull of the craft before moving to climb inside the cockpit, the familiarity of the plush pilot’s seat providing comfort to his exhausted body. 

As he primed the engine for takeoff Kylo noted the bright orange comm light blinking at him aggressively from the left side of the panel and rolled his eyes in amusement as he imagined the pestering messages from Hux he’d likely have to entertain him on his flight back to the Finalizer. 

With his ship ready to go and an all-clear wave from the ground crew, Kylo wasted no time flying out through the open bay doors of the hangar and breaking through the dusky pink of the planet’s atmosphere.  He was going home. 

Home to hold his son in his arms. 

And home to reach out to Rey once again, hoping she’d forgive him for his sudden and lengthy absence. 

  


///

  


“Why… is this… _like this?”_   Rey gritted out through her teeth angrily, using her full body weight to try and yank the perimeter sensor back in place. 

The outdated technology and machinery scattered around the base was only made worse by the sempiternal and rust-inducing moisture in the air, resulting in hours of laborious repairs on every morning sweep of the compound. 

Cursing Major Lennox, his mother, and the land upon which he was born, Rey pulled from every bit of strength she had inside her, ultimately needing to draw from the Force in order to shove the degraded durasteel back into its proper position. 

She let out a heavy exhale in reluctant satisfaction, stepping back to admire her handiwork- _seconds_   before the sensor roared to life. 

Rey was momentarily stunned by the flashing of dozens of red lights and triggering of a siren that came blaring out of every loudspeaker across the base.  She whipped her head around in confusion, wondering for a moment if she’d somehow broken the thing.  If this was her fault and Lennox would likely never let her hear the end of it. 

But then…  She saw it. 

Saw _him._

The unmistakable bat-like wings of Kylo’s command shuttle came piercing through the dark clouds, like an angel of death come down to visit them. 

Rey stared up in shock, in awe, so much like she had that first time on Takodana. 

The first time they’d met. 

It took the blasting of the shuttle’s ion cannons knocking out the East wing of the base to break Rey from her stupor. 

“No…” she breathed fearfully.   _The crew…_

Rey dropped the toolbelt from around her waist and broke out in a sprint, begging her legs to get her there in time.  To save them.  To stop Kylo from doing this. 

It wasn’t long before the weight and stifling heat of the parka Rey was wearing became a burden and she ripped it off her, casting it aside without missing a single step. 

She had to get there.  She had to stop him. 

_Why was he here?  Did he know Rey was on this base?_

_Had he come for her?_

The command shuttle got two more good hits on the base before their rickety counter-defense weapons finally grumbled to life, firing a hail mary shot that managed to clip the invading craft’s side. 

Rey’s stride faltered at the sight of the blast and she scrambled to stay afoot, her sprint becoming a jog for the few steps it took to regain her balance and momentum. 

_She didn’t care.  She didn’t care.  She didn’t care._

The Upsilon-class shuttle dipped wildly towards its injured side, ultimately settling to the ground in a rough but successful emergency landing.  Rey saw the ship’s ramp begin to lower out of the corner of her eye but refused to give it her full attention.  She was nearly to the command center now and she didn’t want to risk seeing anything that would deter her. 

And Kylo Ren was nothing if not a deterrent for Rey doing what she really ought to do. 

Rey’s footsteps echoed loudly in the corridor as she made her way back into the building, it was quieter now that the First Order shuttle had ceased its aerial assault.  And that could only mean one thing. 

She glanced back over her shoulder, once, to see if he was behind her yet before scrambling into the crumbling room ahead. 

There were casualties, that was the first thing she saw.  Bodies lay strewn across the floor, half buried in rubble.  Others had died still sitting at their posts.  Rey felt sick to her stomach. 

“Where have you been?” Lennox hollered at her. 

Rey gaped back at him, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

“The sensor.  Why didn’t it work? _We had no warning-“_

“I- it was, I was trying to-“ 

“Now isn’t the time,” Collins interrupted not unkindly.  “Grab yourself a blaster, Rey.  They’ll be moving in on foot now.” 

Rey fumbled at the empty belt wrapped around her waist.  “No, I need- I need my--”

Rey was unable to finish the sentence as a blast came barreling through the door, tossing her against the wall and nearly knocking her unconscious. 

Through heavy eyelids and the blood dripping down from her forehead Rey could just barely make out the red beam of light as it swung madly around the room, making short work of the Resistance fighters still left alive. 

_No…_ Rey tipped forward, gripping the cracked duracrete floor with shaking hands as she desperately tried to climb to her feet.   _Stop…_

Her ears were still ringing from the explosion and the sounds of blaster fire and lightsaber movements all blended together in a deafening cacophony. 

Rey didn’t even realize she was yelling until the sounds of battle came to a halt. 

**_“Kylo, stop!”_**

Collins looked up at her from the floor twenty feet away.  His expression veering wildly between fear, shock, and mistrust. 

The man in black standing over him froze. 

He turned, slow and deliberate, keeping his weapon trained on Collins’ neck. 

Rey blinked, lifting a hand to smear the blood from her face. 

It wasn’t his saber. 

The right color.  But… wrong.  Too smooth.  Too steady. 

It wasn’t Kylo. 

The wave of relief that fluttered through Rey’s stomach was quickly replaced by fear. 

_It wasn’t Kylo._

The man looking over his shoulder at her had a face like a grenade. 

He wore a heavy wool overcoat wrapped asymmetrically over his body armor and a large blaster holster protruded from his left side.  Upon closer inspection Rey could now see that the saber in this man’s hand was not a saber at all, but rather some kind of short, flat blade electro-sword. 

“Who are you?” his disinterested voice came grumbling through his mask, pulling Rey’s attention away from the pulsing red light hovering near Collin’s frightened face. 

“I’m…  I’m uh-” 

_“Rey get down!”_

Rey threw herself down just as Major Lennox fired a blaster shot at the masked man, clipping him in the shoulder. 

The man was quick to fire back with his sidepiece, killing the Major instantly as Rey watched on in horror.  Before she could try and stop him Collins shot to his feet, throwing himself at the intruder in a desperate attempt to disarm him. 

“Run, Rey!  Get out of here!”  The moment the words had left his mouth Collins was dispatched as well, the red electro-sword slicing him fatally across the chest. 

She didn’t hesitate. 

Rey was not normally the running kind, but there was no other choice.  She was unarmed, and alone. 

And so she ran. 

Sprinting down the corridor without looking back Rey frantically tried to come up with a plan.  There was no way she could make it to her quarters and retrieve her lightsaber before him catching up with her and so she headed outside instead.  Perhaps she could use the unforgiving landscape and hostile weather to her advantage.  And maybe she wasn’t important enough for him to bother following anyway. 

Bursting out of the doorway Rey didn’t give a second thought to the downpour that had begun outside, coming down like a dam in the sky had broken, it managed to drench her to the bone in seconds.  Her attention was much more focused on the command shuttle, _Kylo’s shuttle, she had thought_   as the two pilots inside scrambled for the controls, seemingly shocked that anyone had escaped the massacre inside the base. 

Diving behind a pile of cargo crates Rey just barely avoided being hit by the shuttle’s cannons, the explosion sending shrapnel out from her location like a deadly firework.  As quickly as she could manage she scrambled up to her hands and feet, running ahead in a crouched position, taking cover where she could.  Out of the corner of her eye she spotted the masked man casually exiting the doors she’d frantically fled from, clearly deciding to hang back so as not to be caught in the crossfire. 

It gave her time enough to run to a nearby utility shed, using its durasteel walls for cover as she ducked inside and quickly searched for a weapon.  Finding a small caliber blaster Rey counted her blessings that at least it wasn’t a wooden stick or some kind of yard equipment and scurried back out into the open. 

The masked man had moved closer, likely having told the shuttle pilots to let him handle the errant survivor.  Rey holstered the blaster and took off in a sprint, hearing the contact of a shot hitting a rock wall just as she passed behind it. 

She did her best to use the compound’s terrain as means to slowing her pursuer but was frustrated to see him consistently not far behind. 

Realizing that the man was unlikely to give up in his pursuit Rey hurriedly sought out coverage as she decided to stand her ground and confront him face to face.  She waited until he was close enough to take a shot at, clenching her fist around the handle of her blaster as the distance between them dwindled. 

Sensing that his target had gone into hiding the man in black moved against the nearest rock wall, limiting his exposure.  He began moving slower, taking the time to search his surroundings. 

Rey was grateful for the heavy rain that camouflaged the sound of her nervous breathing, but less so when it caused a small mudslide that suddenly yanked her from concealment. 

The man took a shot at her but missed and Rey, much to even her own amazement, managed to return fire and hit the blaster right out of his hand.  The man glanced back momentarily at the busted weapon before turning back to Rey as he unsheathed his vibrating electro-sword. 

Rey scrambled backwards, struggling to get purchase on the slude-covered ground and get her feet back under her again. 

The man followed at a boldly unhurried pace. 

“Who are you?” his voice was a growl slipping between the sheets of rain. 

Rey didn’t answer but managed to stand, eyes darting around in search of an escape route and seeing very little of promise. 

“What do you know of my Master?  That you dare speak his name with such familiarity?” 

“Your master…”  Rey’s brow furrowed as she began to understand.  “Kylo Ren is your master?  You’re… you’re one of his Knights?” 

“What do you know of him _girl?”_   he demanded, taking another step forward. 

Rey moved back, fearful, but bolstered by this information. 

“You cannot harm me.  Kylo wouldn’t allow it.” 

A hearty and somewhat maniacal belly laugh rolled through the Knight’s body and he lowered his electro-sword slightly but kept it in hand. 

“Oh it that so?” he shook his head incredulously.  “Tell me, little scrappling, what interest could the mighty Kylo Ren have in a _nothing_   insurgent like you?” 

Rey felt the edge of doubt creeping in, thinking of how long it had been since they’d spoken.  How suddenly he had left her without a word.  Perhaps the Knight was accurate in his disbelief. 

But no, Rey told herself.  Kylo had saved her.  Kylo had protected her.  Kylo would kill for her. 

Rey lifted her chin regally, ignoring the rain as it pelted against her face. 

“Ask him if you don’t believe me.” 

The Knight huffed. 

“And what would he say if I did?” 

Rey took a deep breath before answering.  “He’d tell you to beg for forgiveness for ever having laid a finger on me.” 

The Knight tilted his head in response, regarding Rey through the dark slit in his mask. 

“So that’s it then?  You expect me to believe he… cares for you.  Treasures you.” 

The Knight laughed again, softer and almost pitying this time. 

“Listen _girl,_   I’ve known Kylo Ren since I was seventeen years old.  He only loves one person in the galaxy…  And it ain’t you.” 

Rey felt her heart drop into her stomach. 

The next several minutes were a blur. 

The command shuttle reappearing, wing still smoking and ion cannons aimed directly at her. 

The Knight telling her to surrender.  To go easy. 

The shuttle firing a warning shot. 

Then immediately being blown to pieces by a small aircraft none of them had even seen coming. 

Rey used the diversion to take off running again but found her options limited by the preexisting landscape as well at the crater that had just been blown into it.  She knew she was moving towards a cliff’s edge but had no alternative but to hope whoever was in that ship would manage to stop the Knight before he caught up to her. 

She never in a million years would’ve dreamed that it was Kylo. 

With less than six feet of solid land ahead of her, the ferocious ocean calling out like a siren and the lumbering Knight close on her heels, Rey spun around at a familiar tremor in the Force. 

It couldn’t be him. 

And yet it was.  As tall and broad as she could remember, the black of his robes becoming sodden with rain and the chrome of his helmet glinting under the flickering red light of his saber. 

Her mind spinning fast and lips parted in shock, Rey could hardly hear Kylo’s voice through the thunderstorm.  But two words were clear: Stand down. 

The Knight bowed his head at the unexpected arrival of his Master, but he did not holster his weapon. 

Rey’s conflict at the idea of what Kylo meant to her was suddenly drowned out at the relief of seeing him again with her own eyes and she nearly ran directly into his arms, like some silly girl in a holovid. 

And perhaps she would’ve, had the path between them not been blocked. 

“I said _stand down,_   Silas,” Kylo commanded, moving to close the distance between himself and the other masked man. 

“I don’t understand, Master.  Who is this girl to you?” Silas questioned, waving his weapon in Rey’s direction before bringing it back up in a defensive posture. 

“That’s not your concern, _Knight,”_   Kylo spit out, reminding the underling of his place.  “I don’t care what orders you were sent here with, I’m telling you to leave.” 

Kylo took a few long strides and attempted to circumvent Silas without confrontation, but the swing of a jagged beam of plasma halted him in his tracks. 

Silas scurried a couple steps back, keeping himself between Kylo and the defenseless Rey like a lion trying to defend its prey from a jackal. 

“I’m sorry, Master, but I can’t do that.”  Rey could almost hear the shame in Silas Ren’s voice as he openly disobeyed his leader.  “This comes from the very top.  We… we were told specifically not to let you intervene.” 

Kylo’s hand flexed around the hilt of his saber, and though he kept his feet planted the top two thirds of his body managed to lean forward menacingly. 

“This is your last chance, brother.  I’m ordering you to step aside.” 

The grenade shaped visage of Silas Ren twisted around to quickly glance at Rey, before turning back to regard Kylo, the mask no doubt hiding a look of pained disbelief. 

“You would fight me?  For _her?”_

Kylo gave a silent answer with a readying sweep of his lightsaber. 

Rey held her breath and then- 

Their fiery beams crashed into each other like lightening. 

The familiarity of each other’s fighting styles made for a relatively even match, though Rey suspected if it weren’t for the slippery mud that pulled at Kylo’s heavy boots with each step he made and the rain that flooded the gap in his visor, the more rigorously trained of the two would’ve had a quicker victory. 

The frustration of not having a weapon of her own to fight with was crushing for Rey, and for the sake of not getting an arm chopped off or worse she was left with nothing to do but duck and dive out of their way as the two men viciously attacked each other. 

Kylo had the upper hand and was backing Silas towards a steep incline that would’ve boxed him in when a patch of particularly slippery moss took his left leg out from under him and he dropped down to one knee.  True to his mission Silas took the opportunity not to flee but rather swing a wild kick at Rey, sending her rolling across the ground and nearly off the edge of the cliff. 

Kylo scrambled to his feet just as Silas moved to strike at Rey from overhead and grabbing the metal edge of the Knight’s electro-sword with one hand, Kylo plunged his lightsaber through him with the other. 

Kylo felt the blistering heat of his saber’s crossguard as he leaned into Silas Ren’s back, holding his attack in place until he was sure the job was done. 

Soon the weight of Silas’ body collapsed downward, pulling Kylo’s blade with it until he stepped away and released his hold on the fallen Knight. 

He watched as Silas dropped at his feet, hitting the muddied ground with a heavy thud.  Kylo stared down at the body for several moments, stunned into stillness save for the perfunctory deep breathing that moved his chest in and out. 

Rey shifted in her position on the ground, pulling Kylo’s attention to her shaken visage. 

All at once he felt an overwhelming relief that he had reached Rey in time, that she had kept herself alive… mixed with the terrible, inconsolable grief at having dispatched one of his own men. 

Kylo stepped forward, intent on helping Rey to her feet, when a crack of thunder rang out overhead and the ground beneath them split in two. 

It happened so fast Rey didn’t even get the chance to scream. 

One moment she was right in front of him, and the next… 

Kylo threw his saber aside and dove forward onto his knees, reaching out from the edge of the cliff only to grasp at empty air. 

He whipped his mask off faster than the mechanics were prone to allow and searched down below for any sign of Rey in the turbulent tide of near-black water and white tipped waves. 

At first nothing, and Kylo could almost swear that the chest his saber had just pierced through was his own. 

He couldn’t bear to lose her.  Not now.  Not ever. 

His eyes widened to twice their normal size when a pale arm struck through the water’s surface and the tiny speck of Rey’s face soon followed, gasping for breath and repeatedly dipping back below as each wave hit her like crumbling walls of concrete. 

Kylo stood, taking only seconds to count the wave pattern as it violently crashed into the rock wall beneath him. 

And then… he jumped. 

  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=j8jkw8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LITERAL cliffhanger! muwahahaha
> 
> My attempts to write shorter chapters and get them out faster have failed spectacularily so I hope you enjoyed this 5,500+ word behemoth. 
> 
> Please kudo or comment to feed my soul.
> 
> Next chapter is *gasp* already written. Do with that imformation what you will.


	14. Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When a super slow burn suddenly goes up like a roman candle.

  
  
  


All complex thoughts dropped away, leaving Rey with only the basest impulses of self-preservation. 

_Breathe.  Kick.  Up.  Fight._

The salt water she’d already swallowed burned her throat and sat heavy in her chest, adding to the weight of her clothes and the uselessness of legs that never needed to know how to swim. 

Flailing her limbs in the only manner she could think of, Rey fought to keep surfacing, getting only a single gulp of air each time before being pulled back down again. 

Within seconds she was exhausted, desperately fighting the urge to just give up and go limp.  Let the sea take her and be done with it. 

Feeling the cramping muscles of her arms and legs begin to fail, and the expansion of her lungs grow shallower with each breath, Rey saw no other option than to let herself go under…  to drop down into the murky depths…  and reach out. 

While the upper crest of the ocean had been brutal and terrifying, just a few feet below it was almost calm.  Rey felt her body relax in the vast darkness, gentle knocks of the current pushing her to and fro as she held an arm out in front of her and searched for the Force. 

There was an inkling of it, a hint.  But it was not enough. 

Rey’s eyes slowly blinked, losing focus as the air in her lungs ran out and she began to drift into unconsciousness. 

The last thing she saw before slipping away was a dark figure breaking through the surface…  A fallen angel glowing wildly beneath the fading daylight. 

  


It took a second to adjust his eyes to the inky blackness around him, but Kylo had aimed his jump well and Rey was only a few strokes away. 

He powered through the water like he was born to do it and hooked an arm around Rey’s waist before pulling her up from the darkness.  He gasped for air as soon as they’d reached it and was panicked at the sight of Rey not doing the same. 

There was little Kylo could do to get her breathing while still fighting against the turbulent sea, so he got the best grip on her that he could manage and began kicking and pulling them to shore as fast as he could. 

Swimming with one arm was difficult enough but Kylo quickly realized that his heavy boots were causing an equally deadly disadvantage and reached down to unbuckle and kick them from his feet.  Two opposing waves crashing overhead threatened to pull Rey from his grasp but Kylo fought with all his might to hold on and soon they were once again making progress, using the incoming waves to push them closer and closer to shore. 

Kylo braced himself for impact as a powerful wall of vicious white water picked their bodies up and tossed them towards the beach like a pair a rag dolls. 

He took the brunt of the hit when they crashed into the hard, black sand, still cradling Rey in his arms as they tumbled up the embankment. 

Without hesitating Kylo immediately rolled her onto her back as soon as they’d settled onto the shore.  He tipped her head back and began chest compressions, pounding against her with open palms, silently begging her heart to beat for him. 

Pinching her nose between his fingers as he leaned forward, Kylo didn’t have time to consider the strangeness of their first mouth to mouth contact. 

That instead of pouring his heart out to Rey through the intimacy of a kiss, he was pushing air into her lungs, desperate and afraid. 

Once, twice, he breathed into her and then returned to beating his hands against her ribcage. 

“C’mon Rey, breathe!” Kylo shouted at her lifeless body, hardy recognizing the vulnerable timber of his own voice.  “Don’t leave me, Rey, please don’t leave me.” 

He dipped forward, pressing his mouth against hers once again, feeling the Force flow through him as he offered everything he had to bring her back. 

The warbling gasp that ripped through Rey’s body and out of her throat was so powerful it shocked her straight up into a sitting position and into Kylo’s arms. 

He reached out to grab her, patting Rey’s back as she coughed up sea water and held her close while she regained control of her breathing. 

Once she’d settled a bit Kylo reached up to push the hair from Rey’s face and looked into her eyes. 

She was alive.  She was okay. 

Kylo felt himself tremble. 

Rey let out another small cough but fought through it, focused too intently on the man staring down at her to be bothered by something like nearly drowning. 

She took in every detail of him as though she’d been blind all her life and was only now being blessed with the gift of sight.  His wet hair hung heavy around the pale angles of his face, his eyes were dark and needy, and his lips…  His lips were scandalously pink and swollen. 

Rey took a deep breath.   _God, he was beautiful..._

“Rey-” 

Her name had hardly passed through Kylo’s mouth before Rey was crashing into him.   Lips, teeth, tongue.  She was all over him, against him, and inside him. 

Kylo gripped the sides of her face and he returned Rey’s affections, pleased beyond comprehension to feel her mouth moving in tandem with his this time.  For it not to be a matter of life and death. 

_Or maybe,_ Kylo mused as he gasped for air in between kisses, _It was._

Together they dipped back down onto the shimmering, onyx-colored beach, Kylo half-covering Rey’s body with has as she dug her fingertips into his arms hard enough to make him wince. 

He slid one hand down from her face to gently caress her neck, stopping to rest on the flat plane beneath her collarbone as they kissed each other with wild abandon. 

Rey released her deathgrip on Kylo’s biceps only to slide her hands around his massive shoulders and pull him closer to her.  Their combined weight began to sink them into the wet sand and Rey thought for a brief second that being swallowed alive with Kylo Ren in her arms would be an acceptable way to die. 

It wasn’t until the tide came rolling in rather suddenly that the knocking of waves against their legs was noticeable enough to break the spell between them and Kylo pulled himself away from Rey in order to stand, scooping her up into his arms along the way with impressive ease. 

It was only when they were halfway across the beach that Kylo even registered where he was taking her- a large, deep set cave at the base of the cliffside up ahead. 

Rey gripped at the material of his tabard and buried her head against Kylo’s chest, causing him to ruinate on the last time he’d carried her like this and how drastically different it had been. 

Stepping into the cavern of jagged, black rock they were both relieved to find the relentless cacophony of the storm was somewhat diminished by its walls, and Rey closed her eyes as she reveled in her _new_   favorite sound in the whole galaxy- the steady beating of Kylo Ren’s heart. 

Kylo carefully dropped down to his knees on the softest patch of sand he could find and lowered Rey out of his arms, despite her protests. 

Taking a moment to look at her in awe, Kylo soon noticed the blue tinge of her lips and the gooseflesh that peppered her bare arms.  Without bothering to consider the implications Kylo quickly began to disrobe, first removing his belt and then his tabard along with it. 

Rey’s mouth dropped open in stunned silence and it wasn’t until Kylo was pealing his sodden tunic from his bare chest that she was able to squeak out his name in question. 

“Kylo?” 

He didn’t pause at the concern in her voice, successfully yanking the garment over his head, fluffing his hair slightly along the way. 

“You need to warm up or you could get hypothermia.” 

He sounded so certain.  So confident.  That Rey couldn’t be bothered to question him further. 

With shaky hands she followed his lead, undoing the belt that held her crossbody sash in place and removing all the layers beneath it, only stopping once she’d reached her breast band. 

She looked up at Kylo for some kind of approval, but whether it was for the fact that she’d done as he’d requested of her or of the sudden near-nudeness that she’d just exposed to him… she couldn’t say. 

Approval was the last thing on Kylo’s mind however, and he didn’t so much as give himself a moment to drink in her guileless beauty before crawling forward to resume his earlier position from the beach. 

Kissing was not the agenda this time however, and he simply set to methodically covering and rubbing every exposed inch of Rey’s body until he felt the chill begin to leave her skin. 

For several minutes the pair did nothing but lie there and Rey had to remind herself to keep letting breaths of air in and out, a thing that ought to be involuntary, but apparently wasn’t when your body was overstimulated by that of Kylo Ren being pressed against it. 

Once he was satisfied with her level of warmth Kylo moved off to the side, keeping his arms wrapped around Rey while also trying to give her space. 

Rey in turn found this quite endearing, and it was with a cheeky smile on her face that she scooted closer to him, pressing the bare skin of her chest against his. 

Kylo tensed slightly before relaxing, dragging his knuckles against her smooth shoulder for a moment before moving his hand up to cradle the back of her head. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” he murmured quietly. 

Rey took a minute to be sure she’d heard him correctly before leaning back to look upon his face. 

He looked scared. 

“You _saved_   me,” she responded reverently.  “You saved my life, Kylo.” 

A nervous breath escaped from Kylo’s mouth and he blinked a few times willing himself the courage to correct her. 

“…Ben,” he whispered. 

“What?” 

“You can call me Ben.” 

Rey’s heart skipped at least four beats and with a strength she reasonably shouldn’t still have in her at this point she pushed Kylo onto his back and leaned her upper body on top of his.  She kissed him urgently and without reserve. 

She kissed him like it was her purpose in life. 

She kissed him like the world was ending. 

Kylo was eager to return the gesture, quickly catching up and even advancing their entanglement by dragging his callused fingertips across Rey’s back, catching a finger on her breast band as he waited for permission to remove it. 

Rey softly pulled back from their kiss, looking into Kylo’s hopeful eyes as she considered.  She swallowed nervously but was confident enough to reach back and unhook the band herself, allowing Kylo to watch as she unwrapped the material and opened herself up to him entirely. 

Kylo’s breath hitched as he took in the sight of her, bare and nervous and offering herself to him.  He slowly reached up, palming one of Rey’s small breasts in his disproportionately large hand, watching her face as a flurry of emotions passed over it. 

He gently began to knead the delicate mound, loving the feeling of her pebbled nipple against his palm and the sight of her biting down on her lower lip in restrained pleasure. 

It was when she finally allowed a soft moan to slip from her lips that Kylo found he couldn’t contain himself any longer and he sat forward, wrapping an arm around Rey’s waist as he flipped her over and onto her back.  He kissed her hard and thoroughly several times over, before sliding down her body to match his lips to the breast he’d just been fondling. 

He smothered one and then the other, taking time to circle the base of each mound with suckling kisses before placing his lips around one of her nipples and pulling it into his mouth. 

Rey squirmed and fussed beneath him, but not in any way that suggested she wasn’t enjoying his maneuverings.  Randomly alternating between grabbing chucks of his hair in her fists and pulling him harder against her by the scruff of his neck, Rey soon reached a tipping point she seemed unprepared to handle. 

“Ky-” she breathed heavily, “I need… I need…”

She didn’t know what words to use or even how to begin to describe it, but Kylo was able to deduce from the shallowness of Rey’s breathing and the way she was clenching her thighs together exactly what she was attempting to ask him for. 

He leaned back far enough to slip a hand between her knees and push her taut limbs apart, shifting his body to manuever the lower half of it into the void.  He dropped back down to his elbows, thrusting his ever-hardening organ against the apex of Rey’s pelvis, looking into her eyes with a question that asked, _‘Is this what you want?’_

A gush of air broke free from Rey’s o-shaped lips, either from the shock of Kylo’s gesture or simply the weight of his body dropping down onto hers. 

Possibly a combination of both. 

She quickly sucked the air back in with widened eyes and immediately thereafter whispered the word Kylo had been waiting for. 

_“Yes.”_

A boyish grin flashed across his face before he leaned in for another kiss, smothering her stunned lips with assurance. 

Kylo pushed himself up from the ground, bending his knees to settle back on his haunches.  He reached out to grasp the waistband of Rey’s leggings and after a split-second of hesitation she hurried to aide him by lifting her hips up off the ground. 

In an instant she was completely naked, splayed out before her former enemy in conceivably the most vulnerable fashion imaginable. 

Rey self-consciously draped an arm across her torso, feeling it rise and fall with the heaving breaths pumping in and out of her lungs. 

The action was fruitless, though, as Kylo immediately reached out to gently, but determinedly, push the limb away. 

Rey blushed as she looked up at Kylo, his imposing figure even more so from this angle, and watched as he drank in every ounce of her bare skin like a man dying of thirst having just discovered an oasis. 

His eyes danced around, unwilling to focus on any one part of her body lest he risk missing out on another. 

But just when Rey thought she probably couldn’t stand the scrutiny a moment longer, her focus was called to Kylo’s hands, watching with rapt attention as he began undoing the hook and eye clasps of his trousers. 

Kylo finally pulled his gaze from Rey’s waiting form to attend to undressing his lower half, gritting his teeth as he realized he’d waited a bit too long to do so. 

By the time he’d managed to free himself from the confines of his leather pants and his undergarments, shoving them both midway down his thighs, Kylo’s cock was swollen to the point of looking volatile and he could hardly blame Rey for the frightened gasp that she let slip from her mouth. 

The muscles of Kylo’s jaw twitched as he grabbed himself at the base of his member, squeezing hard enough to cause himself a calming wave of discomfort.  Satisfied with the result he looked back up to Rey, finding her too stunned to do anything but stare. 

He gently stroked himself, watching her face for any sign that she might be changing her mind, but when Rey’s eyes roamed from his ministrations all the way up his body to return his gaze, Kylo felt confident that she wasn’t going to. 

He dropped the hand that he’d been touching himself with and reached forward to drag his knuckles along the inside of Rey’s leg, watching her shiver as he got closer and closer to her aching center. 

When he finally reached his destination, Kylo’s eyes widened ever so slightly as his fingertips passed through the soft thatch of hair, finding her gratuitously wet and warm for him. 

“Ben?” 

Rey’s uncertain whisper of his given name paused Kylo’s actions but only for a moment as he met her eyes confidently. 

“It’s going to hurt.  This will help.” 

Rey nodded in response and dropped her head back down to the ground, staring up at the cave ceiling and giving Kylo all the trust in the world.

A sense of pride bloomed in his chest and Kylo refocused his energy on proving himself worthy of it, first sliding one, and then a second finger into Rey’s molten core. 

She moaned, encouraging Kylo to press on, with him eventually making it up to three thick fingers pumping in and out of her as he did his best to prepare Rey’s body for his substantial girth. 

When he finally felt she was ready Kylo removed his hand, giving himself a couple quick strokes before settling his wide body back down on top of Rey. 

Kylo kissed her jaw, her chin, her cheekbone, making sure he had her full attention before reaching down to line himself up at her entrance. 

Rey met his penetrating stare, willing herself to be both brave and vulnerable for him all at once. 

Her eyelashes fluttered as Kylo slid himself into her, the duration of a single movement lasting far longer than she ever could have imagined. 

When he finally reached his end, locking his hips up against Rey’s, Kylo held his breath and waited, relaxing only once her eyes were fully open again and she’d fixed them back on his. 

They both resumed breathing in tandem and a soft nod from Rey had Kylo sliding back away from her again, her jaw dropping open at the mix of pain and pleasure. 

Kylo leaned in, almost as if to kiss her, but as he rocked his body back against Rey’s he merely placed his lips adjacent to hers, mixing the air in their mouths together in a strangely intimate gesture. 

After a couple encouraging tugs at his back from Rey, Kylo began picking up his pace, snapping his long body against hers as she cried out unguardedly. 

Feeling too overwhelmed to maintain eye contact any longer, Kylo dropped himself down a bit lower, burying his face in Rey’s hair.  The dried grains of salt stung at his raw lips, and Kylo assured himself that this was the cause for the moisture running down his face. 

Rey’s confidence grew quickly, allowing her hands to roam across the muscled planes of Kylo’s back, the sharp edges of his shoulder blades, and even the curvature of his perfectly round ass. 

Bending both her legs, Rey brought the left one up to cradle Kylo’s side as he continued thrusting into her, digging her heel into the sand for resistance.  The other, she wrapped around one of his wonderfully thick thighs, loving the way she sensed their bodies molding into each other more and more with each passing second. 

Rey felt herself giving into him entirely, sacrificing ownership of all that she was if it meant she could have him in return. 

Mind, body, soul, everything. 

It was as intoxicating as it was terrifying. 

Soon the racing thoughts in Rey’s mind were drowned out by the cries of ecstasy spilling from her mouth along with the guttural moans emanating from Kylo as his speed slowed down a bit but the power of this thrusts quadrupled. 

The cave echoed back their sounds of passion so resolutely that everything beyond its walls and their lovemaking ceased to exist, if only for a moment. 

Rey dug the blunt edges of her fingernails into the meat of Kylo’s shoulders as she felt his body shudder and a burst of warmth filled her lower belly. 

Together they worked to regain control of their breathing, Rey having luck with the task first.  Feeling Kylo’s lungs still expanding quite rapidly, Rey stretched her arms around him, rubbing his back soothingly. 

When his breathing finally began to calm Rey expected Kylo’s body to settle as well but when she realized it was still shaking she craned her head back in attempt to see his face. 

“Ben?”  Are you all right?” 

Kylo nodded weakly, settling back enough to let Rey look at him.  His dark hair was heavy still with salt water and the pale expanse of his face was dotted with beads of sweat. 

“No, you’re not,”  Rey argued.   “You’re shivering.” 

Kylo shook his head.   “I’ll be fine.” 

Rey went to move his weight off her but only made it as far as tipping their intertwined bodies onto their sides.   “Let me make a fire.” 

“No,”  Kylo whined, holding her in a prison of his arms.   “Just stay.” 

Rey laughed lightly at his impracticality.   “We’ll freeze.” 

Kylo doubled his efforts by pretzeling their legs together and pulling Rey’s head into the crook of his neck. 

“At least we’ll be together.” 

  


It was nearly an hour until Kylo had fallen in deep enough a sleep to allow Rey to slip from his grasp.  Trembling at the loss of his body heat Rey quickly covered herself with his still damp tunic, quickly scurrying around the cave in search of firewood. 

Once she’d assembled an adequate bundle, Rey returned to Kylo’s side and built a small fire close enough to keep them warm. 

Shivering she rubbed her hands together, periodically holding them out to the flames and then reaching back to transfer their heat onto her arms and legs. 

Glancing back at Kylo as he slept, Rey felt a heat self-made develop in her cheeks as she noted his exposed form, all parts of him still proudly on display. 

Awkwardly, and perhaps even reluctantly, Rey reached over to pull his discarded tabard across his waistline.  Respecting his modesty in a way that she suspected Kylo himself would not have bothered to. 

With the more indecent aspects of Kylo’s physique now safely covered, Rey felt freer to let her eyes roam, taking in all that she had felt but not seen. 

He was long.  So much longer than he appeared in his layers of black.  And wider than bantha calf to boot. 

There were miles of alabaster skin that seemed to glow in the dancing light of the fire and indecently hard planes of muscle stretched beneath it.  He was littered with battle scars… some old, some new. 

Rey grimaced as she noted the most recent ones, recounting the part she had played in their delivery. 

Moving her gaze up to Kylo’s face the first thing she noticed was his uncharacteristic serenity. 

A countenance she’d always known to be to overly expressive- so much so that he’d taken to wearing a mask in order to hide it- was now free of all its normal conflict and agony. 

She did not expect Kylo Ren to be such a peaceful sleeper and wondered if that were always the case or if this night was an anomaly. 

His slumber allowed Rey a certain liberty she’d never been afforded before and she took advantage of it as best she could, determinedly memorizing every detail of his face. 

The length of his lashes, the boldness of his brow, the distinct regality of his nose.  Kylo Ren was indeed a Prince, and fate had seen fit to give him the face of one. 

Rey involuntarily bit the inside of her cheek as she began studying the angles of Kylo’s mouth, feeling all the parts of her body that his lips had touched light up like a map of their debauchery. 

Her breathing quickly grew labored and by the time her study of him made its way up to the wavy raven locks that splayed out around him like a darken halo, Rey was powerless to stop herself from reaching out to touch them. 

The sea had added a certain coarse texture to his wild mane, but still it felt better running through her fingers through than anything else Rey could imagine. 

She bit her lip, moving her fingertips to brush across Kylo’s cheekbone, yanking her hand back to her chest when he began to stir. 

With baited breath she watched and waited, relaxing only slightly when Kylo settled back into sleep and the only further movement came from his broad chest as he breathed slow and deep. 

Rey pulled Kylo’s tunic tighter around herself and tried to shake off a sudden chill that she suspected wasn’t coming from the bitter air around her but rather emanating from within. 

Unbidden, thoughts of confusion and creeping doubt settled into Rey’s gut like a poison, burning and eating away at all that was newly discovered and so precious to her.  She did her best to fight them off but it was a losing battle and soon every tender moment she’d shared with the man opposite her became corrupted with the circumstances of their union. 

Hours ticked by as Rey sat vigil, the light of the cavern slowly transitioning from the bright orange of fire to the soft glow of morning. 

Rey shifted her eyes out through the opening of the cave, catching sight of the deep blue waves crashing on the beach and wished that they were loud enough to drown out the pounding of her heart. 

Wearily she looked back at Kylo’s unconscious form, feeling a pain settle in her chest intense enough to cloud her vision with unshed tears. 

It was simultaneously the most joy and most sorrow she’d ever felt in her life… And as such Rey didn’t know what she should hate herself more for- 

What she had just done…  Or what she was about to do. 

  
  
  


[](http://tinypic.com?ref=etsn43)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first smut scene! How'd I do? I tried to write it more in terms of emotional resonance and character development than just plain ol' getting down, so hopefully that came through. 
> 
> I really want to try and start updating this more frequently again so any and all support you can spare is absolutely priceless to me in terms of motivation.  
> Even if it's just to let me know you're still reading and waiting for new chapters it would honestly mean the world. There's just nothing better than that little (1) notification.


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